An update on my 'To top off my crap year...' thread

[October]

Message withdrawn

that's great!

Yes, I am thinking 10 years ahead () and planning my 'career'...

I think he was just glad to hear that neither my sister or I intended to leave in the near future. Both of us really love our jobs and appreciate the support that our current boss has given us. He took me on on the terms I requested, and took my sister on after 6 months of sick leave with depression. So he really took a chance on both of us.I like to think that we have returned that trust by working really well for him.

you sound pretty upbeat today

Actually have been fairly down, but my tummy hasn't played up at all, which has been nice. I feel quite upbeat at the moment. Have stuck to diet for two days. Walked ds to school today, so got a bit of exercise too.

My mood has been quite low this week and I think it must be because of the changes at work. Meeting the new boss was a bit of an anticlimax (but in a good way) because nothing is changing in my job as such. I hadn't realised how much it was playing on my mind.

How are you today?

Good news about your job, sounds very positive! Wish mine offered all the training I needed!

trying to keep busy but i feel just the same tbh

i'm going to lock myself in the bath and hope noone disturbs me, in a minute

Well, mine is a training company

yeah, and mines the NHS, so what can you expect

NHS - well, no funds there for training then...

With mine, I just book out a training book and find some time to do it on the pc at work. New boss has suggested actually letting my me and my sister do the courses in work time - which is what h has been telling me for weeks!

Ive been told I can apply for a course, but there's a good chance Ill have to pay for some of ity.

fat lot of good thats going to be when Ive got to pay the mortgage on my own, isnt it!

You have to pay for some of it . Like you are doing it for your own good!

Mind you, your course would probably be something hugely interesting. Mine is Excel Expert/Dreamweaver/Publisher etc!

Well management can twist it so it actually is for my own good - I have to provide evidence of what they call Continuous Professional Development in order to be allowed to pay a lot of money to stay registered each year.

Or instead of going on a course, i can sit and analyse everything that happened each day and try and wring a learning situation out of it.

My boss asked me if I was able to work any extra hours - we have a few people on long term sick atm. I didnt have the heart to tell her that I would rather work in Tesco or behind a bar! Sometimes I fancy working in a shop, at least theres some perks to that!

Found out today that G had had a SCREAMING row with his girlfriend in the office yesterday (via mobile)! Also heard from someone who lives next door to him that he has had 3am screaming matches with her in the past! Sounds like he would be a bastard to go out with.... So why do I still fancy him?

H has been pleasant for the last few days, but was out last night until fairly late and is out until the early hours tonight too! So guess who will be on MN all night?

Why do I like the bastards?

little bit of danger?

think they will change for you?

think they might be good in the sack?

lots of reasons

God I have it bad tonight. He wasn't in today and I keep feeling low over him. I thought I was totally over him and then he started talking to me again. Slap me please

SLAP

Wondered when the Friday blues were going to hit. Pour yourself a large glass of whatever you fancy. Mine's a large red. In the meantime....

Followed by a big hug.

You WILL get through this you know. Just hard to believe right now isn't it? Roll on your Relate appointment. Won't sort everything overnight but will at least get the ball rolling between you and H and work out if there is any future there.

More wine!!

OW!

I'm an idiot, I know. I think I want the ideal him, when that actually doesn't exist. I even thought about texting him . Don't worry, I won't though.

NOO no texting please. You will get another punch on the nose.

I used to feel "is this it? is this my life?". Don't know if you relate to that but think you might do. I do really feel for you Dior. Big Hugs.

Yes, I do feel like that. The 'companion' comment the other day made me stop and think. Companionship is great when a healthy or at least agreed level of sex life is enjoyed. But I want a man who thinks I'm gorgeous the way I am, not just when I'm slim. Or at least a man who likes the rest of me enough to see past the flabby bits.

I'm sick of my home life. Ds and I just had a lovely cuddle when I got him ready for bed. I am enjoying being on here, and not feeling the need for h at all. I know I would probably feel different if I were alone every night, but honestly, I just think 'will I ever get the life I want?'

The one thing you can do at the moment is hang on to the fact that your work life is good. ime the way you are feeling you need home or work to be ok. Or is it only good because of G and you look forward to going to work and escaping the tedium of home?

Like I said before, you need this Relate appointment to help you see things more clearly. Do you love H? That was my defining question in my counselling. I could not say yes. I knew then I really didn't.

It still took a few years for divorce to follow as H would not accept it. I struggled on but the fact that I had those feelings for 'crush' meant that I was looking for something more.

More wine and hugs I think!

No, I love my job regardless of G. It is a fab job and I am very lucky.

I love h as a friend, but have not thought of him as a lover for ages. Whe the counsellor asked what we first saw in each other, I could not think of anything apart from that he looked good in his jeans. I want someone that I am in lust with and miss when he is not there.

That's good about job.

Maybe there is a way back for you and H? I don't know, I can only talk from my own experience.

Somebody much wiser than me said 'If you've had love once together you can find it again if you want to. It's just been lost in the mists of time'.

Think that is lovely. Didn't work for me as I married young and really didn't love xh .

I honestly don't know how I feel. Some affection, but not what I would consier loving someone should be like.

Hi Dior - I've caught up on your thread. Sounds like you need that book ASAP! Have catted you for your address.
Lots of your stuff rings huge bells for me, not so much the G stuff as your h - I was with mine for 20 odd years from the age of 19, and finally left him two and a half years ago. What you said about having already mentally left him is exactly how I was for so long.
G sounds an arse though - remember your advice to me (and thankyou for that!) and stick to your guns.