Caught DH sexting another woman

[user58104372]

Can't sleep as I just found this a few hours ago. DH is a great man, we've been together for 13 years, married last year two beautiful DC 5 and 9. He's always been very supportive of me, helped get a degree so I could become a teacher, helps around the house, great dad. I don't know how long it has been going on for, I had no interest in reading too many details if all the conversations they had on FB. She's a mum from school, we're not friends, but my best friend is friends with her, she's married and as far as I would know lives a happy life. I don't even know how they "met" , but it seems that one day DH noticed her and started obsessing over her. Of what I can tell from their messages (there were too many of them), he's the one who pursued her and she didn't put any resistance. I read how he called her "possibly the most beautiful human being on earth" for instance. At some point they started sexting, explicit messages telling her what he wanted to do to her and a photo of his erection. As far as I can tell, they actually haven't slept together but it seems like they both want/plan to. I don't know how to move forward from this. One part of me says it isn't cheating "nothing" has happened but it's not just the sexual content that upsets me, I'm so heartbroken he's so infatuated by her and that he actually pursued her. I never thought he was that type of man. I also see this woman at the school gate I'll have to control myself not to slap her.

user how are you today? Hope you are having a big hug from your kids. It must be so hard for you right now

I am in complete agreement with you telling him. You did not do it for revenge or to be mean. You telling him was a kindness and the right thing to do and I am upset that folk are telling you otherwise.

As someone who has also been cheated on - I wish someone had indeed had the guts to tell me rather than me finding out the hard way months later.

Well I hope the OP comes back after all the derailing and people make g it all about them!!

Hope you are okay OP xxx

Hope you’re OK, OP, please don’t be hectored off your own thread

Thinking of you OP

Op

Hope you are staying strong, this is your thread and people are here for you.

🍷

Sorry everyone over here. I had to hit the gin in the end. H decided to get in touch. Just to say he'll be with the DC tomorrow. He didn't say much, he just said he felt trapped. Such a cliche. Thank you for all your support.

Have some selfish self absorbed ppl managed to upset the OP- as if she didn’t have enough going already? This is a support forum remember. OP, well done for handling all do well. I’d have been a ruin by now... xx

@ Sunny

As suggested by Lorna, let's focus on the Op.

Op, People realise you are still all over the place and using all your energy just to hold things together and keep things normal for the children.

I suspect he'll use this week away to ' reset ' and convince you that it was all a big mistake. He'll have had plenty of time to think of plan B. Tell him he needs to focus on the children and give you your space. Remember, it was far from a mistake, you know that, but whatever you decide, you'll still have every bodies thoughts and good wishes.

I think you deserve a glass of gin or three.

If he feels trapped, tell him it's over and you've set him free. His back pedalling will be furious.

Are you ok with him having the DC tomorrow?
Nothing wrong with gin or 3.
I thought it said gym at first.

Whilst he has the kids go out and pamper yourself. Make yourself feel better.

OP we are here to support you. If you want to vent or need advice, we are here. Whatever you need.

No body has the right to judge you. At the risk of sounding like a cliche, you must live your own truth.

Hope today goes ok for you.

Hi OP, my BF had sex with my STBXH. She phoned me up and told me. I am very glad she told me.

I have a new BF in the form of a wonderful boyfriend.

I am also a teacher as is my boyfriend and I am happy - really happy. It took a long time to get to this point. I think you have acted so courageously and although it is early days I'm sure you too will look back at this point and think thank goodness you found out your husbands true colours.

Hope you have plenty of RL support.

@user58104372 he is a selfish twunt, a g&t or several sounds lovely. I can’t believe he has made this all about him. As you op said it’s like a high school crush. I think in a few months time he will be absolutely gutted that he has been this stupid wether he tells you or not though. Iv has several friends (m&f) thrown away long term relationships on fleeting fancies and every single one of them regret it. Oh and a father also. I don’t think the partners they flounced from feel the same I think that bodes well for you.

Feels trapped? Honestly. Talk about adding insult to injury. Leave him to his freedom... See how long it takes before he realises the grass wasn't greener. Sending huge hugs to you and your dc xxx

I'm sorry he's being such a 'limp lettuce' OP ..

thinking if you today

You enjoy every sip of gin OP hope it helps find pleasures for yourself now you deserve it. My disgraced STBXH is in bits now and I am not sorry I am delighted that he feeling just some of the pain. Big believer in karma. Believe me it may not seem like it but it will get easier. Have a peaceful werkend. I think you amazing holding it together and going to work and looking after DC. You are in my thoughts

@user58104372 I’m very jealous of you enjoying the gin. I’ve got my postnatal bottle lined up for next week eek!

Well, he’s got some front has t he, saying he feels trapped. This is the sort of thing I’d expect him to come out with, after all its all about him isn’t it?

Such a poor show. You and your children deserve so much better. I hope this weekend is proving too upsetting and draining. Am thinking of you and hope you are OK.

If it’s shit, just visualise a nice g & t and when he’s buggered off again. 💐

Weekend is *NOT proving
Jesus terrible typo 🙈

Op

If he comes to see the children, go out, et some me time, have your hair done, buy those expensive shoes you've akways wanted, have lunch with a good friend and kick back for s few hours 😀

And pick up a ( small ) bottle of gin, for later when the kids are in bed.

Then when he's gone, take the kids out, park, cinema, your Mum's, because undoubtedly they love him, but they are going to be confused and will need continued reassurance and massive hugs....

((( Hugs ))) for you.

Et = get

Predictive text - Aaarrgh.

I could almost be reading about my life reading what happened to you. I'm so sorry.

My ex was texting the exact same things to a woman at his work. Now I'm divorced and heading to court to keep hold of my children, and fighting for an equal share of my house. My ex is an arrogant, manipulative, controlling, duplicitous snake and I'm glad I left.

Hugs to you darling xxx

New user name as MN decided to log me out and was never able to log back in.

H had the DC for most of today while I slept and tried to recollect myself. He then tried to talk to me about it for the first time, so I sent our DC to my sister's for a bit.

I'm shattered. He's now saying he's actually in love. Yes, he felt trapped, he felt that way for a long time. He felt he settled because our first one was not planned and had to stay. Not that he never loved me, he did but in his brutal honesty he admitted that without our DS he probably wouldn't stayed and he just carried on with a life he didn't plan for. He gave up his dreams and his passions. He claimed we didn't share the same interests, which to be fair to him is true but never thought of that as a deal breaker. The OW is apparently everything he dreamed of but thought it was out reach. They both share a passion for art and a love for the outdoors. He thinks he can build a new life with her based on this.

I didn't need to know any of this

He's rewriting history there to suit his new narrative. Have you read The Script? Textbook stuff.