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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband cheated for second time

261 replies

harriettep123 · 27/10/2017 11:20

I’m 50 h 52 we’ve been married for 30years happily so I thought. 4 years ago he had a 3 year emotional affair with an ex school mate he reconnected with on Facebook, they later met for sex in a Travelodge. I wanted continue with the marriage and he swore it wouldn’t happen again. Guess what ? He went to a rugby game with some mates picked up a young girl in a bar and had sex in his hotel room, I found out because he was guarding his phone while we were on a mini break in Spain. When we got back I got on his phone and they’d stayed in contact sexting on WhatsApp and arranging to meet again. Obviously I went ballistic and asked him to leave , he won’t and six months later he’s still here in the spare bedroom, as he LOves ME , lol !
Also last week I got on his web history on the iPad, he’s been using porn sites, dating sites and looking at escort girls in our area and in his home town where his parent live. I’ve made an appointment with a solicitor on Monday, but pathetically I still love him. I’m in pieces on antidepressants please help me to be strong. I know what I’d say to someone in my position so why can’t I be more pro-active ?Anyone else experienced this ?

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 01/11/2017 08:48

It's amazing how many people 'know' these shit bags but don't tell you.
Glad others have seen through him already.
You are sounding strong but you will crash so be ready and have all that wonderful support around you.
You will now start to 'find yourself'
It's wonderful and truly liberating!
Enjoy today.

serialcheat · 01/11/2017 12:08

Op, don't waiver.....

Or you'll be writing another letter to Mumsnet at some point: ' My husband has cheated for a third time '

HouseholdWords · 01/11/2017 14:56

he’s gone, taken a bag and a few clothes, don’t know where to

A Travelodge. A standard room.

Mxyzptlk · 01/11/2017 15:10

JingsMahBucket · 01/11/2017 18:32

Well done OP. I hope you had a lovely day off today. Has the divorce letter been received? If you're feeling wobbly, it's okay to check in here.

Original poster

harriettep123 · 02/11/2017 09:37

Has a lovely day off out with my kids and the dog in the sun then last night He’s come back crying, begging, remorseful can we make a go of it and he can’t live without me ,he’ll go to coucelling, won’t go,out boozing any more, I’m his world blah blah. I said he’s had six months to realise all,this and now it’s too late, I am struggling though, but I know this won’t last and he’ll soon get bored again. Letter hasn’t come yet 😟

OP posts:

AgathaF · 02/11/2017 09:56

Is he still there?

Dozer · 02/11/2017 09:58

There will have been other affairs you don’t know about. Arsehole.

Original poster

harriettep123 · 02/11/2017 09:58

Yes, back in spare room , waiting for the letter

OP posts:

JWrecks · 02/11/2017 10:14

He’s come back crying, begging, remorseful can we make a go of it and he can’t live without me ,he’ll go to coucelling, won’t go,out boozing any more, I’m his world blah blah.

Did you laugh right in his face? I hope you laughed right in his stupid, cheating face!!

Santawontbelong · 02/11/2017 10:17

Tell him quite firmly he has been replaced in your bed, on the sofa and in your affections by the ddog!!
And he can go to Hell (or a travel lodge).

troodiedoo · 02/11/2017 11:04

What a jerk a predicable one. Brace yourself for the anger when he realises you mean business.

Stay strong OP. Keep posting

hellsbellsmelons · 02/11/2017 11:27

OMG it really is all bout HIM!
What about how you feel?
Did he ask you that?
Does he even care how you are?
Nope - as long as you just turn a blind eye and forgive him again, then all will be great!
He is so deluded it's untrue.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/11/2017 12:05

Stay strong OP. I'm amazed you let the selfish, cheating little shit back in at all. Can you not say he needs to go?

BitOutOfPractice · 02/11/2017 12:26

hellsbells is right - that is all about HIM. How HE feels. Selfish pig

RosyWelshcakes · 02/11/2017 12:37

Can anyone find the 'script' and post it here pls.

Dowser · 02/11/2017 12:38

So sorry you are going through this.
I was your age, been married the same length of time and your husband sounds just like mine.

He even hung around like spa bad smell too.
I was in bits but you’ll gradually come to your senses.
My exh had a string of woman . Prostitutes included.

You’ll feel so much better when you’re through this.
I’m married to the loveliest man now.

serialcheat · 02/11/2017 12:50

Strange......

You wasn't his world while he was sticking his dick into that tart, in the Travelodge 😗

Hold on to that thought next time he bawls his eyes out while professing undying love to you.

Cut him dead by saying you've booked an appointment at the STD clinic and he should, too.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/11/2017 13:00

He’s come back crying, begging, remorseful can we make a go of it and he can’t live without me

Of course he has - after all he didn't think you meant it, and to find you being a bit stronger must have been a shock

Can I ask how he ended up back in the house though? Naturally it's not my decision to make, but I'd have thought the obvious response to his whining was to simply ask him to leave again ... after all, if six months wasn't enough time for him to change, he'll almost certainly see any concession as a victory, solicitor's letter or not

Mxyzptlk · 02/11/2017 13:26

What has he been doing/saying during his 6 months in the spare room, to prove to you that he's worth keeping?

What is he doing/saying now that shows he truly loves and values you?

Original poster

harriettep123 · 02/11/2017 17:09

Letter came today, he begged again I was wobbling but I’ve GOT to hold firm .he took advice himself today so I think he’s finally realised this IS happening. I’m feeling sad and vulnerable like I just want my husband back but I know a few months down the line nothing will,have changed and he’ll be bored of “being good” . I’ve read the script and my situation is to a T lol !

OP posts:

Mxyzptlk · 02/11/2017 17:21

Please put him out again, if you haven't already.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/11/2017 17:23

Keep going OP! You can do this.

hellsbellsmelons · 03/11/2017 11:01

Well done OP.
You are holding firm and that's hard.
But just keep going back to your OP and read what he's done over the years.
That will hold your resolve.
I hope you have a better day and a busy weekend planned?

JWrecks · 03/11/2017 18:53

Letter came today, he begged again I was wobbling but I’ve GOT to hold firm ... I know a few months down the line nothing will,have changed and he’ll be bored of “being good” . I’ve read the script and my situation is to a T lol !

Good on you!! I'm so very sorry, but you are right and you do know it. He's done it bloody twice now, so surely he thinks (or will soon enough) that he can just keep doing this to you. He's going through some sort of ageing crisis, or is just an immature, selfish twat, and he's letting himself take it out on YOU.

And IMO, just coming to that realisation is the hardest part. You're over the biggest hurdle now. It's a game of stamina from here, and it isn't fun, but I don't think it's quite as difficult after this.

I know it hurts like hell, and I know it's horrible. If only you could rewind several years to where it never happened. It's so fucking unfair. But you will pick up the pieces, and you will find your happiness. Sooner than you think, I imagine.

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