what should i do? DH not home, kids, work

[onematch]

DH went to a big fancy work's dinner/dance last night. It was "officially" work with clients but was also a piss up. His specific company had 8 people going from his site.

Haven't heard from him since 2pm yest, fine. No concern there.

BUT it's now 2.30am and he's still not home and i need to leave for work at 6am! He's supposed to be looking after our kids today and they'll get up about 7am!

I haven't tried to call him because i figure he's gonna be smashed anyway.

I'm already on thin ice with my attendance due to being off earlier in the year for depression and anxiety.

What should i do??

Not working at the moment but have worked in Finance (in the City), IT, Oil & Gas, NHS, Construction..... pretty much every industry there is to work in lol. The OP's husband didn't have work the following day. Granted he had children to look after but we all know that idea went out the window at about 10pm. I probably know so much because I always stayed until the bitter bitter end (like a big feicin eejit) so have seen it all.

"Today 21:26 AdalindSchade

if you think 'not getting so drunk you force your partner to call in sick when you were supposed to be caring for your children' is some idealised wonderland of relationships then you are a very sad individual."

I don't understand what you're referring to here. Could you point out where someone suggested it was an idealised wonderland of a relationship? Or even a good one?

jeaux - any of the married men who lived outside London (usually the married ones, most of the younger ones without family lived within London) always booked hotels for nights they'd have to be out late. This OP's husband didn't have the wit to think this through. He needs to do so for future occurrences.

He's been irresponsible and selfish no doubt but some ppl are ridiculous AA for getting shitfaced 4 times in 3 years! WTF! Better send me the brochure! As for ltb constantly- how is anyone on here still married?

I'm so sorry OP. Your OH sounds like my ex's twin. He's manipulating you to try and make you think it's your fault. You say you suffer with anxiety. I had crippling anxiety for years and one day I realised what was causing it. Him.

He's being irresponsible and needs to know you won't put up with his selfish behaviour. However much you love him do you really want to spend the next ten years (let alone the rest of your life) with such a waster?

Hiddley you are I are so on the same page on this. (I'm a bitter end eejit too )

Lucky the OPs job isn’t so important that he needs to take it into consideration. Who thinks it’s ok to get so shitfaced during the working week that it impacts on your partners paid work?

Or being still so pissed and in charge of a 20 month old baby? That’s ok, yes? Driving both the children to nursery still pissed from the night before?

Telling the OP that she is ridiculous for being upset is acceptable is it? Turning it around on her telling her she’s the one with the problem? She’s embarrassing him by wanting some space, he’s minimising.

Falling asleep in the car. Disappearing for hours because he’s in the dog house.

He might only do this once a year, but he does it, and he does all that other shit around it.

Rings alarm bells for me (having been in an emotionally abusive relationship with someone with BPD).

Foxy yeah he fucked up with the childcare but for people to be doing the whole LTB and he's abusive etc is all a bit of an over reaction.

Nope, not acceptable. Not when there’s work, babies involved. Weekend, sure, knock yourself out. But you just don’t force your partner to take a day off to look after your kids because you’re incapable out of choice. There’s no excuses. Its shit, it’s disrespectful and it’s pathetic.

I do appreciate everyone's opinions here, many of them them I'm sure are from personal experience, however I do not appreciate a character assassination of my husband.

We have started chatting. It began all very well until i realised he was just saying what he thought i wanted to hear. This was clear by the padding out he did which were actually excuses surrounding the apologies. He is in denial.
After some heated debate we got down to the real issues in terms of the way he's been feeling lately, how that manifests and what he's going to do about it. No real progress made but the lines of communication have hopefully been opened.

I have to go to bed now since I'm bloody working tomorrow

Bottom line is that he's unreliable. Yes, many of us have gotten carried away, ended up staying out much later and gotten so drunk that they couldn't function the next day. However, not when we know we have to look after young children the next day.

And this man has done it every single time.

And now he's trying to turn it into her fault.

Today 21:22 hiddley

Possibly because we know the way the world works. Reality vs the ideal. Adalind

Oh, OP, what a nightmare.
It's all very well saying LTB but this is your life and your marriage and if you want to give it another chance that's something only you can decide.
Your DH does need to get some help and will need to fully recognise how his actions have impacted you and your family and agree to make serious changes. He's bloody lucky to have you. Make sure he knows this and make sure he knows he has one chance to save his marriage.

Always loved a party jeaux! Albeit in my single days. Single again now. You'd never know, I could go mental some night yet lol.

Well at least you're getting down to the core of discussing the issues (and it seems there are wider issues?). He was an utter shit to jeopardise your job, and sorry you've work tomorrow. This is all workable though I think. All marriages go through ups and downs. Have never heard a married couple declare otherwise. Hopefully you can resolve your issues.

I'm glad you're talking.
I've worked in a couple of industries where clients events / massive laid on piss ups are the norm. When everyone is overseas then there were some pretty raucous nights but on the proviso that everyone was responsible enough to be at work the next morning. Getting so fucked you had to call in sick was the worst possible offence.

When at home, those without families would do as they would overseas. Those with families would do as much or little as they could handle and I never ever saw one person - not one - mocked or criticised for not being fall-down drunk.

There isn't a job on earth that demands you get paralytic on the job. Jobs where you have to stay out really late entertaining people? Sure. But it being essential to be utterly hammered? Nope.

He's a grown adult with a family and responsibilities. He is not a teenager. A grown adult without a drinking problem understands their limits and sticks to them. There is no fucking excuse. I wonder what kind of abuse a woman would get if she stayed out until just before she was meant to be looking after her children, slept off being off her tits in front of them and acted like her husband was being unreasonable when he complained.

I'm completely in shock at some of the comments here. I haven't heard this kind of nonsense since I was a student. He's got responsibilities FFS. Young kids that he had to care for but couldn't moderate his behaviour enough to do so. Doesn't matter if it's the first time or the tenth - maybe he had to stay out but he didn't have to get shitfaced, it's the actions of a teenager, not a father.