30 days no contact - Thread no 2

[Mumanddadtoone]

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

Thanks guys. I know it’s only me in torturing

Keep your chin up Liza. You’ve got some lovely plans this weekend. Enjoy yourself and try not to think about the anniversary

Liza big hugs, I guess I'm in a situation similar to you but I'm how your ex is with my ex. We were together 8 years, have DC and I left him and in his eyes I've moved on with my life no problem. It's still hard, but I think I have handled it in more of a guys way than how girls deal with breakups. But I checked out of our relationship a long time prior to ending it, so I guess that's why I feel easier to move on. Doesn't mean I don't have awful days, days when I miss everything and sad times. But I'm sticking my head in the sand by going out/filling my days with so much that I'm never home long enough to deal with my emotions. I imagine he's doing a similar thing, doesn't mean he's not hurting but if he ended it he knows he needs to be strong, as showing any weakness towards you will give you false hope

I'm having a really crappy evening. Not sure what's wrong with me, I was doing okay before I saw him today. Have to see him tomorrow too. It's killing me that we were never anything, that he now just treats me like nothing after he treated me practically like a girlfriend for so long. I crave that past him that made me feel so special, and got so much attention from him. I need to realise that person has gone now. He clearly likes the chase seeing as he told me today he wanted to work with the new girl at work, there must just be something about winning someone over for his ego and then he drops them. Ugh. I just feel useless, like there's something wrong with me. The worst thing is, and not trying to sound arrogant because i'm not at all, but all his friends go on about fancying me and he gets moody with them about it - but he's the only one who doesn't. What's wrong with me.

but he's the only one who doesn't. What's wrong with me?

I've done a lot of reading, studying and thinking about these kind of relationships. I bet you have too, but most of us need reminding sometimes!

It's often a very early childhood pattern. If a parent seemed at all unavailable then as a small child we are programmed to seek out and obtain their attention and love. It's basic survival.

If that isn't resolved then often we carry that pattern into adulthood and have a series of unsatisfactory relationships with partners who are unavailable in various ways. We also develop attachments to and desire those who who don't seem to want us.

It's very painful and repetitive I know. I am a victim of this myself. Still trying to overcome it!

Although I am still living in the house with my ex I am spending every evening out with friends and then going straight to bed when I go back. Minimising contact is helping and good preparation for NC.

Thanks ami and meow. Having a lovely evening with my sister and got a busy couple of days planned.

Dinnerdate don’t signify him with a response. He’s a reptile and you’re better off without him. Let him stew x

*dignify

Just had a phone call from his sister horrible woman. My resolve is good again

I've got another idea to help in keeping our minds off these human beings. So besides hynotising ourselves at night lol, how about going to see a psychic, healer etc. I've seen one before and he was brilliant actually. I know it may be a bit drastic but it could give you some guidance that things will be alright..can also give guidance on what you should be doing....just a thought anyway

Iris65 Ahh yes I read about this the other day but didn't look into it too much. My mum has always been very distant with love and I've always seeked her approval as she's a very difficult and opinionated woman. So even guys I would date, some I'm sure I only did because she would approve. This guy is also very similar to my mum, very critical of everyone and everything and I constantly seek his approval....so it's all making sense!!! Feels so pathetic though as I can't seem to stop myself. Going to have a google into ways to stop being this way.

Liza have a great weekend

dolly hope you have a fun time out tomo, or was it tonight? i'm definitely going out tomorrow night in London for a halloween night out, so excited.

I was really upset tonight but then finally listened to some cheerful music and was happy again...THEN 'bing' my phone goes off and it's him telling me he'd enjoyed seeing me today and that he was looking forward to seeing me tomorrow for work. SO ANNOYING. I did respond stupidly and he's not bothered to reply and has been online constantly since....absolute moron.

dinnerdate yes ignoring him means you're not contacting him, you can't control his actions. well done!!

itsjustmarley my mum believes in psychics etc so she told me to do this. they can be helpful, i probably would if i knew a decent one

sad sorry to hear about your phone call :(

Hope everyone has a great weekend and stays strong!

Can anyone recommend a good sleep hypnosis video to try?

I’m feeling ok so far today. Dd isn’t here so I’ve been able to have a lay in. Miss her like mad but it’s been nice to take the morning so far at my own pace and think about me for a little while

Can I ask your advice about this ladies! It may give you hope anyway. Day 32 for me. Said here last week a man has been flirting with me in the local. He works there. So last night he wasn’t working, he isn’t local but he was there anyway apparently to see me!!! (Not sure about that). So we get chatting properly. He’s leaving in a week or so to go and work in my ex’s local, well one of a few. Said I can’t go there, it would look stalky! Damn it!!! Wwyd? I had a nice kiss last night though 😫😫😫😫😫

Morning everyone! Currently nursing a sore head. Was very drunk last and managed to not text him! Day 4 hope everyone is okay x

Well done dolly! Great feeling isn’t it! I used to check my phone with dread in a morning just in case! Give yourself a massive pat on the back! Smash day 4 x

We can do this. Sunny day here in a year we will wonder why this was hard x

Miracle I’m not sure I want to get into anything really. He’s nice, sweet. He works in a pub though. Chances are he’s a player aren’t they? Keeping feet firmly on the ground here. 30 days done and I’m on the up

Ami- just have a bit of fun! I have forgotten to mention I’m chatting to an old work colleague of mine- we have a laugh and there is proper banter between us but he is going through a break up too so don’t think it will ever go anywhere. But it’s someone to chat to!

Dolly- well done! Hope you had a good night!

To the rest of you gorgeous ladies- keep strong! And busy! Day 5 here

Great Liza! Day 5 is brilliant. Keep chatting to this guy. It’s a pleasant distraction. Mine is working in the local tonight. I may just pop in. Can’t beat a good flirt. I’m now enjoying being single again 😜