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Original poster

Caught DH sexting another woman

910 replies

user58104372 · 29/10/2017 05:11

Can't sleep as I just found this a few hours ago. DH is a great man, we've been together for 13 years, married last year two beautiful DC 5 and 9. He's always been very supportive of me, helped get a degree so I could become a teacher, helps around the house, great dad. I don't know how long it has been going on for, I had no interest in reading too many details if all the conversations they had on FB. She's a mum from school, we're not friends, but my best friend is friends with her, she's married and as far as I would know lives a happy life. I don't even know how they "met" , but it seems that one day DH noticed her and started obsessing over her. Of what I can tell from their messages (there were too many of them), he's the one who pursued her and she didn't put any resistance. I read how he called her "possibly the most beautiful human being on earth" for instance. At some point they started sexting, explicit messages telling her what he wanted to do to her and a photo of his erection. As far as I can tell, they actually haven't slept together but it seems like they both want/plan to. I don't know how to move forward from this. One part of me says it isn't cheating "nothing" has happened but it's not just the sexual content that upsets me, I'm so heartbroken he's so infatuated by her and that he actually pursued her. I never thought he was that type of man. I also see this woman at the school gate I'll have to control myself not to slap her.

OP posts:
Original poster
user58104372 · 29/10/2017 07:23

He'll be out all day doing some off jobs today, so I'll be at home with our DC all day. I went through his texts but he doesn't seem to have her number, however I did find some texts between him and one of his dodgy friends telling him how much he lusted after her. From the sounds of it it was not entirely pre-meditated. Yes, he sought after her but he never thought he would get "lucky". I doubt he's done it before he's too shy, but it looks like he could never shake her of his head and acted upon it.

OP posts:
Warhammerwidow89 · 29/10/2017 07:42

As hard as it is too accept the OW is just a shitty person. It isn't her fault as much as it is his. He broke your trust, and marriage vows. He disrespected you.

Ignore her, it'll feel worse. If she's married it'll put her on edge wondering if your going to tell her husband. She may even tell him herself. That's punishment enough. Or add her husband on Facebook with the oh your so and sos dad.

Kick him out op. Focus your anger there. Make sure you tell people the why

Cambionome · 29/10/2017 07:43

Find your anger here, op. You have been treated like shit, and trying to minimise it won't help. Sad

Whisky2014 · 29/10/2017 07:47

You're being a fool. Your husband wants to fuck this woman and he is going to unless you intervene.
You seem to be angry at the woman instead of your husband...

Migraleve · 29/10/2017 07:52

You are making excuses for him already OP.

GlitteryFluff · 29/10/2017 07:56

This isn't ok op.
I'd definitely confront.
Make sure you have screenshots and if you feel the need get another look to make sure you haven't missed anything, as as soon as you confront he'll delete everything.
I'd wanna make sure they haven't slept together, and went to know everything he's said and done, to decide if this was something I could work past or not. I don't think I personally could but some people may.
Flowers

Teddy7878 · 29/10/2017 08:00

Definitely confront!
I know it's daunting as your world as you know it could come crashing down. But if you don't confront soon it will eat you up inside and make you truly miserable. Every time he's on his phone you'll be wondering if he's speaking to her.
Just tell him you went through his phone which you know is wrong but you had a strong gut feeling that something was going on

Original poster
user58104372 · 29/10/2017 08:00

Well he clearly wants to fuck her brains out (his words not mine). So I'm sure they would have eventually. It this seems that things escalated just lately, not that it matters, what's done is done. Her husband deserves to know the type of scumbag he married, but I don't think it's my place to tell him. It's just so out of character... He's shy and sweet not this lustful man that I didn't know existed

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 29/10/2017 08:05

Fuck. That's horrific. I'm so, so sorry, OP.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 29/10/2017 08:06

I agree with the very first poster - scorched earth policy. Can you get a friend/family to look after the kids for a few hours this afternoon and then hit him with both barrels? Get him to pack his stuff to leave and tell him you'll be seeing a solicitor first thing Monday. Only if you confront him and go complexly apeshit and ballistic do you have a chance of taking him seriously and realising what he's about to lose. Maybe that will shock him sufficiently to start rebuilding eventually ... if you want to rebuild again with the cheating shit.

Lottie509 · 29/10/2017 08:09

Oh how horrible for you to read that, Yes her husband deserves to know as well I would definately tell him. Think they both need a reality check themselves, Seems they are in their "safe" bubble at the moment where they think nobody knows.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 29/10/2017 08:10

I'd also tell her husband, why shouldn't it be your place? Her actions with your husband have involved both you and him. Up the pressure by causing a shitstorm her end too.

Opheliasgoldenwine · 29/10/2017 08:10

I’m so sorry OP, this is truly horrible. Here if you need a chat Flowers

Lottie509 · 29/10/2017 08:11

I agree with darklydreamingdexter get the kids out the way that way you wont have to hold back on how you really feel and wont need to censor yourself.

Cambionome · 29/10/2017 08:12

Op, with the best will in the world he isn't shy and sweet. He's telling another woman that he wants to fuck her brains out!

I know it's hard and I really feel for you, but you have to face up to this. Flowers

WunWun · 29/10/2017 08:15

He's not shy or sweet or a great man. Will you listen to yourself? He's cheating on you. He's even been gossiping about doing so with his friend, making a fool of you to his friend and showing how little he respects you. It's not out of character for him, he's just been good at fooling you.

NoFuckingWay · 29/10/2017 08:17

"DH is a great man."

No. He. Fucking. Isn't. Angry

He's a cheating bastard. If it wasn't this woman it would be someone else. She's not covering herself in glory but if she's a "whore" he is worse than that. A great man my arse.

I know it's painful but screenshot the lot of it or if you can't find a friend you trust to come over and do it for you so you don't have to look at the messages again. Ugh. What a cliche scumbag.

MeredithMorgan · 29/10/2017 08:21

I could not forgive that disloyalty alone and cheating, sharing his body parts with a woman... One you know?!! How low can anyone stoop. It makes me sick thinking what you must be going through. I'm so sorry OP

Tiddlywinks63 · 29/10/2017 08:23

He's a grubby, cheating scumbag.
Why the heck are you saying he's shy and sweet?
He'd make my flesh creep.

Zaphodsotherhead · 29/10/2017 08:23

My XH was sweet, shy, could barely talk to people. ASD, and had trouble socialising, speaking to strangers etc. He too, became obsessed with a woman on his course, and decided she was the woman for him, despite us being married barely two years. He was the last man in the world I would EVER have suspected of switching his affections, devoted to me, etc etc.

But he did. It turned out that his affections weren't reciprocated, in fact the poor girl hardly knew he existed, but he left me anyway. He'd been fantasising about them living together - and I couldn't live with a man who I felt was only with me because nothing better had come along yet. Find your anger, OP. Find your strength. Because he's not the man you thought you knew.

user1497997754 · 29/10/2017 08:25

Tell him to leave end of.....give yourself some time to think about your way forward.....needs to be done....end of

Annieshop · 29/10/2017 08:29

DH is a great man...he’s shy

Sorry op but you don’t know this man. This man is great at
pulling the wool over your eyes and not shy at going after
what he fancies.

Thebluedog · 29/10/2017 08:34

My exh had an emotional affair (this is exactly what your dh is doing), and we simply couldn't get past it. We tried for a further 3 years but my respect, love and trust was shattered after reading his messages.
He too was a lovely, great Dad, equal partnership, shy man. I married him because of all those lovely things and because I trusted him and thought he'd never have an affair. He started his emotional affair less than 4 months after we married. After that everything was marred.

As others have said, even if you want to try and get past it, the best thing you can do it make him believe that you want to end it, divorce him. Give him the fright of his life! Make him understand what he's done.

Unfortunately I can already see you are shifting the blame to her, minimising what he's done - I can already see myself in everything you are saying Confused

qazxc · 29/10/2017 08:34

Whilst I understand your anger at ow , it's easier to be angry at a stranger than your husband. You need to put that aside and deal with him.
Don't minimise or sweep under the rug what he did.

jeaux90 · 29/10/2017 08:36

OP I'm so sorry your husband isn't who you thought he was. I agree with a PP who advised the scorched earth way, he needs to feel the full brunt of your anger and intention.

A piece of advice. Avoid calling the OW names like whore, it's very misogynistic and the main fault here lays firmly with your partner.

You start going round saying things like that about her you might not get the sympathy you deserve.