Husband cheated for second time

[harriettep123]

I’m 50 h 52 we’ve been married for 30years happily so I thought. 4 years ago he had a 3 year emotional affair with an ex school mate he reconnected with on Facebook, they later met for sex in a Travelodge. I wanted continue with the marriage and he swore it wouldn’t happen again. Guess what ? He went to a rugby game with some mates picked up a young girl in a bar and had sex in his hotel room, I found out because he was guarding his phone while we were on a mini break in Spain. When we got back I got on his phone and they’d stayed in contact sexting on WhatsApp and arranging to meet again. Obviously I went ballistic and asked him to leave , he won’t and six months later he’s still here in the spare bedroom, as he LOves ME , lol !
Also last week I got on his web history on the iPad, he’s been using porn sites, dating sites and looking at escort girls in our area and in his home town where his parent live. I’ve made an appointment with a solicitor on Monday, but pathetically I still love him. I’m in pieces on antidepressants please help me to be strong. I know what I’d say to someone in my position so why can’t I be more pro-active ?Anyone else experienced this ?

[harriettep123]

I’m getting the silent treatment now, like a small child , I’m awful for sneaking behind his back to the solicitor! i suppose my world was destroyed ages ago where as now he’s just realising the consequences of his little bubble being popped . I’m trying not to crumble , feeling vulnerable to him 😔😔

[springydaffs]

Hold firm darling against this nasty man. You can do it!

[troodiedoo]

How old is your daughter OP? If she's old enough to be on her own, think it's time you had a night out, even just round a friend's house.

These men are so pathetic the way they think they are being original spouting the same tired old script.

wishing you strength.

[QueenLetizia]

hold firm OP hardest time of my life was living under his roof when he knew it was over. The force of his black moods!!
If you can get through this you'll get through anything.

{strength}

[hellsbellsmelons]

Keep the silent treatment going.
You need to detach.
I sincerely hope you aren't cooking for him or doing his washing or cleaning!?
If you are, then stop that as of right now.
He can wash his own skiddy pants.
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
He's a vile human being.
Get some estate agents round to value the property.
You KNOW you deserve so much better than this lying, cheating piece of shit who has no respect for any woman on this planet, including you.
My blood is boiling for you.
Please tell people.
Tell them everything.
Make this very very real and do NOT keep his dirty secrets.
You owe him nothing.
If you've been having sex with him, please get to your local GUM or Shaw clinic for a check up.
Well done on filing for divorce.
Get this disgusting scumbag out of your life as quickly as possible.
and very UnMN (((((HUGS)))))

[QueenLetizia]

I agree with telling people where you're at.
To protect you from the millions of tiny collusions that would be made on autopilot to prevent people thinking badly of him. Those prevent people around you from knowing your truth. Those collusions cost you the support that will be available to you and those collusions to protect him would prevent you from having real conversations, real friendships, real connections with people who've been through it.

It is hard to swim to the other side of that river, so to speak, every atom in your core trained to protect him, to avoid putting the truth out there, but it will open up the landscape for your truth and whatever development, opportunity and growth available to you that is useful and nourishing to you in the future must come from YOUR truth. Not his.

[HouseholdWords]

Just keep thinking "Sex in a Travelodge. Sad loser." It really is love's young dream, isn't it? Not.

Good luck - he's not worth you, really he's not.

Sex in a Travelodge. That's his world. It's not yours.

[Leilaniii]

Stop being a mug. Throw him out. You can't possibly even start to build a new life for yourself with him there.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I suppose my world was destroyed ages ago where as now he’s just realising the consequences of his little bubble being popped

Once again you're quite right, but don't forget all that time he spent deceiving you when he no doubt felt himself to be quite clever in being "one step ahead" ... when it all gets a bit much, remember just what he's capable of and would still be capable of if he got the chance

Of course he's not going to be pleased now it's all come crashing down; it could also easily turn to anger, which is why I said to be watchful (and if he was drunk last night I hope it affected only him?)

And no, you can't yet force him to leave since the house is in joint names, but is he actually still refusing to go?

[harriettep123]

Got home from work and he’s gone, taken a bag and a few clothes, don’t know where to !

[Booagain]

You poor thing :(
Good riddance to the man - good for you finding your strength. What a total lack of respect in saying and doing those things to you.
You can start your life again, happy. Good luck x

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Got home from work and he’s gone ...

I won't say it's a relief because I know you won't immediately feel like that, but at least it should make your way forward easier. He's no doubt hoping you'll grovel for him to come back, so if you're not planning to do that how will he receive the divorce papers now if you don't know what address he's gone to?

[harriettep123]

He’s still,got a key or I can drop it to his work . Just shows what a coward he is , he couldn’t even bother to tell me he was going or discuss anything !

[RosyWelshcakes]

I'm so sorry, harriettep123; I was 32 years in when I found the cheating had continued, and believe me I understand this isn't easy

36 years for me and 4 years later Im on my own and doing really well.

My children have been fantastic and its obvious this was as good for them as it was for me.

Op, you can do it.

[RosyWelshcakes]

Got home from work and he’s gone, taken a bag and a few clothes, don’t know where to

Thats all part of him playing with your head and your heart. Dont let it work.

Pour yourself a drink, put your feet up and watch GBBO. Tonight is the first night of the rest of your life. There will be time for tears another day.

[harriettep123]

Thanks ladies, feel odd as I’ve put him first for all those years. It will be strange to actually do what I WANT for a change. Yes my kids 26 and 20have been amazing and my friends and family (even his) so supportive , everyone is so glad I can’t beleive it everyone saw through him but me 😠

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Excellent advice from Rosy there

[Mustang27]

Wow well he is the whole package eh??? What a shitbag. I’m so sorry he has done that to you op. You deserve better after 30 years.

[Ellie56]

He's probably gone to a Travelodge.

You are well rid of that loser OP. Have another . In fact have a few

[harriettep123]

Hahaha, yes he does love a Travelodge,! I m snuggled up,with my little dog, feet up , Large G& T in hand , my daughter will be home soon we’ll have a nice dinner then tomorrow I’ve got the day off , so a nice lunch then Pilates with my friend in the evening. Who knew life could be so peaceful ?

[FantasticButtocks]

🍷result!

[QueenLetizia]

[JWrecks]

LTFB.

[Leilaniii]

He's probably gone to a Travelodge.

OP, you come across as though you've really got your shit together. Well done for filing for divorce, you don't need him.