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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

An update on my 'To top off my crap year...' thread

999 replies

October · 17/04/2007 14:40

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OP posts:
lou33 · 02/06/2007 14:27

lol no

Anniegetyourgun · 03/06/2007 07:47

I always thought cards were for people who couldn't get around to visit. It's downright weird to see someone in order to hand them a card IMO (though I know a lot of people do). He can take photos of the family in with him or something, surely.

Mainly though, he's probably moaning because he's sh*t scared about his operation and you're the designated moanee because you're there. Probably meant the "have you made a special effort" to be nice, but it just misfired.

Dior · 03/06/2007 11:33

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Dior · 03/06/2007 11:33

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sunshinegirl · 04/06/2007 15:15

Hi Dior!!! Was great to meet you DC's were knackered in the afternoon - all that hide and seek, lol

Sorry the rest of your day after that wasn't so good. Have you chased up relate for your apointments?

Things here are pretty awful, h has left for a few days as I told him it's pretty much over. Being away I realised how unhappy we've been and it's affecting ds. I can't carry on like that anymore and something has to change. He's coming back tomorrow so we can talk some more and see if there's any we way can get things back.

Hope you're ok x

Tanee58 · 04/06/2007 15:26

Hi Dior, I was thinking about your h last Friday - and was going to send him good wishes. But I take that back! WHAT a twit (polite spelling ) he is! I make cards sometimes, but I didn't even think of giving dp one for a one-day simple op like that, or buy him all the lovely treats you did, nor did he expect them! And when I brought him home, I spent the next day, my 'carers leave day', working in the garden, not hovering over his fevered brow.

Don't know what to say about your h - I just want to go AARGH!! - he had a hernia, for G**'s sake, not a heart bypass! I despair! He honestly doesn't deserve you.

Tanee58 · 04/06/2007 15:28

Sorry Dior, but you can really, really do better than him !

lou33 · 04/06/2007 16:05

and there speaks the voice of reason!

Dior · 04/06/2007 18:48

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Dior · 04/06/2007 18:56

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Fubsy · 04/06/2007 21:19

Dior - what would happen if you really did bite the bullet and leave? Would it be so bad? Would it be better than what you have now, or worse?

You still sound very depressed - is it worth asking your GP if the ADs are the right ones for you, as they dont seem to be lifting your mood. i know some can take up to 6 weeks to kick in, but werent you already on some before?

my calmness about everything may be down to my being on medication for stress incontinence that is also licensed as an AD, but Im not sure. I cant come off them until the gynae thinks its OK, although I will be asking him if i can next time I see him.

But Im worried about your moods - your life is worth living, you have a lovely son, youre attractive to other men (and no doubt women should you choose to go that way ) but there has to be a way to feel better about yourself.

Did you try contacting Relate to find out when they would see you again? It does seem to be a long time.

lou33 · 04/06/2007 21:59

i agree with everything fubsy has said

mummytosteven · 04/06/2007 22:02

agree with Fubsy. Somehow you need to get to a point where you have a sense of self-esteem separate from how H/G etc treat you.

lou33 · 04/06/2007 22:04

i've siad this for ages!

Dior · 04/06/2007 23:53

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Fubsy · 05/06/2007 00:13

Dior, this sounds like an empty threat - P said the same once during an arguement but when it came to the crunch he was sensible over the custody issue.

No court would give full custody to a working father where there was a perfectly good mother on the scene (and you are!) and he will quickly realise that while half custody sounds like the next best thing, in reality it would no more work than him being a SAHD.

in the end we worked it out ourselves as we are not married, and are both too tight and broke to involve solicitors. But if it was acrimonious I would do.

I only know of one family who went for split custody (one week with Mum, one with dad) and im not sure it works.

Not sure if any of this will be reassuring - Im sure youre very upset just now. (I logged on again to order my brothers birthday presents off amazon, couldnt resist that last peek at MN!)

I hope you can both talk about it with less anger in the cold light of day as it were.

Dior · 05/06/2007 00:16

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Dior · 05/06/2007 05:31

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Dior · 05/06/2007 05:45

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lou33 · 05/06/2007 08:55

he is talking bullshit dior, and you are falling for it

Fubsy · 05/06/2007 09:29

Dior, agree with Lou.

Why is it a problem that you dont play football with DS? Thats what Dads are for. how many Dads play Barbies with their DDs?

Of course you want to talk about yourself - you have problems and you want to sort them out. you are also a woman - you are admitting to feelings, which he isnt. And you can percieve other peoples feelings which he wont do.

Sorry got to go now, work meeting, but will catch up later.

fedupoffeelinbad · 05/06/2007 11:39

Hi Dior im a poster on mn but not everyday and have changed my name for this. Im a lot heavier also than when i got together with my husband. When i first met him he used to talk about past sexual experiences and i ended up after months of it telling him to shut up about it. He went out with a lot of skinny girls and although i was skinny then am not anymore. Our love live has gone down the pan, i feel fat and ugly and tbh the only time we have sex is when hes drunk and tries it on with me. His libido is way down, i know hes not having an affair he just doesnt bother about sex much any more. It really annoys me as id be happy to do it 2 or 3 times a week but im lucky if its once a fortnight when hes had a few drinks. I get angry about it and always drop hints in a jokey way but it still is not improving ive even said why do we only do it when theres alcohol involved and he comes up with an excuse. I think sometimes in lives people libidos go up and down and the problem in my house is im always up for it and he never is! I never thought i would ever understand why people had affairs but i can understand now as im sure people in m6y position would maybe think about it. He never gives me compliments any more the way he used to. I still say things like you look nice to him but he rarelky says anything to me. Im just a frumpy old housewife to him now and thats the way it is.

Ifonlyhewould · 05/06/2007 14:13

Hope you don't mind me 'popping in' on this one Dior but, why do you feel you need DH to actually say the words "i don't love you" before you can leave and move on. Why do you need him to be the one to say the words that will free you from this relationship. You have admitted on here many times that you are no longer in love with him. If you are unhappy and not in love with DH then you have every right to leave. You don't have to wait for him to 'release' you. You have to stop being his 'victim' at some point and take charge of your own life. This is your opportunity. You may be waiting a long long time for DH to actually say the words you want to hear. xx

lou33 · 05/06/2007 14:14

it's because she is used to him making the choice for her i suspect

he has always been the one deciding when to do this that and the other

also she is scared

Ifonlyhewould · 05/06/2007 14:16

Totally understandable and i'm not unsympathetic to that but Dior, I would hate to think of you living like this for the rest of your days. Life is just too short

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