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No longer attracted to my husband after he lost all his money

291 replies

upsetmner · 17/10/2017 20:01

I’ve name changed for this but am a regular MNer. I’m prepared to get flamed for this and don’t really know what I’m asking for, maybe if anyone has been in a similar situation?

I’ve always been attracted to wealthy older men. I didn’t grow up with a dad and my mother is a complete narcissist who doesn’t know how to love or show affection. My counsellor says I’m a classic “dependant” type, I seek out a father figures and someone who can take care of me.

I’ll cut a long story short. My husband is 16 years older than me. When we first met it was happy days, lots of money, he was wealthy and owned his own company/powerful and he let me quit my job and be a lady of leisure. In my eyes he was the sexiest man on earth and I was the luckiest woman to have him!

Then after about a year things turned sour in his business and for the last 2.5 years he has been throwing good money after bad and invested in other failed business ventures along the way.

We’ve lost millions!

To get by we have sold our house, our cars, our artwork, just to keep us afloat. I stuck by him, I didn’t want to be that girl who leaves when things get tough because I do love him and for a long time I believed he was making the right decisions for his business. Plus he told me not to worry and things are JUST ABOUT to pay off. None of it has paid off. Nothing has “come good”. It’s just gone from bad to worse.

Now we are claiming housing benefit for our rented house that we are in massive arrears for, council tax reduction, and JSA. We’re now also on the waiting list for a council house as once our landlord decides to evict us for unpaid arrears we will literally be homeless as can not afford a new place to rent. I can’t work as I’m 33 weeks pregnant. It’s the end of the road and he has to get a job.

I’m just so un-attracted to him. He’s the opposite of what I wanted, or what I thought I had. I never thought I’d be on benefits thinking about how I’m going to afford a buggy or all the other things my baby will need.

I’m also bitter and angry that his ex wife got a gigantic payoff in their divorce 10 years ago when he was still minted. I’m jealous of her. My husband has still been paying her an eye watering sum of maintenance and child support for his child with her up until recently when we really could no longer afford to and ran out of options and things in our house to sell.

Someone please talk some sense in to me!

OP posts:
GlitterGlue · 17/10/2017 20:39

Oh dear, OP. My good friend is in a similar situation. Just last week they had to let the under butler go. Awful.

TheEmmaDilemma · 17/10/2017 20:39

One does have to question why you got pregnant feeling this way and knowning what would be ahead of you?

Taylor22 · 17/10/2017 20:39

🎶She take my money when I'm in need
Yeah she's a trifling friend indeed🎶

RedForFilth · 17/10/2017 20:42

He needs to get a job. You need to get one as soon as possible after the birth. Look at your childcare options.
Fwiw I think it's awful to bring a baby into a marriage like this.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 17/10/2017 20:42

There's nothing worse than having to let your under butler go, how does one manage supper?

Nazdarovye · 17/10/2017 20:43

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MammaTJ · 17/10/2017 20:43

We’re now also on the waiting list for a council house as once our landlord decides to evict us for unpaid arrears we will literally be homeless as can not afford a new place to rent.

Do let us know how you get on with that. Councils do not house people they deem intentionally homeless. They see not paying your rent and being evicted because of that as making yourselves intentionally homeless.

LineysRun · 17/10/2017 20:44

I'm glad you're aware it will be emergency accommodation, OP. It may also be far away. What's your time scale?

Normalserviceissuspended · 17/10/2017 20:45

If its a 1st child on benefits you can claim for a £500 maternity grant- I think- its a while since anyone i know has claimed one.

Bombardier25966 · 17/10/2017 20:46

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Funclesmuck · 17/10/2017 20:46

IF this is true, are you sure OP that you have sold everything you can? Do you have some jewelry you could pawn? I’m only asking because if your husband has once had millions you probably do. Or thinking about it what about setting up an online business hiring out jewels/dresses/artwork? Think outside the box. It’s now your turn to take the reigns and make some money for your family.

BarbaraOcumbungles · 17/10/2017 20:46

I can't imagine not having a butler.

How utterly humiliating.

emwithme · 17/10/2017 20:46

Yeah, I'm only here for the deletion message.

(And you won't get social housing if you're deemed intentionally homeless, which you will be if you're evicted for rent arrears)

notangelinajolie · 17/10/2017 20:47

Biscuit Hmm

Dahlietta · 17/10/2017 20:48

It's strange that someone who made millions would make a multitude of bad decisions.

I know someone this happened to actually! Left his wife and two children for a younger model and took his eye off the ball because he was too busy rediscovering the delights of shagging a young woman. He lost millions and she (the younger model) was also very angry with him as she'd been trying to wreck the marriage of an older very rich man, not one who had to sell his house and business. They weren't destitute though.

AccrualIntentions · 17/10/2017 20:49

Don't understand why you would a) have got pregnant in this situation and b) not have got a job when it all started to go to shit.

Areyoulocal · 17/10/2017 20:49

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RebelRogue · 17/10/2017 20:50

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upsetmner · 17/10/2017 20:51

People think my post is fake and I’m carrying a fake baby??? Would you like me to post a recent scan picture? I posted in Relationships, not AIBU.

Very happy for MN to contact me.

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 17/10/2017 20:51

Ok if this is real is this your first baby? They might still do the one off payment for baby essentials make sure your claiming everything even healthy start vouchers

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 17/10/2017 20:52

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abbsisspartacus · 17/10/2017 20:53

Form sf100

Escapepeas · 17/10/2017 20:55

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upsetmner · 17/10/2017 20:56

Yes first baby.

The guy at the housing authority told us we would be eligible for emergency accommodation upon receiving an eviction notice. Someone at Shelter, the housing charity, also said we would be in emergency accommodation provided by the council if we were to be evicted.

OP posts:
madcatwoman61 · 17/10/2017 20:56

You are In debt, behind with the rent and about to be made homeless - why on earth did you think that this would be a good time to get pregnant?