30 days no contact - Thread no 2

[Mumanddadtoone]

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

I've written it. Wow. I don't know why I would want anything to do with him after writing all that. We got together Mid November 2015. I have included dates. Prepare yourselves. It's a long one.

Reason's why I deserve better-

February 2016- Still on Tinder. Saw the app on his phone and later questioned him about it. He said he done it out of boredom and deleted them.
May 2016- My friend saw him on POF. He was last active a week before.
June 2016- Took a girl out for a drink. Said that they didn't sleep together but she messaged him a link about "dogging" which he said was just a joke but I would be stupid in not thinking that they slept together in the car and he just didn't want to admit it. (didn't find this out till November)
August 2016- Sexted a girl and sent pictures of his dick to her. Planned to meet up. Don't think it happened though she lived far away. (Didn't find this out till August 2017!)
November 2016- Told me that he had spoken to a girl in a bar and asked for her number. (I was away for a couple of days) Then said that he stopped speaking to her because "he realized that she wasn't me.
October 2017- Found out that he had slept with a girl. One night stand. He was away and I went and visited for a couple of days and then it happened after I left.
Would also like to note that he broke up with his last girlfriend because he cheated. He also likes to comment on every women's appearance. "She's gorgeous, she has a great body etc" I have no issues with complimenting someones appearance but when you start picking out certain traits it makes me feel like a pile of shit.

He smokes weed everyday and then complains as to why he has no money. On a night out with his boys he will take lots of drugs.
Always complains about money but would never think twice about buying drugs or drink.
Massive porn user- told me he has to masturbate several times a day
Took him over a year to introduce me to his family and friends and even after that I felt like a secret
All we did was go out to eat and come home- apart from the odd occasion we would go on holiday or do something different
Is constantly shady with his phone- hides it away
Can take 9 hours + to reply to a message
He is 30 and I am/was his second girlfriend- I wonder why
Never done anything romantic/special
Would emotionally unload onto me but was never there for me when I needed him

Sounds like you're well shot, dolly

Ugh dolly. Sounds like a pile of sh*t if you don't mind me saying 😊

Didn't think he had done all that Tuileries until I wrote it all down. I am shocked.

Why am I even considering giving this guy another chance?

I left a man who was nothing but kind to me, nothing but there for me. Gave up smoking and drinking just because I didn't like it. He would go to the end of the world and back for me.
But I have some serious issues to work through before I can be with him as he deserves. If he doesn't wait, which he said he will, then I will be happy for him.
It's soooo hard

And he made me feel so beautiful and sexy even though he is the hottest man I have ever known. With amazing blue eyes and a killer South African accent.
Whyyyyyy

@N0Way is this your online guy?

How long have you been in no contact with him? How are thing with you and your husband?

Sorry guys

Yeah!! Him. We talked for about 7 months.
I once said I liked the leather bracelet he wore which he has worn for years and years, and he posted it to me.
I'm not talking to him anymore so I can work things out with my husband. I really want to be fair. I want to be sure this is not just crazy feelings that are not true. I need to get my head screwed on right. Got therapist appointment coming up.

You will have days/weeks where you want to talk to him again. Be strong.

Do it the right way..if you really can't make it work with your husband. Leave him!

Going to a therapist is a good move x

Thank you xx

Saw stbxh this morning to collect my dd. He looks a mess. Literally said 2 words to each other. It’s funny to think this time a year ago we were 4 days off our wedding day- now he is like a stranger to me. It hurts.

That's tough, Liza. Only in June my ex and I had a ceremony abroad. It's strange to think I only wore my ring for five months. A lot can change in such a short space of time. How are you feeling now?

I'm joining dolly in switching off my phone. I've put it out the way in a drawer.

Woo Tuileries! Maybe I'll start a thread 30 days no phone haha. Am planning on turning it on next Friday. If ex really wants to talk to me he will message me on FB. If not then whatever

Tuileries- I’m ok. I always give myself a talking to and get on with it. Got dd today as it’s my day off work so gotta keep positive for her. He’s speaking to a new girl so don’t think he’s too bothered about me. It’s barely been 6 weeks after an 8 year relationship but hey ho!

dolly omg how did you manage to stay sane through all of that!? Sorry but what a loser. You deserve better than that...maybe some self love videos to watch?

I'm on day 2 but I want to send another last message as I have more to say lol, I think it's because he's always saying he's lovely! But he's not! Lovely people don't do this. I just want him to know that he's not and to stop believing he is!

itsjustmarley- I have no idea! My friends always describe me as one of the strongest people they know but I am defo not after putting up with all his shit. I out right said that I wanted to give things another go (probably use to saying that every time he fucked up i got use to it) He said that he needed time and space. Saw him on saturday, was great. Then he tells me he still needs time and space. I called him yesterday and monday only to be told the same. "I love you, please believe that. You'll hear from me again."- that was his words. So I am turning my phone off for over a week. When I receive a message of him I will tell him actually after not speaking to you I need more space as I have realized how fucking awful you have treated me and don't know if I can look past it again!

dolly if a guy really loves you and wants to be with you he will, nothing will stop him and he wouldn't be doing all this stupid crap. He's taking advantage of the fact he knows you're there and thinks he can have you whenever he wants. I mean why would someone who loves you put you through this?

Stupid question - is the whole NC to help me get over him. Or to help me step back and really see what is going on?

It's not a stupid question. I think it's whatever you want to get from it. Personally for me it's to be able to step back and examine his behaviour without being so caught up emotionally, feeling sorry for him etc. It's only now I'm really beginning to see how damaging his behaviour has been to me, which in turn will help me to 'get over him', I guess.

GeriT I think it's both really. NC will give you clarity on the situation, and make you realise what you want if you aren't sure. It's also the best way to get over someone, but so hard.

I'm having a hard time today, just feel like crying all the time.

So yesterday he started messaging me, non work related things, and I was blunt at first but then he hooked me back in to thinking of him WHEN I WAS DOING SO WELL

So last night I thought about maybe getting back into the dating scene to stop this nonsense, even just chatting to other people. So I joined Tinder again for the hundredth time, and who comes up on the second swipe? HIM!!!

I couldn't stop crying when I saw him on there, he mocked me for once being on it saying he'd never join it as he's 'not that guy' and there he is looking back at me with his photo. This shows me what I know already, that he's wanting to be with someone, it's just not me. I haven't swiped him yet as that will show me for sure that he doesn't like me as I know we won't match. But I will do it today when I'm brave enough. I just need to see that he doesn't like me like I like him.

I need to make a list of reasons why I shouldn't want him too, will do that later.

I even got a message from him at 6am this morning, and then he ignored my response like the dick he is. So what did I do? I went into our mutual place of work, even though I didn't have to today, just to (secretly) see him. I know, sad and pathetic. I swear he's like a drug I need a fix of.
So I saw him and we only briefly spoke but we're seeing each other later this week for work so he was talking about seeing me then, being all happy and charming.

My little ones are with their dad for the rest of the week so I'm on my own. Thinking of going to some kind of fitness session like boxing or something to hang out with other guys. It's a bit out of my comfort zone but I need to just get out and meet new people. Don't want to think the rest of the week I've got to sit in on my own all evening thinking about someone who doesn't even give me a thought.

meowimacat I had my bad day yesterday where I just wanted to cry and just kept thinking if I did things differently and it was all my fault....which it isn't.

I'm running like every day, apparently the endorphins can last up to 12 hours. But I agree it is like a drug and drugs are bad because they make you feel like this. Try taking back your power...theres some good videos on YouTube about regaining it.

How about going on bumble or pof instead if you're looking at dating again?

But...you will be ok, let your emotions out, cry, shout. And then recognise it, ask yourself why you feel like this about someone who doesn't care...like why?? And then understand you deserve better

Thinking of you meow, that must have been a horrible shock.

I'm writing my reasons I broke up with my ex thing. I don't think I can share it here - it's too personal.

Tuileries- Let me know how you feel after writing it. I am still in shock but has made me feel a lot stronger about doing no contact.

for all you lovely ladies x