Is this normal within a relationship?

[Lacura]

Hi everyone.
My partner of 13 years has booked a holiday with his 20 year old daughter. A week away in January to somewhere in Europe. He said he might do this and also said I wasn't invited because I wouldn't enjoy it. I found an email this morning, they booked it yesterday. He hasn't told me yet.
Me and his daughter haven't always seen eye to eye, in fact for the first seven or eight years of our relationship I wasn't allowed anywhere near her because her mother wouldn't hear of it.
Is it normal, to take your 20 year old daughter abroad for a week without your partner?
Also what is concerning me is that I'm due to have a small operation within the next couple of months, he's clearly not taken that into account at all.
I feel so upset, not sure if I've a right to be upset, that's why I'm posting.

[Lacura]

I knew them both. They had a baby. Moved away. Split up. He moved back. She stayed there. We got together. How is that not possible?

[Gemini69]

morning OP.... could your DP believe you unfit to be able to keep up with the activities He and his DD want to do whilst on holiday? I could be wrong but are they both active types ? hill walking.. cycling... swimming... I just ask because you mention your needing surgery very soon on your shoulder . which does affects everything you do... maybe he wants them both to be able to get up and go... type of thing... just a thought.. with him considering you a hindrance...

[Graphista]

"partner was single when I met him"

"I also knew the 'couple' before they split up"

Contradictory statements, can't both be true. Also why put 'couple' in commas? They WERE a couple who had a child together (planned or unplanned is irrelevant).

[Lacura]

Honestly Graphista, give it a rest. They were only a 'couple' because she lied about being on the pill and got pregnant within 3 months of going out with him. I actually knew him for years before he started seeing her. Not that this has any bearing on my original post but you do seem like a bit of a Doubting Thomas.

[namechange2222]

I think my daughter would have been so touched if her father had done this for her. I think you need to remember that blood usually is thicker than water. There's no reason to assume your partner's daughter would want you to be on holiday with them, why should she?

[Lacura]

Well he's told me now. I asked why he didn't tell me when he booked it, he said it just didn't come up in the conversation.

[MsHarry]

[Cabininthewoods69]

I cant believe some people on here. I understand where your coming from and we would go on holiday as a family and no one is left behind. We are also proud of the fact we are so inclusive as a blended family. I wouldnt like to be the one left behind either. At least you have spoken about it now thats good. Has he explained any further as to why your not invited

[MsHarry]

When I see my sister alone it is different than when I see her with her partner. Sometimes you need 1:1 time, especially father and daughter.

[MsHarry]

But. he definitely should have discussed and check it was convenient before booking.

[Lacura]

He says it won't be my cup of tea... walking, hiking... despite the fact that we go skiing, for some reason he decided for me that I wouldn't want to go. The way I have been excluded has upset me, not so much the fact that the two of them are going away together. They have had many many trips away camping and city breaks over the years but this is going to be a wonderful trip abroad and I am sad not to have been invited.

[MsHarry]

The way I have been excluded has upset me, not so much the fact that the two of them are going away together.

YABU. It's lovely that they want to spend time together. You're missing the point. You shouldn't be jealous of his daughter. You should be cross at how he is treating you by not consulting you first. I find that odd.

[MsHarry]

Just reread, but you are jealous of this trip and that is not the issue.

[Ruddygreattiger2016]

So they have had 'many trips away camping and city breaks over the years'. This is a regular thing thing for them to do then

[FrustratedTeddyLamp]

* MN is not representative on topics like this*

I think MN isn’t representative of like 90% of topics but I reckon people only find it representative when it suited them

[BitOutOfPractice]

OP you still won't tell us what the rest of your relationship is like. You've hinted darkly a few times. But is he generally lovely. Or a bit of a knob TO YOU. Take the DSD out of the equation, and this holiday,, and give us a clue of what he's usually like

[Lacura]

An insensitive knob sometimes, loving other times. Likes to be in control but doesn't always manage it. But then so do I.

[Charley50]

I think if you were her 'actual' mum, but had posted the same thing, everyone would have said what a selfish dick your DP is being, but because you've 'only' been his partner for a 'mere' 13 years; you aren't allowed feelings or consideration and 'daddy daughter special time' trumps anything else.

[Charley50]

And of course there is nothing wrong with dad and daughter going away, but did anyone read the post where OP said she had tried to organize a special holiday already for his birthday for the three of them, and he said he didn't need a holiday.
I think he sounds really selfish, OP.

[Lacura]

Thanks Charlie. I felt a bit like an outcast in here tbh, as I am neither mum, step mum or wife. Although his daughter has told me she refers to me as step mum and wishes her mother had never 'poisoned' her against me.

[Lacura]

Sorry.. Charley50

[Cabininthewoods69]

Lots of people thinking children from previous relationships must be treated like golddust. And daddys new woman is a evil witch and selfish as well as chikdish. Needless to say just others unresolved daddy issues.

[NotDavidTennant]

As you're discovering, OP, step-parents can do no right on MN. Sorry that you've been treated bit a shittily by your DP, and that you've been given such a hard time on here as well.

[Charley50]

Lacura - has your DP acknowledged at all why you might be upset?

[Thymeout]

You can't create a blended family out of individuals who don't want to be blended. From what you've said, neither your partner nor his daughter want a blended family. This may well have been due to the attitude of his ex, but the situation now is as it is.

Your dp enjoys holidays with his dd and vv. Taking you along as well would obviously be a totally different dynamic. My parents were married for over 50 years. My best memories of my father were the days when he took me out and we went all over London together. My mother stayed at home doing her own thing, because she said that if she were there my father would end up talking to her all the time. We had family days out too, but they were different.

I don't think you should be hurt by this. It seems perfectly normal to me that they would have a better time on their own. Just as you and your dp would have a better time on holiday as a couple. If you think you wouldn't, then there really is a problem in your relationship. You are coming across as jealous and possessive and I can understand why your dp isn't keeping you up to date with every move.