30 days no contact - Thread no 2

[Mumanddadtoone]

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

Meow you’re dead right! Totally! I’m day 33 here and a man I like (a bit) asked for my number tonight and I gave it to him. I like him. Sod it!!!! He’s not typically ‘my type’ but he seems kind and respectful. I value that now much much more than a ‘gorgeous’ wanker x

Morning everyone. Had a phone call match last night with the ex. I officially ended things much to his surprise. I have messaged him this morning as I have to collect some of my belongings and will probably see him tonight. Am so pissed off with myself. I was doing so well now not even back to day 1 when will this end?

Dolly- just collect your things tonight and start your day 1 tomorrow. I think it’s so good you have finally ended things yourself- you have taken back some of the power and that’s a great thing.

I’m on day 7, apart from having to see him yesterday to collect dd. Just kept it very businesslike which I guess is how it will be for the foreseeable.

Managed to get through the anniversary- I reckon if I got through that ok I’ll get through anything! Still hurts like buggery though. But I feel like I’m making a minuscule amount of progress.

Keep strong, ladies

Dolly this is a MASSIVE step for you. Forget the NC for a minute, it's not all about that, it's about taking steps forward. The fact you are back in control and have decided to end things is a massive thing. Honestly, google narcissism and read the traits that go with it as your ex must be one. He doesn't consider your feelings at all - cheats on you and then makes you wait for him to decide if he wants to be with you. Who does that? Not someone who deeply loves and cares for someone. Just remember you are doing SO well, and please try and keep tonight brief and collect your things and go. The longer you stay the easier he will try and persuade you. There may be tears, there may be him saying he's going to kill himself - but they're all tactics to get you to lose control again so he can control you. Don't fall for them.

Liza and Ami I'm so proud of both of you. Honestly, you're doing so well. Liza sounds like you have a great support network around you and Ami can you pleeeeease keep us updated with this guy...sounds exciting. :)

I got messages last night from my person asking when I was next in work. I've put off going in until Friday as don't want to see him all week. He made out like he was annoyed about that, but honestly for the first time I don't care to see him. I'm not thinking about him as much. I'm starting to see the light and that I deserve better. I'm starting to realise he is a narcissist, who could never consider my feelings or care about me. He thinks he's so important, and criticises everyone around him, i'm certain he talks bad about me when I'm not there. So I've removed my friend request to him on social media that he's been ignoring (finally haha) and I'm realising I'm soooo much better off without him. Hopefully I can keep feeling this way

Dolly i agree with others. Don't worry about the break in NC as getting your things is a really positive move to end this for good.

Meow glad you are realising you are better off. My friend akways says that. We pine and cry then finally see the light then they make contact.

Mine had been off all social media for the last couple of weeks. I know it sounds crazy but it made me feel better that it wasn't just me he was ignoring. I just embarrassinglydid a bit of stalking and realised he has been back on yesterday. I know it is crazy but this has really thrown me as he is now in some form of communication with the world but still hasn't contacted me. It has really upset me. I am starting to wonder if i will ever get closure. Why did he disappear even from work and not even text me. I may never ever know.

whattyechickens welcome! You sound way better than he is!

I’m on a renewed day 4.

He’s said he’s sorry and that he was never able to commit to me from the beginning- not like I was.

Try telling that to our son that we both agreed to bring into this world!

anxious I think you have to just accept you won't know. Sometimes people just can't cope with everything and need time to cool off, maybe that's the case. But it seems he has gone to the extreme for this. Unfortunately he clearly wasn't the person you thought he was to do this, he's a coward and goodness knows if he's hiding something or just a moron. But I guess over time he will start posting again and will realise he can't just shut down his whole life. I'm surprised he hasn't blocked you on social media if he just disappeared entirely.

dinner he sounds like he very much does mind that you are over. He wouldn’t be so hurt and angry. I’d ignore the meanness, he’s just baiting you.

Is it true Day 10 is a key milestone?

I do think about him but then I realise he isn't thinking about me. So I'm let forget it.

Have your OW!

I am so proud of everyone and how well everyone is doing. Thank you LizaJane85, anxiousnow and mewoimacat for your advice and support.

I do feel like I have the power now but messaged him asking when I should come and collect my things today and he has just called me screaming down the phone saying that I am taking advantage of him and that we broke up last night. I am not even going to bother collecting my things. It's only a few pieces of clothing and some earrings that I am not fussed about not having.

So ready to wake up and not have any feelings for him what so ever

@dinner not quite there yet.

But it's my first goal. I will get there.

I've had to see him with DD during that time. Ignore the urge to text and ignore his BS message.

The key thing for me is to make sure any contact is necessary (e.g DD).

Then I wont feel bad about it.

Wish he wasn't going to be in my life at all....

Grey rock technique it is.

He will on expand past that when he needs something.

Geri T- it’s the one thing I find difficult- having to have contact with him because of dd. At the moment his mum and I, (who are still on really good terms as we all lived together before I chose to move out) text regularly about dd and she passed on any messages to stbxh. That way the only time I have to see it speak to him is briefly twice a week at drop offs. It does makes things easier I have to say. I know it can’t be that way forever but for the time being until we are both over it a bit I think it’s the best way.

He still crosses my mind several times a day and I wonder what he’s up to. Really hoping this fades in time. But I’m Day 7 and really proud of myself

Day 7 Liza! That’s amazing, well done

Evening everyone. Well done for getting so far and if you've broke the NC then no worries just accept it, recognise it and go again...we all have lapses. Mine messaged me last night basically saying he really loved how I looked for Halloween & he used that stupid heart eyes emoji, I just said thanks and that was it, he then asked if I had a good night to which I replied "I had the best time" lol, he then messaged ti say he had a good night to....well bloody good for you!

Sooo him saying how good I looked nearly reeled me in a bit because I'm like omg you're still thinking of me and into me. But I really deserve better so what I'm doing now is just concentrating on me and my life moving forward. So I now listen to this video at night which I've included and I start doing positive affirmations in the morning just to set my day up to be a good day. Today it has worked. Instead of writing a list of things I don't like about him, I'm writing a list of things I'm grateful for and things to work for in life as I'd rather just move forward positively and not even have to think of him. I mean I'm no way saying don't make a list of his bad points because I do believe that can help and make you not go back to that crap situation. I'm saying for me personally I'm finding this helps me more.

Anyway here's the video if anyone wants a good sleep tonight :)

I am in. Intense online friendship that gives wonderful highs then tedious pathetic lows. Have deleted no, will now just delete messages and regain my normal good mental health! I don't need friends who stress me.

Just checking in from my trip (I’m a long way from home). Day 22 for me.
I’m back in uk on Friday but now in work mode so more to do.
I have been thinking of him and still would like to vent at him. Also feel sad because of his shitty behaviour and condition there is no going back ever.

My pride and dignity will not let me contact him. And it would achieve nothing.

However I fear it may take a long time to fully recover as he was part of my life for a very long time and I truly believed he had my back and that our love and connection would endure.

Sadly not.

I like the idea of focusing on the positive from now on - I have had post- it’s written for quite a while that do that - sort of guidelines for living.

Keep going everyone and if you have a lapse just start again as was mentioned previously

Had an ok afternoon. Even went longer than half an hour without thinking about him. Which is amazing for me just lately.

Still tough. Everything I do is underlined with this feeling that something isn’t right. I guess it’s just a case of getting used to your new version of normal

I had a chat with my friends the other night about ‘new normal’. It actually doesn’t take that long to adjust. I used to see my ex every Friday religiously and in the first maybe 3 weeks Fridays were just bloody awful. I’d say the last 2 fridays as I’ve left work I’ve not given it much of a thought. I’ve come home, chilled out and met friends later on and I’ve enjoyed it. It’s my new normal. I think after about 3 weeks things really do start getting easier and after that the small improvements get bigger quicker (if that makes sense). I think anyone who has failed at the NC so far have no need to beat themselves up. Just try again tomorrow. It will be worth it in the end. It really will. I love that I have my life back. The ‘new’ man has texted me already. I don’t know if anything will come of it but it’s still nice. Stay strong everybody

Groan finding the second round of NC just as difficult as the last!

Worse when in with the kids. And he’s out... staying at his brothers so could be doing anything. Uses WhatsApp at midnight! (I know... )

Day 4 just hurry up!

Funny how you start thinking about the whole relationship though. Anyone else have this?

Sometimes feel really angry when I reflect on how second best I was treated. Sometimes really sad when I think of how much if a waste it all is, all the investment.

Just checking in.
I've just bought a packet of cigarettes after abstaining for 2 days. What an idiot.

So only another 14 days for me, Ami!

Know how you feel Autumn. I think I’ve dissected every last piece of my relationship. I’m actually a bit bored of it all now!