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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

30 days no contact - Thread no 2

999 replies

Mumanddadtoone · 07/10/2017 11:16

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

OP posts:
dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 10:12

hearnothead- I can't wait to get to day 14! Well done you! I know how you feel about being flat. I am still in the frame of mind with what ifs and how things could have been different. But it has happened now and there is no way I can change it so just have to keep moving forward..

dinnerdatedisaster · 23/10/2017 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LizaJane85 · 23/10/2017 12:31

Thanks everyone for your replies. How do you distract yourselves from all the things running through your heads. I just don’t know how to stop thinking about things. I feel so guilty Cos I should be putting all my energy into dd but I’m selfishly thinking about myself. I feel like a terrible mother.

dinnerdatedisaster · 23/10/2017 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 14:09

LizaJane85- You are not a terrible mother. Please don't say that about yourself. You have a lot going on and its in no way selfish to be thinking and feeling what you are.

Girls I need some advice. I have hardly done any work today and all im thinking about is him. Do you think I should say to him that we either work on things or don't at all because this "time will tell" thing is driving me bonkers. I hate not knowing and feeling uncertain.

Or

Do you think I should give us a couple of weeks to actually breathe and realize what we both want? I'm stuck because all I want to do is go and lie next to him in bed Sad

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 14:32

I think the latter would be most sensible, but I know how difficult it is.

dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 14:42

Ah I don't know what to do Sad I might just give him a week and message saying "this is stupid. I know what I want."...

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 14:53

Noooo!

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 14:55

I've joined Tinder (I know, it's way too soon but I thought it might be a bit of a fun distraction). It seems to be taking me ages to 'match' with someone and I've finally done it. It made me feel really sad because I can't imagine ever loving somebody other than my ex. I don't want to love anybody other than my ex. I don't even want to kiss anybody other than my ex.

Oh dear. What a mess I am Halloween Smile

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 14:56

Dolly, can you put it off and do something else for 10 minutes, then see how you feel?

dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 15:03

Too late. My heart and my emotional head took over and I messaged him. Hate myself already, regret it already. FFS Angry I am so annoyed at myself. It was only yesterday I told him that I needed space. I am so weak lol.

Tuileries- a bit of harmless distraction is no harm at all Wink

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 15:10

Don't hate yourself. Just try counting to 10 next time you get an urge to contact him. Then repeat x 100 Grin

dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 15:19

I feel like an actual tit. It wasn't even a light hearted text it was more like can we just forget all the bullshit and be together again. Worse thing is that I know I am not going to get the reply I want

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 15:25

It will be okay. I've said some desperate things to my ex in the past in attempt to put us back together again. It's horribly emotive. What are you going to do while you're waiting for a reply?

LizaJane85 · 23/10/2017 15:32

I was where you girls are this morning. I’m such a mess. At first I don’t want him to contact me which he does then I moan because he hasn’t contacted me. I’m screwed up!

NosugarNocalories · 23/10/2017 15:32

dolly - Breathing space would give him time to reflect over his behaviour. If he doesn’t feel that his actions might cause him to lose you for good, then he may well do the same thing again. He has to work to regain trust and show he truly respects and values you.

Liza - It is bloody hard, especially when you have a child together. Men seem to have an ability to just switch off, where women seem so much more emotional and analytical about how things went wrong, and how to go about fixing things. I know in the past my ex had done things like, go shopping, meet up with friends for drinks, football etc. while I was pining away and crying in bed night after night.

I can’t give any good advice, other than to take one day at a time and invest in yourself, spoil yourself and in time, things will become easier...

dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 15:32

I whatsapped him and its only gone to one tick so he hasn't received it yet which is making me feel a lot better. I am going to think deeply as to why I need to do 30 NC. Been reading success stories online lol.

What are you up to today Tuileries?

dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 15:36

nosugarnocalories- I did the wrong thing and messaged him. Will keep you all updated on a reply but I can basically tell you now it will be along the lines of- "we both agreed we needed space. I know its hard blah blah blah. You are headfucking me." Can it just be 30 days already?! Sad

Tuileries · 23/10/2017 15:41

I'm starting to feel sad. I think I may have to go and have a little cry. Sad

dinnerdatedisaster · 23/10/2017 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 15:52

Oh no Tuileries- lots of Wine, Flowers and Cake for you.

I am absolutely knackered. I want to lock myself in a dark room for a month.

NosugarNocalories · 23/10/2017 15:56

dolly - sorry, I wrote that message before I saw the response

No worries. See how he responds, and simply take it from there. It’s never too late to do no contact if that’s what it comes down to.

dolly3012xo · 23/10/2017 15:58

nosugarnocalories- No problem hun. It just seems weird not speaking to him when we were only together on saturday telling each other how much we loved each other. I suppose love isnt always enough Sad

meowimacat · 23/10/2017 15:59

Hello to all of you, I'm back from my mini break. It was nice to get away, my friend has also been dealing with heartache so we were both there- although her ex was messaging her (nothing important), but it just hurt to know she was getting a message and I'm still being ignored. It's been 9 days NC for me - although he briefly messaged me during that (work related) and I replied v bluntly and deleted messages straight after.

I'll be honest, I don't feel like things have got easier at all. This morning I was sat on a beautiful beach looking at the sea and my mind kept going to this guy who just DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL.

I just can't wait to get out of the habit of him coming into my head Sad I have to see him this week too for work, so I guess that's why I'm struggling more than if I knew I'd never see him again. I'm thinking of sorting something so I don't have to work with him any more. It's too difficult to see him and work one on one with him.

Well done everyone, I know some of you have messaged or feeling low about things but just remember to come here first when you feel like messaging them. xxx

NosugarNocalories · 23/10/2017 16:00

Tuileries - I have episodes of crying for hours. Days where I feel am coping perfectly fine, and days where I feel so angry for what has happened, even at myself. I wish there was a “get over it” button!