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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

30 days no contact - Thread no 2

999 replies

Mumanddadtoone · 07/10/2017 11:16

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

OP posts:
LizaJane85 · 23/10/2017 16:12

We need a what’s app group!

dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 16:14

Hey mewoimacat- Well done for getting to day 9! I can't seem to get past day 1! I hope it gets easier for you and for all of us x

dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 16:17

nosugarnocalories- I second the get over it button! Shall we invent one? Grin

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 16:44

I feel for you meow. 9 days - well done!

The night before I asked my ex to leave I blurted out that I didn't love him anymore. I'm not sure why because nothing could be further from the truth. I think it's his behaviour I didn't love and I was just so upset with him. I did tell him the next morning that it wasn't true because, if nothing else, I don't want to hurt him.

I told him not to contact me when he's feeling down (that's what made me feel sorry for him and invite him back last time). I wonder if he's thought about contacting me or hasn't thought about me much at all. It's really strange going from being in contact with somebody much of the day to nothing at all. I find myself wanting to tell him all sorts of things that he'd find funny but now I have no one to tell.

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 16:45

I'm trying to get some work done but failing miserably Sad

LizaJane85 · 23/10/2017 18:05

Managed to get through Monday at work! Bloody difficult. NC day one again for me tomorrow. I might get someone at work to confiscate my phone.
Lovely to see you back Meow, hope you are ok.
Tulleries- be kind to yourself Smile

Aminuts23 · 23/10/2017 18:15

It seems a few of you are struggling today. I can absolutely promise it does get easier. It’s absolutely awful going from someone you shared your life with every day to NC. It’s grief. You feel sad, angry, overwhelmed, devastated, totally helpless either all at the same time or on an endless carousel. My main down time was Thursday nights as we always spent fridays together so I used to get ready and look forward to it. In my case I think it’s slightly easier as we don’t have DC and he’s not making contact with me. That has helped massively. I’ve leaned on my friends and family and tried to keep busy. I joined POF last weekend although I haven’t been on since then. Not interested really. I’m finding now at day 27 that I think of him very infrequently and not every day. I don’t check his FB any more. I can tell people now without feeling upset. I can acknowledge to myself and others that he wasn’t quite as perfect for me as I once thought. He treat me very badly at the end. I wish he’d treated me with respect but he chose not to and that means I can’t possibly salvage a friendship. I think the key is trying to retrain your brain from missing them to thinking about what they actually said/did that’s left us feeling like this. Whatever it was, hurting people you are supposed to care about is totally unacceptable. It’s cruel and unkind. If you can start getting to that way of thinking (genuinely) it really helps Flowers

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 18:33

Aminuts - that's reassuring.

I can't contact mine as much as I'd like to because I specifically asked him not to contact me and I don't want to come across like a loon. Well, no more than I already do.

dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 19:36

Just been on the phone to him for 20 minutes. Him crying saying that he feels bad about rejecting me and that again we need time- I love you, you will hear from me again. I actually feel stronger and more ready to do 30 NC. I don't know why he needs time. He was the one who cheated on me Confused

Hows everyone doing this evening?

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 19:37

I love you, you will hear from me again

That's not very helpful. It's awfully vague Confused

dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 19:43

Tuileries- Tell me about it. I really don't know why I am waiting around for him when he was the one who did wrong. So so so determined not to speak to him now.

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 19:54

I'm really tempted to text my ex to ask how he is. I feel bad that I told him not to contact me. He has depression (and lots of issues) and I feel like I'm being cruel. But I don't want to mess him about either. I don't know what to do Sad

Aminuts23 · 23/10/2017 20:07

Tuileries try not to. Tell yourself you might do it tomorrow or later in the week then get through tonight. You feel bad because you have empathy. Put yourself first. You need to be really selfish now to start to recover Flowers

dinnerdatedisaster · 23/10/2017 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 20:59

I've managed to restrain myself so far. I've been distracting myself by talking to a good male friend. He has only just gone and told me his feelings for me. Help - I can't cope with men!

dinnerdatedisaster · 23/10/2017 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 21:37

Well done dinnerdate (do you like that programme as much as I do Grin?)

He's a lovely bloke and he wasn't too serious about it, but still.

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 22:32

Oh dear. Day 0 for me.

heartnothead · 23/10/2017 22:54

Did you contact him tuilerie?

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 23:07

Yes, just to tell him I was thinking about him and hoped he was okay. He hasn't replied.

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 23:08

I feel so sad. I need to remember the unpleasant ways in which he treated me, and why I ended it.

Tuileries · 24/10/2017 00:09

Oh no, now I'm in floods of tears Sad. I don't understand how or why he could treat me so badly and just not get it.

dolly3012xo · 24/10/2017 06:39

Tuileries- has he replied? Hope you’re okay and not beating yourself up too much Sad

Day 1 again. Who else is on day 1? Feeling a lot stronger after yesterday. We can do it girls

Aminuts23 · 24/10/2017 08:02

Tuileries try not to beat yourself up. You and dolly start again today. Day 28 here! It really is possible xx

LizaJane85 · 24/10/2017 08:14

On Day one here again. Just need to teach myself to shut him out of brain. He doesn’t deserve the head space I’ve been giving him.