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Original poster

what should i do? DH not home, kids, work

167 replies

onematch · 27/10/2017 02:36

DH went to a big fancy work's dinner/dance last night. It was "officially" work with clients but was also a piss up. His specific company had 8 people going from his site.

Haven't heard from him since 2pm yest, fine. No concern there.

BUT it's now 2.30am and he's still not home and i need to leave for work at 6am! He's supposed to be looking after our kids today and they'll get up about 7am!

I haven't tried to call him because i figure he's gonna be smashed anyway.

I'm already on thin ice with my attendance due to being off earlier in the year for depression and anxiety.

What should i do??

OP posts:
DecisionTree · 27/10/2017 10:29

I'll need to leave at 11 latest which is only an hour and a half away. Oldest has nursery at 12.30which he would prob drive to

^^^
You ARE kidding, I hope!
There is NO WAY he will be fit to drive after a bender like that - he would in fact be drunk driving ....

BewareOfDragons · 27/10/2017 10:33

I hope you've taken some pictures of him in his disgraceful state.

He may well have cost you your job. He has forced you, at the very least, to miss going to work. And he knew you had work. AGain.

He has scared your children by not waking up.

He would have endangered your children's lives by getting in the car. You know he would have.

He would have jeopardized his own job by taking the chance getting caught driving drunk; they would have taken his driving license.

Social services would have had something to say if he'd been caught driving drunk with your children in the car.

I'd have a packed bag waiting for him when he regains consciousness. Tell him he's out. He MUST go to alcoholics anonymous for binge drinking. And you will discuss your future together when you've had time to think and see if he's taking this seriously or not.

Sorry, OP. It sounds horrible.

Original poster
onematch · 27/10/2017 10:40

I appreciate what you're all saying but I feel a hypocrite. Ive been telling him for ages i think Im drinking too much (have previously told him he drinks too much but then he turns it round on me and the amount i drink which he'd say today). I dont drink the night before work or have ever been in the states he's been in with the kids and nothing that's meant him missing work or anything but i certainly drink too much at weekends.

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 27/10/2017 10:44

Is he still asleep, t h I’d be leaving him for this - he’s got form as he’s done it.before. Why does his piss up top trump you going to work,

ButtonMoonLoon · 27/10/2017 10:44

How much do you drink, and how often?

LazyDailyMailJournos · 27/10/2017 10:45

Yes but do you drink so much that it means that you can't take care of your kids? That you can't get to work?

OnionShite · 27/10/2017 10:48

Why are you a hypocrite? You aren't telling him to be teetotal. You're telling him to do as you do, and time his consumption so you're not still pissed/too hungover to function when you have sole care of the children. That's the opposite of hypocrisy. You're literally modelling the behaviour you're asking him to exhibit!

By all means have a look at your own consumption too and cut down. Not going to do your health or waistline any harm, is it? If you're worried about it, odds are you need to drink less. But that's a separate issue.

keeponworking · 27/10/2017 10:50

It's not that the drinking too much at weekends might be more than you really should be drinking, but if it doesn't affect you being able to drive or look after your kids or get to work the next day or produce meals for your children then it's desirable to fix it, but not essential. It shows that you have self awareness to examine your own drinking habits, but he has none with his own, doesn't see it as a problem - but HIS habits are the ones that are putting your very JOB at risk! I think we know who needs fixing' first and it's not you. I have no doubt you could quite easily reduce your drinking, he on the other hand needs a massive wake-up call because he hasn't got a smidgen of the insight that you've got OP.

Original poster
onematch · 27/10/2017 10:55

He's still asleep. He got up to go to the toilet and went back on the couch in the lounge where we all are Angry

OP posts:
DancesWithOtters · 27/10/2017 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

keeponworking · 27/10/2017 11:04

How awful to be sleeping it off in the living room in front of his young children?! I'm flabbergasted.

keeponworking · 27/10/2017 11:05

Honestly, for once I actually think that not only the packed bag, but a printout of this thread would do him the power of good so he can (possibly, finally) understand how totally utterly unacceptable and extreme and risky and harmful his behaviour is.

KinkyAfro · 27/10/2017 11:11

What an arsehole, take the kids out, don't subject them to this

Original poster
onematch · 27/10/2017 11:12

I'm not even angry. Thinking back it's happened 4 times previously over the past 3 years i think. The previous times i was spitting feathers. This time I'm just numb.

OP posts:
LittleWitch · 27/10/2017 11:12

DH used to get totally shit faced occasionally when we went out with one particular couple - I have no idea why, because he's not a big drinker, but it was always with them. In the end I got so fed up with it I made him sleep in the car one night. He never did it again.

OP, I think you need to make a grand gesture because otherwise his behaviour is going to cost you your job. It doesn't matter that it's infrequent, the impact is potentially huge - and in fact catastrophic if he would in fact drive while still over the limit.

dementedpixie · 27/10/2017 11:17

I think you should get the Hoover out!. Don't let him have peace

Original poster
onematch · 27/10/2017 11:20

I don't want to talk to him so i prefer that he's comatose tbh. I'll maybe wake him before i take our oldest to nursery.

OP posts:
Mustang27 · 27/10/2017 11:37

By wake him you mean stab him?!? I feel for you. If your drinking feels like a problem to you please seek help don’t minimise it as it will get worse. Alcoholism is a slippery slope that is so easy to end up on because of how we view drink in the uk.

Do not let him throw that in your face though this is irresponsible and selfish and regardless of wether this a once a year thing or weekly it just shows how little he regards your career and you tbh.

IslandNiles · 27/10/2017 11:49

Fuck him off OP.

I'm so sick to death of men and their fucking selfish ways. I thought my DH was perfect till we had DD2 and now I'm seeing a whole different side of him. Men can just fuck the fuck off as far as I'm concerned.

StillRunningWithScissors · 27/10/2017 13:31

Why don't you skip nursery for today, and take your children out to the activities you had planned for tomorrow if possible?

Then at least you three have a nice day out, and don't have to look at him on the sofa.

Don't leave a note or anything. Don't answer calls from him. Stay out for dinner, come home in time for kids bedtime.

Let him wonder and worry.

Original poster
onematch · 27/10/2017 13:37

Too late for that.

I asked him to stay elsewhere tonight and he was not happy, called me ridiculous and said it's not as if he's not covered for me before (i dont know what he's referring to) then he stormed off. Said he knew I'd be like this when he woke up earlier and I'm okay with him having a good night as long as it's on my terms (yea because this happens otherwise). I said I needed him tomorrow morning so i can go to work to look after the boys. He said he'll see because it's okay when I need him Angry He said he'll phone me later when he's calmed down Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
onematch · 27/10/2017 13:38

Was going to text him but whats the point. He's angry just now. I just hope he calms down enough to see where I'm coming from eventually.

OP posts:
Ploppie4 · 27/10/2017 13:38

I’d leave him. It’s beyond selfish.

LIZS · 27/10/2017 13:46

Do you or he have family you could call on. It is unacceptable that you cannot work due to his hangover. What excuse did you give?

Ploppie4 · 27/10/2017 13:46

He shows very little respect for your career and your needs.