I hope everyone is ok today too. I didn't sleep much last night and I kept going over and over in my head what had gone wrong and also whether he was actually right for me anyway.
One of the thoughts I got stuck on was why I never wanted to meet his DC. It was never really suggested and I was pleased about that because I genuinely did not want to. I was mulling it over and over and actually the reasons are numerous and are to do with HIM not them! He has 2 DC who I am sure are actually very sweet. I work with children so even though I don't have my own, I spend lots of time with them, sometimes in very difficult circumstances.
The reason I didn't want to meet them is because the more he told me about his parenting, the more I realised I did not agree with it (I know, I know, I am not a parent). BUT he has them half the week. Starting sunday they chill out playing computer games or he takes them to the pub (he is always hungover when they arrive). Monday and Tuesday his mother turns up to help get them up, dressed, fed etc. Those afternoons he plays computer games with them. If they go out anywhere his mother takes them as he does not drive. He relies on his mother for cooking for them and she even supplies the food sometimes. She babysits sometimes on his days whilst he goes to the pub! When he used to ring/message me on a night he was always being interrupted by one of them getting up (over and over again), they would always both end up in bed with him (this used to go on until well past 11pm). They have no bedtime routines (this is when his mother is not there).
My conclusions, laying awake last night were that I did not want to meet his DC because I did not want to see him around them. I have no doubt whatsoever that he is a loving and devoted dad but he is not a grown up. He is lazy. He seems to see them as his little mates rather than as children than need parenting. I think it would have driven me mad. So that is one thought put to bed, literally. I have children in my family and they are not routinely taken to the pub whilst their dad drinks pints, they go to bed fairly well most of the time, they are parented by their parents and not their grandparents.
I think what I am trying to say is that ex is a bit of a man-child himself and the more I mull it over the more I am convinced that he is a functioning alcoholic actually. Never ever a day goes by when he does not drink. Not always to excess but still, every day!! On holiday he would start at 3-4pm every day until we went to bed. It made me feel ill most of the time.
That was my thought of last night anyway! And I'm on day 15 now :-)