Caught DH sexting another woman

[user58104372]

Can't sleep as I just found this a few hours ago. DH is a great man, we've been together for 13 years, married last year two beautiful DC 5 and 9. He's always been very supportive of me, helped get a degree so I could become a teacher, helps around the house, great dad. I don't know how long it has been going on for, I had no interest in reading too many details if all the conversations they had on FB. She's a mum from school, we're not friends, but my best friend is friends with her, she's married and as far as I would know lives a happy life. I don't even know how they "met" , but it seems that one day DH noticed her and started obsessing over her. Of what I can tell from their messages (there were too many of them), he's the one who pursued her and she didn't put any resistance. I read how he called her "possibly the most beautiful human being on earth" for instance. At some point they started sexting, explicit messages telling her what he wanted to do to her and a photo of his erection. As far as I can tell, they actually haven't slept together but it seems like they both want/plan to. I don't know how to move forward from this. One part of me says it isn't cheating "nothing" has happened but it's not just the sexual content that upsets me, I'm so heartbroken he's so infatuated by her and that he actually pursued her. I never thought he was that type of man. I also see this woman at the school gate I'll have to control myself not to slap her.

Sounds horrendous @hoihoipoli . I hope you are in a better place now. So awful how deceit can destroy everything.

@ Lollipop

Go back and re - read my posts, it was the Ops choice to tell OWH or not to tell him and I stated as such, adding as someone who had been in the OWH shoes, I want to know.

It was her choice, I think along with the majority on here that she made the right Choice.

Sadly, it appears you have made some horrendous life choices and you appear full of anger and bitterness.

Op made her choice and can on and move forward with her life, and hopefully find happiness.

The OWH can now make his decisions, whether to move forward on his on or try to work things out with his wife.

You are where you are because you seem to make one bad decision after another. but that's YOUR choice. I hope at some point you find yourself in a better place.

On = own

Serial - please read lollipops thread. Your words are perhaps harsher than you intended to somebody who is using all of their might to protect her children

Really sad and disappointed that you felt you had to tell him despite what many of us on here who have been in the same situation advised you

SOME people. Others, like myself, were glad we were told.

You did exactly the right thing OP

@NameWithChange all is wonderful now. Have a lovely dh and ds.

Go easy on lollipop everyone. She’s having a really shite time of it.

@ Reallynothappy

Many people, and many on here, at some point in their life has found themselves in a desolate and desperate place, such as one Lollipop is in now.

I feel for her.

But her backstory doesn't give her opinion any more weight than my opinion. In the final reality, her opinion or mine is irrelevant, it is the Ops opinion that counts, and it's up to her which choices she makes.

Mostly posters on here are being supportive of Op.

We all have a back story, mine is as / was as horrible as Lollipop's but I haven't aired it because it's irrelevant to this thread and Ops dilemma, as for the most part is Lollipops.

I suggest Lollipop starts her own thread. I'm sure she'll receive good advice and support.

It is not harsh to point out, despite external factors, and some circumstances beyond our control, for the most part, we find ourselves in life, in the position we are, mainly because of the decisions we make.

I repeat, I hope Lollipop finds herself in a better place soon, but that largely depends on the decisions SHE makes.

You're suggesting she starts her own thread...in my post I advised you read her thread...she has already started two. Read them. She's not someone spouting random 'advice' on the Internet or insulting somebody when they disagree, she's living through a hellish situation that certainly doesn't deserve to be blamed for 'the choices she's made'; she deserves to be praised for them. Her choices are responsible for removing herself and her children from a horrendous situation and is still battling.

Whether you agree or not with what she's said on this thread is one thing. Belittling her by telling her she needs to be up early for school just isn't necessary. Internet or not, people need to remember that words have an effect

@serialcheat your comment about my life choices and being full of bitterness is spot on. What a clever bunny you are. Do hope that acknowledgement makes you feel validated. Today is one of the worst days so far and you’ve taken great delight in kicking a dog that you already know is down.

Says a lot about you and the depths to which you are prepared to sink in terms of framing someone’s bleak personal circumstances in order to make a point of some sort in relation to arguing to the toss about a complete stranger’s life.

Suspect all this will be lost on you so will just leave you to it, there’s nothing else to say.

@Itsonkyme and @ReallyNotHappy76
Thank You. Today is so bloody awful I can’t think straight again but it’s lovely that people on here think of me and support me

Hugs OP. You’ve had a big shock and been badly betrayed. Hold your head up. I think you’ve dealt with everything with dignity. I think you did the right thing telling the OW’s husband. He sounds downtrodden by her and it sounds like she has complete disrespect for him too. You and the poor guy both deserve better. I hope you manage to stay strong and have support of loved ones around you. Take care x

I was unaware of Lollipops thread. I was unaware of her hellish situation until her last few posts. I am desperately sorry you are in this mess.

But why bring it into this thread and essentially hijack it !?

My backstory is as heartbreaking as yours, trust me, but I haven't aired it to gain extra weight to my argument through sympathy. This thread isn't about you or your situation, or mine.

We've had some verbal jousting, then at the end, throw your story into the mix ( This thread ).

You are in a mess, I'm sorry for you, but who can fix it, if it isn't you via the decisions you make.

Maybe you are right. Maybe Op was wrong to tell the OWH. Maybe it would be better for him to live in ignorance, or half ignorance, or purgatory. Maybe it might be better for him not to know what s conniving, peace of shit is wife is.

You've made your choices and according to Reallynothappy you should be praised for them. I haven't read your thread, but I hope they work for you.

But some of us, the majority actually, are of the opinion that the OWH should be able to make choices, too, wherever the news of his wife's behaviour comes from.

I hope you find yourself in a better place soon.

That should read: conniving piece of shit.

lollipop7 you are great and I admire your strength, so intelligent and balanced in your views ,don't mind the likes of serialcheat,some people will never be on the same level ..

Lollipop7 you are very welcome sweetheart. I know that you are savvy enough to totally blank the rantings of a nasty shrew like her.
I am thinking of you!keep fighting your corner! It will all be ok in the end.
My very best wishes to you and your little family. X

@ Teen & Itson;

You get all sanctimonious and accuse me of making ' nasty ' personal jibes, then do exactly the same thing yourselves.

Hypocrites.

@ Lollipop

I think I'm into three digits, the number of times I have backtracked because I was unaware of your situation, and the equal number of times I wished you well for your situation.

I'm concerned with the issues on this thread and such, I think we'll have to agree to disagree.

Wow Itson and Teen! And now you add name calling to the mix. Try taking your own advice. Such hypocritical behaviour.

Serial has been through an utter shit storm herself. Again, take your own advice. You read her threads.

Lollipop - good luck to you. I hope today (and everyday) gets better for you.

Ahem

This thread has almost been completely derailed into a slinging match, and we don't want to have to delete it, so can we try and keep it civil?

It would be a shame to lose it when there are so many great, supportive posts buried within. Let's not prevent people from getting the support they're looking for - please?

Peace and love...

Well done you, OP.

Don't listen to the 'kill the messenger' posters on here. You did the honest and right thing. The deceivers were going to continue deceiving everyone, given half a chance. Bravo! I'm rooting for you all the way OP.

Very best of luck to you and your children. May time be a kind ally and give you the gift of complete healing and wellness.

Lorna

Thank you. You are absolutely correct.

Op, apologies, it's just that people on here care deeply for you, your children and your health. Everybody, whatever their opinion, wants what's best for you.

Lollipop. I hope things work out for you.

How are you doing OP?
I’m sure you’re relieved it’s the weekend and you can relax without having to put a brave face on for work.
Hope you’re taking care of yourself and receiving plenty of RL support.

Well done op