Just that really. I've been with my DP for over four years. It hasn't been the fairytale romance you dream about but we've both been faithful.
He has never told me he loves me in the time we've been together but has always jokingly avoided the question. I outright asked him if he loved me last night. His response: I'm not sure. Love is a very strong word and I use it sparingly. 
I feel like I deserve a partner who loves me wholeheartedly and thinks I'm the best thing ever. When I told him I thought I deserved more in a relationship he told me to ask him again in a few weeks (WTF).
I have told him that I won't be asking him again in a few weeks and I'm not going to pressure him to feel something for me just because I want him to.
The thing is, now I know he doesn't love me where do I go? We have no DC together and aren't financially enmeshed. The weird thing is, I can't imagine sleeping with him again knowing he feels how he feels.
Has anyone been in this situation and what did you do? Any other advice is also welcome.
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Relationships
He doesn't know if he loves me
TerribleTime · 22/10/2017 07:50
No. If he were terrified of losing you, if he really really valued you and felt luck to have you, he would commit.
I allowed myself to be fooled once. Eroded my boundary for a commitment phobe who said lovely, supportive things to me. He was perfect on a week to week basis. Then I discovered his reddit user name and saw something he had written and my cognitive dissonances crumbled. It is telling that it took that sneakiness on my part to read his truth. To see the real him. Arguing aggressively with strangers, describing another woman after me as a partner. I knew then I'd been had. Completely and utterly had. Used not for sex but used as a girlfriend.
He has no scruples. I am so over that now. I kind of slightly pity him that for all of his self awareness and wisdom and philosophies, that is what he presents to the world. A man who will use people he is fairly fond of who have never harmed him just to meet his own needs. I got turned off. After yrs of idealising him i realised i had integrity and scruples. My words and my behaviour arent incongruent. For years i wondered why i wasnt enough and now i know he's so flawed. He's the one who is not enough.
You will feel like this soon OP.
Go nc and dont be his 'friend'
to you OP. It could well be stress - when I am off the pill and regular as anything, severe emotions can really muck up my cycle.
Can you get a supportive friend to come with you to buy a pregnancy test? The earlier you do it, the more options you will have (I know you already know that, but sometimes it helps to have someone else saying it).
As for him - every individual has the right to end a relationship that isn't making them happy. He is not entitled to be in a relationship with you. The sheer fact that he has so little regard for your wishes is an extremely bad sign.
And if you are pregnant - have the baby or do not have the baby - but I would just say that don't think that he will change the better for fatherhood (they never do, just have a look at the MN boards) and get back together with him.
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