Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

30 days no contact - Thread no 2

999 replies

Mumanddadtoone · 07/10/2017 11:16

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

OP posts:
Tuileries · 25/10/2017 14:37

It's actually making me feel like I'm being really harsh, even though nothing I'm writing there is untrue. I think I'm so used to him making me feel guilty and unreasonable for being upset with him about anything. I feel like I need to write another list with his good points and the good things he has done for me over the years (of which there are at least as many), but obviously I won't do that. Just because you treat somebody very well some of the time doesn't excuse treating them like shit at other times.

LizaJane85 · 25/10/2017 14:45

I’m so making a list because for some reason I’ve put him on some sort of pedestal he by no means deserves to be on! What is wrong with me? Why can’t I see him for who he is??

LizaJane85 · 25/10/2017 15:03

Sorry everyone seems to be having a crappy day. I feel ever so tearful today too. Mainly because this time a year ago I was getting excited for my wedding day on 4 days! Proper gutting this week Sad

meowimacat · 25/10/2017 16:31

Well I swiped right on him and we didn't match. My heart was going so much. I'm guessing he's done a no on me already.

Need to write my list. Got some work to do tonight and then going to come home and sit down and make a list. Need to realise why I like him so much when he doesn't treat me how I deserve

Aminuts23 · 25/10/2017 17:03

I made a list. Posted it on here actually somewhere. It helps. Keep it somewhere handy. Email it to yourself so you can look at it whenever you want. Then every time you’re tempted to contact him look at the list and remember exactly how you felt every time he did one or more things on it. Good luck to all those struggling today Flowers

Tuileries · 25/10/2017 17:21

I've just online banked him some of the debt I owe him so he can't say I'm not trying. I hate being in debt to somebody. I wish I'd never got into this situation.

LizaJane85 · 25/10/2017 18:10

Just taken dd out for a couple of hours and feel a bit brighter. Going to write my list once dd is in bed and keep it close at hand for the tough times Wink

Tuileries · 25/10/2017 20:13

I'm glad you feel brighter, Liza. I spoke to WA tonight. They were really helpful. I keep feeling like I was the abusive one - I can't seem to get past that. Feeling nauseous again and have had a horrible metallic taste in my mouth all day. I feel like I've swallowed a penny.

Itsjustmarley · 25/10/2017 20:29

So I wish there was a switch where you could just forget and turn off your feelings and so I stumbled on a little thing called hypnosis lol, there's loads of videos on hypnosis to forget him...actually thinking of doing that before bed so hopefully I'd wake up and not feel anything anymore

meowimacat · 25/10/2017 22:23

What is wrong with me! I've been so stupid today. Liked him on Tinder even though he hasn't liked me back and won't. Messaged him a response that he ignored so went and saw him today...and tonight I've RE-ADDED him on Snapchat. What an idiot. What am I doing.

Need to write that list now. Bad day.

shaaan1329 · 25/10/2017 23:56

Another one finding it hard today. I miss him so much its unbelievable. I keep thinking of the good memories we shared and about what could have been if I’d have acted differently (even though rationally I know I haven’t done anything wrong it’s his mind games making me feel guilty).

I know he can’t and won’t change, but I so wish he would. Love is SO painful :(

LizaJane85 · 26/10/2017 06:55

Just saw a quote on google that has made me smile-

*If you can love the wrong person so much- imagine how much you could love the right one.
*
I dunno why, but I love this. Flowers

N0Way · 26/10/2017 07:36

I love it Liza Jane

dolly3012xo · 26/10/2017 08:18

Morning everyone Grin

Day 2 for me today. Phone is still switched off. Will turn it on tomorrow night when I am going out just for safety and it will be going off again as soon as I get home.

I listened to a "mend your broken heart" hypnosis last night going to sleep and I have slept the best I have in weeks!

LizaJane85- I love that quote so much. I also like the quote "The right person can't come into your life if the wrong person is still there."

dolly3012xo · 26/10/2017 08:18

Morning everyone Grin

Day 2 for me today. Phone is still switched off. Will turn it on tomorrow night when I am going out just for safety and it will be going off again as soon as I get home.

I listened to a "mend your broken heart" hypnosis last night going to sleep and I have slept the best I have in weeks!

LizaJane85- I love that quote so much. I also like the quote "The right person can't come into your life if the wrong person is still there."

LizaJane85 · 26/10/2017 08:31

Dolly- isn’t there a book you are reading too?

dolly3012xo · 26/10/2017 08:47

LizaJane85- I brought "its called a breakup because its broken" Have only read a few pages but it seems good! There is also another book I have read twice. For the life of me I cannot remember the name but is written by a man but it is brilliant. Goes into cheating, loyalty, trust and loads of different topics. Also has lines where you can write notes. Will update you with the name when I get home

GeriT · 26/10/2017 09:31

Day fucking 1. I will do this!!

Iris65 · 26/10/2017 10:17

I am on no contact countdown which starts the end of next week. In preparation I have:

  1. blocked his mobile number and email (because I use a Mac and iphone I have to his name in my contacts list for that aaaaaarggggggh!)
  2. deleted all photos of him

I am also reading an excellent book on my kindle called Your Brain on Love, Sex and the Narcissist: the Biochemical Bonds that Keep Us Addicted to Our Abusers by Shahida Arabi.

dolly3012xo · 26/10/2017 10:48

Well done Iris65! How comes you're doing a count down and not going NC straight away? x

Itsjustmarley · 26/10/2017 11:30

I did hypnosis last night, I kept waking up though because my earphones were hurting. I've come to work now though so looking after people keeps my mind off it.

I'm having stupid thoughts though like maybe I should talk to him now and again so he does realise how great I am. But he should know that anyway shouldn't he.

Starting day 1......again. seriously it's like a drug!!

dolly3012xo · 26/10/2017 11:41

itsjustmarley- I didn't put my earphones in, i just put it next to me when I slept. Maybe try that?

Don't messaged him! You need to give him a chance to miss you. You need to remember that men work backwards. Us women hold on and think about all the good things and then we think rationally about the way they're treating us. Men think about the bad things and then it turns into how much they miss us and all the good things

LizaJane85 · 26/10/2017 11:46

Come on girls, we can do this! Day 3 for me? Or maybe day 2? Maybe it’s a good thing I’ve forgotten. Let’s go day 3 Wink

meowimacat · 26/10/2017 11:51

Right I don't even know if it's day 1 for me as I have to see him tomorrow and Saturday and saw him yesterday so it's like I'm in limbo. Thinking of cancelling work Saturday so I don't have to see him twice.

Have to say though even though I've been a total mess yesterday, I woke up today a lot better.

I was watching YouTube videos by some American woman called Amy Young, and she was basically saying why do you like someone who doesn't like you...and the way she was wording things just made me realise how stupid I've been to put this guy on a pedestal. To think he's better than me. And I think the main reason I want him is because I don't want to be rejected...it's not really about him so much as that feeling of not being good enough/insecurity.

So, today I feel a lot better, as though I'm starting to see he's not all that. But then I'll be seeing him tomorrow so let's see how that goes...

meowimacat · 26/10/2017 12:20

Here's some videos for you girls...she's a tad annoying (being a bit of a Jenna Marbles) but also quite funny and her videos are helping me.

How do you stop loving a toxic person:

How to stop contacting your awful ex and be empowered:

Swipe left for the next trending thread