If this happened to you, what would your DH/DP do?

[Inarightpickleandchutney]

Let’s say you were about an hour away from home.
With a DD, having a day out at the seaside.
I have a known allergy and carry epi pens.
I went to a cafe with DD, asked about the food, ordered etc. Minutes later after a first mouthful I’m struggling for breath and it’s very obvious it’s anaphylactic shock.
DD is 7, tells a grown up they do the epi pen and n ambulance is called.

The nurse at the hospital calls home to say don’t panic but this has happened and it was a close call but it’s all under control.

Your DH.... what is their response to that call?

My dh would have come to the hospital to bring me/dd home but he wouldn't have rushed there or been worried exactly because the nurse said it was under control.

Barbarian but what if you had a 7 yr old dc with you? Your dh wouldn’t have come for them? Just let them hang around all day?

My stbxh was similarly selfish and lacked compassion and kindness when I needed help.There were so many incidents where he failed to respond appropriately.He is self diagnosed with ASD but he's also highly arrogant, selfish, ego driven and unable to apologise.

Ultimately I decided I wanted and deserved a partner who had my back, especially when I saw how other partners were capable of such care, over less serious issues.

Ex was at work when I called him to say someone had crashed into my car, making it a write off, police on the scene and I had our baby son in the car and I was in early stages of pregnancy.He came straight away BUT I suspect it was for show to work colleagues as the first thing he did was drive to the garage where the car was towed to see If I had 'exaggerated'. There was no concern for me..despite miscarrying the next day.

All my family and friends assumed my husband would support me so in reality I was more alone than I am today.At least as a single parent people offer assistance, previously they wouldn't as just assumed H was there.I feel more cared for now than whilst I was married.

Your daughter sounds amazing but I feel for her, she must have been terrified at times. The nurse was reassuring to your H so that he didnt drive stupidly to get to you quickly..(as a normal caring husband woul little did she know she gave him a pass to sit on his arse.

Yes he would. But he'd be quite measured about it, not galloping out of the door in panic like I would if the situation were reversed.

Sorry, that's "yes he would come and get the 7 year old " not "yes he'd leave her there all day".

What a selfish, selfish human being
Cunt! The word you are looking for is CUNT!!!

I'm glad you are considering ending this.
He sounds awful.

No Hells - cunt implies depth and warmth, and this specimen has neither

I wholly agree wth this :

"All my family and friends assumed my husband would support me so in reality I was more alone than I am today.At least as a single parent people offer assistance, previously they wouldn't as just assumed H was there.I feel more cared for now than whilst I was married"

People used to assume I was a single parent, coping so well. I. Got so used to doing it all and it took me years to realise I'd fallen into the martyrdom trap. Relying on him was pointless, so I just did it all myself...actual single parenting is easier and he's actually a better father when he has the dc these days as I'm not there to pick up the pieces for him.

dh would talk to me first.
While his instinct would be to come and get me, he is very practical, we have 3 dcs, he would be thinking of least disruption etc.

After speaking to me, I would say come, or no, I'm fine, etc. He would make his decision to come based on that.

But then I read that you had to come home by train.
I think in those circumstances he would have come to pick me up striaght away.

steppemum also presumably of all 3 kids were with you he'd step up and insist on fetching them at least

See I think in some cases it would be fine to stay home.. for example when I had my section, DP came to see baby but then I was in hospital for a few days totally on my own as he had a three year old to look after who wouldn’t be able to see mum in hospital and leave her there. He is 100% dedicated!

But you had a child with you, he wasn’t home busy looking after another child, and you needed to get home. That’s shit that he didn’t come.

And you're still with him, no doubt, because he's a great dad and really lovely and fiunny and works hard, honestly he does?

Oh! I read on. I see you're done with him. Excellent stuff! Strength and health and happiness to you.

Mine would've walked out of work (has in past) or dropped everything to rush to hospital. It seems odd to me he didn't make a move to get you both :(

Mine reacted in the same way and didn't do anything either. A similar thing happened to me when I was stranded with an ongoing health issue. He was more embarrassed that I'd had a "funny turn" in public and relieved he wasn't with me. He's now my ex (but father to all my children).

At the very least he should have been there to make sure his daughter was ok. Thats at the VERY least.
My standard (now, it wasn't always!) is that you need a man that will literally wipe your bum if need be, and if he wouldn't do that he's not worth your time.... clearly I'm not advocating testing this theory on a first date. But you get the idea!

Dh just came downstairs for a coffee, so I put the situation to him, and he said - well obviously I would come and get you, or at least get dd if I possibly could, assuming I could arrange other kids, was able to get out of work/wasn't working 3 hours away etc.

I wouldn't be 'jumping in the car before the phone was down' I would be talking to you and making arrangements and coming to get dd and then coming back to get you when discharged.

Then after some thought he said - who was looking after the dd? Why didn't the hospital make him come even to get dd?
and then (he isn't British) of course it would depend on you not going all British on me and saying 'no I'm fine I don't need help' when you really mean COME NOW!
(I did reassure him that in these circumstances I would be very clear!)

So I think I under estimated him.

My standard (now, it wasn't always!) is that you need a man that will literally wipe your bum if need be, and if he wouldn't do that he's not worth your time.... clearly I'm not advocating testing this theory on a first date. But you get the idea!

I love this.
Actually find it very moving, in a funny sort of way.

Well my DP doesn’t drive and if he was told I was stable I don’t think he’d come tbh. As long as we were both safe I think it’d be too awkward.
But our DD is only 1 so I think he’d come to look after her because I couldn’t

He sounds like he was an arse about it.

Mine would have been there no matter how far away I was.

I'm fairly accident prone and have been in hospital a lot. My husband will quite often stay at home if he is told it's not life threatening, mainly because he can finish work and also pack a bag for me if needed. I'm not phased by hospital, it's happened so often I don't really mind as long as the painkillers work. All that would happen when he is there would be lots of waiting around for him.
The risk is he could miss something important or if I'm scared, but he does the necessary things, I would much rather have my phone chargers and clean clothes than him sat there looking bored.
I think we are a bit desensitised to it now. I broke my hand a few years ago and we were going to wait until after he finished work to go to hospital (no blood or bones sticking out but definitely broken), I had plans for coffee at my house with a friend so decided to continue with them. She was horrified he hadn't rushed me straight in and insisted on doing it.
That being said he comes and visits me every day, brings me food, clean clothes etc, and there is no chance he wouldn't be there for something important like surgery. He just doesn't need to come rushing in every time I break an ankle or something minor like that.

frosty - you and your dh sound like me and mine.
I broke my ankle at 6 am, and they wouldn't send an ambulance, told me to get dh to bring me. He propped me up on sofa with a bag of frozen peas and then went and got kids ready, breakfast etc and took them to school, then took me to A&E, about 9 am

To be fair we didn't realise how bad it was at the time, turned out to be very bad. But the frozen peas were actually a good move, and I wasn't really in pain (adrenaline I think)

You and your DD sound like a solid little team. You don’t need him. Good luck at the solicitors.

It is sad to think that the hospital have shown your daughter more empathy and care than her own father. From your description I take it that they kitted her out with a doctor's uniform and let her "help" with your care. This must have gone a long way to keep her calm and feel a level of control while her mother was unresponsive.
I can't think of a single scenario where my DH would not fly to our daughter's side in a similar situation.

Hermonie2016 I am so sorry about the miscarriage.

Over the years my dh has been very compassionate, including giving me the least sexual shower in the history of showing (as I recovered from an infection)!

However, I had a miscarriage a long time ago and dh didn't suggest hospital. I think he had believed the docs, it would be like a regular period. But it was much worse and I was scared.

In the end I said I wanted to go to hospital. They kept me in so I don't think I was exaggerating!

The fact my dh failed to assess the situation really hurt and it took a while for me to get over him being 'too calm' in my book!

But he did get me help, he drove me and dd (about 18 months old) to the hospital in the middle of the night.

The other time he failed to assess property was when I was taken to hospital with chest pains by ambulance first thing in the morning! He asked me if I would be getting the bus home. I told him plainly not! When I was kept in for days I think he realised it could have been serious! Luckily, it was not!

My dh is generally very kind and giving but I think quite thoughtless about emotions. He is practical and calm and sometimes for me too calm.

On your situation OP I think I would have asked the nurses direct when did he say he was coming to get dd.

OP I wonder if you did ask him or nurses direct? Or if you did not because you knew he would not come?