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Original poster

Am I overreacting aboit DH's new female friend?

366 replies

EmbarrassedAndPregnant · 30/10/2017 08:48

Just to begin with, I'm 36 weeks pregnant and quite emotional. I'm scared I've overeacted hugely to this.

DH has a new female friend from work. They've been talking late at night, text a lot, went out for dinner once alone together. I don't have an issue with this. What I have an issue with is him lying to me about it!

I've thought something was up for a while, and today had a look at his IPad after he went to work. I'm not proud of that, but I just knew something was up. Turns out whenever he said he 'fell asleep downstairs watching a film' or 'was going out to dinner with a group of people from work' it was complete bullshit. He was either talking to or out with her. It's all perfectly innocent from what I've read, so why is there any need to lie to me in the first place?

So I have texted him about it Sad I'm just angry. I just feel like clearly something is going on if he can't just be honest about his relationship with a female friend. And now I feel particularly stupid because I'll have to wait till he gets home to discuss it properly.

Honestly, have I overeacted?

OP posts:
TracyBeakerSoYeah · 31/10/2017 22:27

He's being a 1st class twat & he needs telling.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 31/10/2017 22:31

“Marathon training” is both affair and selfish twat bingo. You really need to come down hard on this -enlist his mother if you can.

KalaLaka · 31/10/2017 22:32

Go with them when he drops her home.

This is not ok. You're not hormonally irrational: this is just not ok.

You can't just go off on holidays abroad with friends when you have children... and you certainly don't go with one friend of the opposite sex.

Trust yourself. He will try to make you sound 'mad' but you are not.

flumpybear · 31/10/2017 22:32

He’s going to bugger off abroad and leave you alone with a baby?! Tell him to take you in bloody holiday!!

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 31/10/2017 22:37

Incidentally OP you don’t need a smoking gun - he is being selfish and disrespectful when you most need his love and support and that’s enough on its own to go nuclear about. And she’s a nasty piece of work but an irrelevance.

MyOtherProfile · 31/10/2017 22:38

They're going to run marathons abroad together? Which presumably involves lots of training together and excludes you? I don't think so.

passmethewineplease · 31/10/2017 22:39

Hang on you're 36 weeks pregnant and cooking dinner for them?!?! Confused

Honestly OP I have no issue with friends of the opposite sex but not to this extent.

Your DP sounds like a shit. Who's going to be holding baby why he is off abroad with this woman for "marathons?!" Not to mention why he is training for them?

Sorry OP sounds like a massive pile of BS. Sad

magoria · 31/10/2017 22:39

How have you not said hang on a minute you will have a less than year old baby when are you going to fit in the training, find the money and fit it the leave.

midnightmisssuki · 31/10/2017 22:40

No no no. Don't let him do this OP. It sounds the sort of something. And the brass neck on her to be in YOUR house discussing going abroad with YOUR husband?! Have the both of them no respect for you at all?! I am surprised - don't let your husband treat you like this.

tallwivglasses · 31/10/2017 22:40

They're discussing future marathons while you're bouncing on your birthing ball? Fuck that.

tallwivglasses · 31/10/2017 22:40

They're discussing future marathons while you're bouncing on your birthing ball? Fuck that.

passmethewineplease · 31/10/2017 22:41

OP it is NOT your insecurity. He Is being a sneaky inconsiderate arsehole.

magoria · 31/10/2017 22:42

As for white lies because you were hormonal that is fucking BS.

They were blatant huge lies because he wanted nice cosy dinners and chats with another woman and knew it was wrong so didn't want you rocking his chances.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 31/10/2017 22:44

And if he suggests he drops her off, say no, I am your nine months pregnant wife and I need you here - she can get a cab. Their reaction will be telling.

BewareOfDragons · 31/10/2017 22:44

Fucking hell.

Are you serious?

Is he serious?

He's really doing a number on you ...

user1499333856 · 31/10/2017 22:45

That woman is a threat to your marriage. And you know it!

Frillyhorseyknickers · 31/10/2017 22:49

You DH needs a really short sharp shock.

Pack your bag, and your hospital bag, and go and stay with someone who cares about you. He's made you host dinner at 36weeks pregs whilst he plans international travel with someone he has been secretly meeting whilst lying to you.

Pack your stuff and break until he pulls his head out of his arse, because things get a fuck tonne harder when you throw a newborn into the mix - if he's not on your side you're better off alone.

TopangaD · 31/10/2017 22:50

Op worried about you.. anyupdwtw how can we help!

3EyedRaven · 31/10/2017 22:54

Fuck. That. Shit.

newdaylight · 31/10/2017 22:54

Regardless of everything else, you don't set about planning marathons abroad when you're about to have a baby

FredericaFreiheit · 31/10/2017 22:55

He's made you host dinner at 36weeks pregs whilst he plans international travel with someone he has been secretly meeting whilst lying to you.

This. And then told you it's your fault because you've been hormonal.

I'm trying not to project too much because my ex cheated on me when I was pregnant. I 'knew' something was going on, but he denied, denied - he would never do such a thing blah, blah, blah and also told me I was 'being hormonal'. I still find that one of the hardest things to get over - that he could be so manipulative - so this is triggering quite a few things for me.

I'm not saying he's having an affair (he might be) - but he certainly isn't acting like a decent, loving, supportive husband and father to be.
You need to make it clear that you deserve better OP, because it sounds like he doesn't think you do.

Bumdishcloths · 31/10/2017 22:57

What an insufferable shit - as if he’s planning international marathons when he’ll have a young baby, LET ALONE planning them with some bird he’s interested in, and in your own bloody house, after you’ve cooked bloody dinner. The front is unbelievable.

I’m so sorry, I don’t have any practical advice other than to prioritise yourself and your baby - he’s being so disrespectful to you and your child Sad

Santawontbelong · 31/10/2017 22:57

So fatherhood looms and he is still planning to carry on with his single lifestyle? Planning time away with another woman?
Get a grip op - of either his balls or his throat.

And whilst you pack your hospital bag suggest he packs a pack also - and fucks the fuck off.

2ducks2ducklings · 31/10/2017 22:57

What the hell?
Is he actually serious? I don't know how you've not bounced that birthing ball right off his head as he sat there planning his little excursions for next year.
If I were you, I'd be telling him a few home truths tonight!

timeisnotaline · 31/10/2017 22:59

Just wow. So you are going to have a baby and he , instead of supporting you, is going to start marathon training for hours a week and travelling abroad for them. You are not being hormonal. You are being very reasonable cooking them dinner! I like the packing your bag and staying somewhere plan.