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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can't think straight about my husband

164 replies

MIlesdavis · 13/11/2017 18:52

My husband did an beautiful eulogy at his mother's funeral last month. The reception immediately followed and I couldn't speak to him privately for several hours afterward. When everyone dispersed except his best friend and a few other family members, I went up to him to give him a hug and tell him how well he did. When I moved away from hugging him, I saw that he had his fingers in his throat, imitating that gesture of vomiting - as if what I said was worthy of throwing up - and looking at his best friend and laughing at me. I pretended I didn't see, said my goodbyes and took the children home (he was staying on that evening) but I had a huge lump in my throat the entire four-hour drive. When I was alone, I completely lost it. He has been unfaithful to me - had a mistress for three years - and I elected to stay when I found out (so tough) as he extricated himself from her and the children were 8, 5, 3. That was 7 years ago. He is extremely critical of me (well, he's critical of everyone really but I feel I really bear the brunt of it). I have dealt with a lot and have done my best. For some reason this gesture is something I can't shake...I stayed despite the affair and the many appalling injustices of it...and I just can't get over this. Is this irrational? I can't think straight any more.

OP posts:
NerdyBird · 22/11/2017 22:36

tell him you didn't think he'd turn out to be 'just a c*nt'. Then make an appointment with a solicitor.

NameWithChange · 23/11/2017 08:00

I think, as you say, that most of us lose our sparkle with the grind of daily life. Having said that, I would hope a good respectful relationship with a person who respects you still makes you sparkle inside a little.

I think you know what you need to do. There will definitely be no sparkles ever in your life if you stay with this man. Of course you deserve so much better.

Princesscharming · 23/11/2017 21:59

NerdyBird love it! Straight and to the point.

cordeliavorkosigan · 23/11/2017 22:17

Definitely leave the bastard.
No doubt your sparkle will resurface immediately! What an arse.

springydaff · 24/11/2017 04:18

wtf is a sparkle anyway?? It doesn't even make any sense.

op this man has hurt you deeply. He will continue to hurt you deeply. He truly does not deserve you.

What you need is a good and plump relationship, multi-faceted, that grows and develops and matures. What you have is a 2D relationship with a dick. Death by starvation and neglect.

Girl, if you've been waiting decades for him to come up with the goods then please wait no more: they are not forthcoming from this particular arsehole.

Bluebelle38 · 24/11/2017 04:35

Sounds like the day was a huge turning point. Don't waste it .
Get the life you deserve - don't waste any more time on that vile man.

Incredibly powerful and the best advice I have seen on here in a long time. You may feel sad and hurt now, but seeing what you did was a blessing. You deserve far more than this cheating piece of shit.

A happier life awaits you. Be brave and go get it x

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/11/2017 04:51

Crikey. Sometimes i come across threads where my jaw hits the floor. This is one of them. Don’t let his crappy apologies fool you. He’s now it the throws of not wanting to let his toy go. You’re the toy. Not a human being. And he likes abusing his toy. Please leave for the children. Before they lose all respect fo you. Staying may mean you lose them if they either reject both of you and go NC or become just like their father. Flowers

MeanWeen · 24/11/2017 05:14

Hi, not sure if i’m Out of my lain here. I have been reading these threads for a while now and I can understand why you ladies think we are a bunch of dicks.
He’s right your not just a mother, your the mother of his children and that should make you one of the most important people in his life. I’m just looking over at my OH right now and she “sparkles” more to me everyday and I respect the hard work she does.
The guy sounds like a waste of time and you sound like you absolutely deserve respect and happiness.
Good luck

springydaff · 27/11/2017 05:27

Great post Ween

brownien · 29/11/2017 09:22

This reply has been deleted

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mamahanji · 29/11/2017 09:38

Erm OP that's not you is it?

Starlighter · 29/11/2017 09:49

Sounds like the straw that broke the camel‘s back. What an disrespectful and crass thing to do.

People can only take so much and he sounds like he’s been damaging you emotionally for a long time.

I think you need to get your affairs in order and work out what you want in life, because you don’t sound happy. You sound lovely and you definitely deserve some happiness and some much-needed respect from your husband.

FlowerPot1234 · 29/11/2017 10:01

brownien - if you think your advertisement for your company's products via your fake post, which you are duplicating elsewhere on MN too, is a good idea, think again.

You've shown all of MN that you find people's struggles something to belittle, you've shown disrespect by suddenly intruding with your irrelevant post, and your blatant attempt at advertising shows that Cyberhackall is a company not to be trusted or used by any man or woman.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/11/2017 10:41

I've reported it too, Flowerpot, thanks for pointing it out.

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