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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If this happened to you, what would your DH/DP do?

326 replies

Inarightpickleandchutney · 02/11/2017 19:00

Let’s say you were about an hour away from home.
With a DD, having a day out at the seaside.
I have a known allergy and carry epi pens.
I went to a cafe with DD, asked about the food, ordered etc. Minutes later after a first mouthful I’m struggling for breath and it’s very obvious it’s anaphylactic shock.
DD is 7, tells a grown up they do the epi pen and n ambulance is called.

The nurse at the hospital calls home to say don’t panic but this has happened and it was a close call but it’s all under control.

Your DH.... what is their response to that call?

OP posts:
OptimisticHamster · 02/11/2017 20:24

Divorce worthy.

Does the cafe know what happened? Restaurant owners can face criminal charges now for this sort of things. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

AnyFucker · 02/11/2017 20:24

Yes it is divorce worthy

Lovemenoooooww · 02/11/2017 20:24

With men they show you how they feel about you by their actions. Forget words and always look at their actions. He’s telling you a lot here about how he feels about you and about who he is as a person

Thebluedog · 02/11/2017 20:25

Mine would have been in the car and up to the hospital regardless of what he was doing.

I think it’s absolutelt disgusting that he left you and your DC in the hospital for 9 hours and also let you come home on public transport. Honestly gobsmacked! I presume he has a car and drives?

Turkkadin · 02/11/2017 20:25

This is the third time you have really needed him and he has refused to help you. By accepting this horrible inconsiderate behaviour you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of hurt and disappointment.
Taking your fury out on the football will achieve precisely what?
Don't even take your fury out on him because screaming and shouting won't get you anywhere. He sounds almost sadistic in his neglect.
He is not there for you when you need him and doesn't deserve your love.

ferntwist · 02/11/2017 20:26

Oh OP so sorry this has happened to you. Total dereliction of his duty to you and DD. Very glad you are considering your options. He doesn't deserve a lovely family.

HolgerDanske · 02/11/2017 20:26

That is utterly despicable behaviour. Toward you, and toward your daughter. I would never forgive him, I would never again be able to respect him and I would have made that solicitor's appointment for the next available slot, too.

Christmastree43 · 02/11/2017 20:27

I think my boyfriend would say do you want me to come. He wouldn’t ‘grow wings’ or ‘be in the car before the nurse put the phone down’ like some of these hero men 😂

RapunzelsRealMom · 02/11/2017 20:27

I’ve never said this before: LTB.

The third time he has seriously let you down? His actions speak volumes- he doesn’t care enough about your or your DD. I can’t imagine my DH not rushing to me, but the thought of not rushing to your daughter, who was, to all intents and purposes, alone is unforgivable.

I’m sorry you’ve married a prick OP but it’s never too late to change that

RandomMess · 02/11/2017 20:27

I asked DH (he doesn’t drive) he looked at me like I was insane and said he’d do everything in his power to get to me...

Yes it’s divorce worthy!

JaneEyre70 · 02/11/2017 20:27

My DH can be a selfish sod at times but he would have driven there as soon as he could. I'm really sorry you and your DD got left to get on with it. You both deserve better Flowers.

Amme1234 · 02/11/2017 20:27

My eldests dad(we've been split for years) would have dropped everything and came straight away just to make sure his daughter was okay. I don't think you're over-reacting by wanting to leave. Your daughter sounds fantastic though, you must be very proud of her.

HandbagKrabby · 02/11/2017 20:27

Absolutely ltb. He was a prick to you and a prick to your daughter. Who would sit on their arse watching football whilst anyone was going through this? If it was a neighbour or an acquaintance you would help them out and support the child, any decent human being would. I’d have come and I don’t know you from Adam!

Relationships are not hard work. You do not need this man in your life. I can’t think of anything lonelier than living with someone who has shown that when the chips are down, they literally won’t even get off their arse for their 7 year old child. Dickhead.

OrangeCrush19 · 02/11/2017 20:28

This thread has made me realise I have absolutely no idea how to use an epipen. If I’d been the only adult around and your DD had asked me for help, I wouldn’t have known what to do. I’m off to google and educate myself.

Thanks for the wake-up call - now make it two and LTB. Not only did he let you down hugely, he’s given his daughter the message that being with her, reassuring her and looking after her is not important to him. She must have been bloody terrified.

Flowers
Lovemenoooooww · 02/11/2017 20:28

My ExP is like this. It’s just weird. He’s a terrible example to your DD.

Joinourclub · 02/11/2017 20:29

What a shit. What an absolute shit. Poor you. And your poor DC.

biscuitmillionaire · 02/11/2017 20:30

It's not so much that you would be divorcing him over this incident, it would be over what this incident reveals about his attitude to you and your precious DD.

Don't try and convince him that he was/is a prick. Just make your arrangements to leave (or get him to leave).

HolgerDanske · 02/11/2017 20:31

My fiancé would have got straight in the car. He would do exactly the same for each of my daughters and they're not even his children.

He literally would have done anything to get there and be there for us. He is my rock. Not a selfish, disrespectful, self-centred arsehole.

thecatsabsentcojones · 02/11/2017 20:31

Oh what a terrible scenario. What a selfish arsehole.

I've just asked my workaholic anaesthetist husband what he'd do fearing the 'well I couldn't leave, there'd be no one to cover' but he said he'd get out asap.

I'm imagining that there's other instances of lack of care from this prick you're married to? If there is - and it's highly likely - then it's not just this occasion. Get to that solicitor, it's easy to forgive because a divorce is upheaval but think about his behaviour on the whole. Do you want your wonderful daughter aspiring to that type of relationship when she's older?

I know it's easy to give advice and so much harder to live through it. Wish you all the luck in the world OP.

bastardkitty · 02/11/2017 20:31

He doesn't deserve to be in your life. Of course he thinks you're exaggerating. He wants you to put up and shut up. Please don't. Good luck with a much happier future without him. Being with someone like this is a nightmare compared to being single or having a loving partner.

ZetaPuppis · 02/11/2017 20:32

My dh can be self centred and loves his football too but he would definitely come up.
No way would he see me and dc get the train home from hospital if he could come and pick us up.
Your dh’s behaviour is disgusting.

eddielizzard · 02/11/2017 20:34

even if you were physically fine you needed emotional support at the very minimum. and a helping hand getting home. maybe make sure you had food. of course he should have dropped everything in a heartbeat.

TheFickleFingerOfFate · 02/11/2017 20:34

My DH would make sure the child was ok and then bring her to see me in the hospital to reassure her. But if I reassured him I was ok then he'd probably stay at home with her and come for me next dy when i was released.

PoorYorick · 02/11/2017 20:35

Your husband is a prince. Oh no, wait, that other thing. A turd.

MozzchopsThirty · 02/11/2017 20:35

In my 13 years on MN I don’t think I’ve ever said it but

*LTB X 1,000,000
*
Not only did he demonstrate that he can’t give a fuck about you but he can’t give a fuck about his dc either!!!!

Hideous!!!!!

I’d get him out into another room and make plans to get rid of this tumour