If this happened to you, what would your DH/DP do?

[Inarightpickleandchutney]

Let’s say you were about an hour away from home.
With a DD, having a day out at the seaside.
I have a known allergy and carry epi pens.
I went to a cafe with DD, asked about the food, ordered etc. Minutes later after a first mouthful I’m struggling for breath and it’s very obvious it’s anaphylactic shock.
DD is 7, tells a grown up they do the epi pen and n ambulance is called.

The nurse at the hospital calls home to say don’t panic but this has happened and it was a close call but it’s all under control.

Your DH.... what is their response to that call?

Is there more of a back story to this OP? Is it part of a whole list of issues? I am pleased you are seeing a solicitor next week. Don't brush it under the carpet when you have managed to relax a little , I used to do that a lot. Like I couldn't understand why someone would be so inconsiderate and uncaring for the one they proclaim to love. I once crashed my car on an icy road and called him to come fetch me out of a ditch, I was ok, but it could have been a lot worse. I had just finished 4 night shifts and hit black ice, I was so shaken. He shouted at me, more than once. I went on to have 2 children with him and in total a 21 year relationship. Since I have removed myself, I realize I always deserved better. Good luck

I am very much a believer now of this:

It is that bad. It must have been a terrible experience for your daughter. I couldn't forgive that.

No one here can answer whether it is divorce worthy. Sometimes it's the nuances of behaviour that mean one thing is forgivable and another is not. If it is totally out of character behaviour then probably not (in my opinion) although you would still need to get to the bottom of it. Maybe he just completely got the wrong end of things and didn't realise you were in hospital etc. Did you phone him op?

At the very least come and collect the child - hospitals don't do childcare. Really awful.

My husband doesn't drive, but he'd either phone his dad to come and get him, phone a minicab, or if needs be hail a taxi, and get to me as soon as he could. And of course make sure our son was okay.
Well done to your dd for knowing what to say and do though.

Not good is it OP. Didn't he want to spend the day out with you both either?

Firstly I'm glad you are now ok OP and your little girl is amazing.
I can't believe this is totally out of character and I'd bet my house on him being a selfish pig pretty much most of the time.

Nice kind men don't pull behave like this when they are most needed by their wives.

But Is it divorce worthy? DH keeps telling me it wasn’t as bad as I think it was and so I’m canvassing for opinion.

Just a reminder OP, but the man not only left you and your 7 year old in hospital for over 9 hours after you'd had a serious medical emergency, but he did so knowing that you would have to use public transport to get home.

Have a read of that again, and then have a quick think about why the bloke who saw nothing wrong with his behaviour, is now trying to convince you that it wasn't that bad. Which is interesting given that he wasn't actually there.

It is really awful but I wouldn't divorce over this one incident alone.

It would depend on how life with him is generally.

If it is pretty bad, I can imagine this might be the straw that broke the camel's back?

Exactly as others have said I’d have expected him to come for his child.

My dh has asthma and has been admitted a few times over the years, depending on circumstance/times I’ve not always gone to see him/pick him up but that’s because of his insistence combined with not wanting to drag our ds out of bed late at night.

It’s the third thing I’ve needed him on, like really needed him, and he’s outright said no, I’m inclined to gather up the fury I’ve been suppressing and let rip on his bloody football that he was watching

Unless I asked I can't say my dh would rush to my side. As long as I was ok he would make his way to see me in his own time.

What is wrong with him?! that’s an abnormal response. He let you and your DD down terribly. You both deserve better

OP do you have any other issues with your DP? Have you been thinking about divorce anyway? This sounds like a bit of a miscommunication rather than anything divorce worthy.

I don't think my DH would have rushed straight to a hospital over an hour away if a nurse told him everything was fine. If I asked him to come he'd have rushed straight there but I've been taken to hospital before and told him to stay at home and take care of the house and pets as I haven't needed him there and all you do in hospital it sit around.

Third time too many

But Is it divorce worthy? DH keeps telling me it wasn’t as bad as I think it was and so I’m canvassing for opinion

The only opinion that matters here is yours.

He doesnt get to decide what is "worthy" of divorce, only you do. Personally I think that yes, it is worthy because in 9 (relatively) short hours he managed to show you exactly how little he cares for you and your DD. How little he thinks of you and how little effort he is prepared to put in for your or her well being.

As A PP said, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

He should be ashamed of himself and I’m sorry he let you down.

Your daughter sounds amazing!

How does he treat you otherwise? Had he let you down before?

If yes, he’ll keep doing it.

Sorry OP just seen you post saying it's the third thing you've felt you really needed him on. I can understand your frustration in that case, but I'd still try having a proper chat with him and making a plan together about how to move past this rather than going straight to divorce. Relationships are hard work... Hope you're feeling a bit better physically now anyway

Thanks all, my DD is absolutely a smasher and pure dead brilliant! She’s adhd as well, sorry about that drip feed, but I wanted to find out about him and me, his instinct wasn’t to drop everything and just be there, even if I’d broken a bloody nail, not nearly dead!

Of course it was that bad. Anaphylaxis kills if untreated. It's terrifying to experience - the patient literally cannot breathe - and terrifying to witness.

Given that you carry epipens, your husband obviously knows this ^ and the fact that he did nothing to help you or your DD means that he is, categorically, a prick. LTB.

I hope you're feeling better now. I felt weak and shaky for days after both my analphylaxis episodes, and actually ended up with PTSD for years, so please do speak to your GP for emotional / mental support if you need to OP. Big hugs to you and your very brave and lovely DD.

x-post sorry!

Just to be clear there are no other DC, it was a bank holiday weekend he wasn’t at work, no pets and no other commitments

That’s unforgivable- combination of him being completely unreliable & not seeming to care about you. He should have collected your DD if nothing else.

If my DH acted like that it would kill off any residual love I had for him.

Sorry OP. Hope you’re ok.

3 times? Proper prince this one isnt he? But I am betting that he would expect you to run and do the loving wife thing if he was in need.

Divorce the cunt.

Why wasn’t he out on the seaside trip with you?