30 days no contact - Thread no 2

[Mumanddadtoone]

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

LizaJane85 a good one to listen to at night is

you wake up a bit better and there's been good reviews on it

Beginning to go downhill I want to message him and just for him to be straight about his feelings and what’s happening. Don’t want to be waiting around for him

Dolly noooooo!!!! He’ll tell you a right load of waffle and set you right back. Why do you want to speak to him. He’s a turd. Stay strong, you’re doing so well and this feeling will pass

I’m going to focus on getting to a week. I feel like after that I have every right to ask him what’s going on seeing as I’ve given him his “space” that he’s asked for

Get to a week. That will be brilliant. I don’t think you should contact him then though. Leave him to it. You deserve far better

dolly aren't you out tonight? go meet a friend, get ready and maybe DON'T drink. Big hugs, it is so hard. Get on youtube and watch those videos I put here, or just go on and watch videos about no contact. read the list of shitty qualities he had. think of every negative thing he has done, and how he isn't rushing to get you back - so WHY would you rush to have him back. You deserve better and deep down you know it.

Liza and Ami - congrats on getting back out there and speaking to other people, if anything it shows you that there are other people out there...in fact there are SO many guys out there if you just get out and meet them.

I'm just getting ready to go out tonight in London...fancy dress. Only going with one friend and she's being sober so I said I would too...which I'm kinda regretting, BUT it will be good for me not messaging a certain someone as I know I will if drunk.

Saw him today, and he'd made me some food for me to take home. He never does anything like that for me and had promised it but he never comes through with anything so I was a bit surprised he had. BUT again not going to think anything more of it, he doesn't care for me so whatever. I'm gonna go out and dance the night away and be happy with my friend.

I have a definite removal date of Friday! It will be so much easier once I am out of the house. His mother has been sending me texts asking me to try again and saying how much she loves me and how good I am for him. In other words he is a dysfunctional arse and I was the oil that was improving his life and his relationship with his family.
Dolly A week sounds good. I am going to celebrate a week when I get there eventually!
Meow enjoy the fancy dress. I love London!
Ami and Liza well done for getting out there.
I'm in a different position so it will be a long time I think. Not even sure I want to date anyone every again. Too old, too tired, too traumatised and will be living with my best (male) friend.

Why are men such head fucks?!

So this male friend I’ve been speaking to just messaged me and said ‘ I’ve been on a bender this weekend, of he alcohol and drug variety. You might not hear from me for a while.’

I think I’m best on my own, just me and dd! I do attract some stinkers.

Feels so pathetic though as I can't seem to stop myself. Going to have a google into ways to stop being this way.
Don't feel pathetic, even though those of us who have this pattern often do! Early childhood events effect the way the brain processes material. It's very basic and biological. It takes a huge level of awareness and energy and discipline to act against those instincts.
I really recommend the kindle book Your Brain on Love, Sex and the Narcissist: The Biochemical Bonds that Keep Us Addicted to Our Abuser. The other excellent book is Why Love Matters by Susan Gerhardt. They both explain the biology of what we are going through and how we can change. Really, really good.

Just checking in from my overseas trip - it’s Day 20 for me.

Been away since Thursday and it’s given me some perspective and distraction. Have managed not to look on his or her fb which is a baby step.

But can’t help thinking if he had chosen to clean up (he’s an alcoholic) we could have been here together.

Hope everyone is doing ok will read thru when I get some time:

The feeling that I just want a cuddle from him has suddenly overwhelmed me. I have a cold, I move next Friday and its my Dad's funeral on Monday. Now crying.

Hey everyone! Managed to get through the day without contacting. Hope everyone’s keeping strong xx

Iris I'm so sorry to hear about your dad :( sounds like you've got a lot of emotional draining events but what you don't want to train your brain to start doing is that whenever there is something unpleasant....a hug from him would make it alright because then that's like you need him. Seek comfort in family at this time

Right time for some hypnosis!! I actually look forward to this time now.

Thanks marley I reread my list of his horrible behaviour and then watched some Frasier on my ipad to distract myself. Fell asleep and feel better this morning 🙂

Well done dolly!

Sunday is often a hard day so I hope everyone has a good day today 💪🏻

Day 6 today- which also happens to be my 1 year wedding anniversary.

I have to see him later too when he drops dd off. Dreading this but I must stay strong.

You can do this Liza. Anniversaries are very hard but as Ami has shown, it does get easier.
Hand hold if needed.

Morning ladies. I am really struggling today. Couldn’t sleep last night - was thinking about him remembering all the good, romantic times and things he had said to me about our future, about how happy I was when I was spending time with him 😭 Will this feeling ever pass? I wish I’d never met him. Will I ever be happy again? Trying to stay strong for my children x

Thanks iris.

Handhold here for you too, sorry about your dad. We are all here if you need us.

Keep your chin up Happy, it’s tough when kids are involved but my dd keeps me strong. She is my main focus in life and she makes me smile every day. Just focus on you dc. They will pull you through.

When you break up with someone you tend to forget what an arse they are and concentrate on all the good stuff. As many of the people on here have done, make a list of all his bad points and whenever you feel down or have a wobble, look at it. It really does help.

Today is gonna be hard for me- this time a year ago I was getting my hair done!- but I also remind myself of the severe doubts I was having too. And that helps.

Keep strong, ladies

Thank you for your kind words Lisa. I know it’s a tough day for your today as well. Sending hugs xx

The person who broke up with me is not the father of my children. I only knew him for a couple of months but fell in love with him. He ended it out of the blue - don’t know the reason really. The trouble of making a list of things I don’t like about him is so difficult because I liked everything about him and he treated me wonderfully - that’s why it’s so hard not to think about the good times x

I hope you will manage to get out of the house and visit people today. Please don’t be on your own today otherwise you will be flooded with memories and emotions xx

Thanks happy. My sisters have something planned although I don’t know what!

I’m so sorry for how you are feeling. I guess it’s easier for me because my stbxh was a lazy, arrogant selfish arsehole. Doesn’t make it easier by any means but it helps to think of him like that when I have a bad day.

And he is meant to have dd this weekend but as he lives with his mum I know he went out last night and left her with his mum and I know he has gone to work today cos he doesn’t know how to look after dd.

It makes me so angry cos although it’s good she is getting time with her Nanna it’s also time I could be having with her if he can’t be bothered to make the effort. I miss my little girl so much

Liza I hope your sisters have something nice planned. Let us know how it goes. I’m sorry your distraction man was such a dick. What a shame. Mine was working last night. Very chatty still. I’ll see him tonight but unless he gives me his number or some other means of contacting him that will be that. The pub he’s moving to is my ex’s local so I can’t go there and I’ve told him I won’t. What a shame cos he seems keen.

Well done dolly for not contacting him. One day at a time. You’re doing fabulous.

Happy there will be negatives, you maybe haven’t realised yet. When I split up I felt the same. I thought he was perfect (for me). No negatives. But actually now with some clarity I can reel off a list. A long one. I’m tempted to dump him off FB now. The only reason I haven’t recently is that I think it makes me look hysterical which I’m absolutely not. But actually now I don’t want him knowing anything about me. He’s a pathetic wanker

Hey everyone. Liza I hope you're okay today. Let us know what your sisters have planned. Everyone is doing so well. Day 5 today. Am just in a pissed off mood. Still can't quite get my head around the fact that I am willing to forgive him for cheating on me but he's the one who needs space lol. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that when he comes back I won't be there and no longer want to be with him. That'll be the shock of his life seeing as I've forgiven him for so much in the past

Dolly that’s a great attitude and feeling pissed off is totally normal. One of the cycle of emotions you’ll go through over the next few weeks. He doesn’t deserve you. You know that. He’s a lying cheating scumbag. Let’s hope one day somebody does exactly the same to him. Let’s hope when the reality hits him of what he’s lost, it makes him utterly miserable. Knobber