30 days no contact - Thread no 2

[Mumanddadtoone]

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

I sent an email. It was dignified actually considering how upset and angry I was at the time. He texted me to say he’d read it and I deserved better! Damn right I do!! Got no explanation whatsoever for his behaviour which is what I wanted/needed at the time. With hindsight there really wasn’t any explanation other than the fact that he’s an utter bell end

You go girl! I just sent a very long message saying everything I wanted to say yesterday. Think I’m gonna turn my phone off for a couple of hours as I don’t want to be checking it every 2 minutes

Hi guys. We are all doing so well! Let’s keep it up.
Finding today hard. I hate Sundays as it is. I’m at my best mates house with dd which is helping but I still keep thinking about him. It’s so difficult! I know I told him to go through his mum to ask about dd but a part of me thought he might still message me about her. Stupid, eh?!

Hope everyone is ok this evening. That’s another weekend almost done. I’m still very upbeat now. I’ve actually got a little crush on someone else. Nothing will come of it but it’s nice to have a bit of a flirt. Onwards and upwards

Hope everyone is okay! Can’t believe how fast this weekend has gone. Starting day 1 tomorrow. Am so bloody confused really want to be determined and get to day 30. Almost feel like not turning my phone on for a month

Oh dear, I've had a drink and now feel like contacting ex. I won't, though. I'm just wondering how he is. I need a good film to distract myself.

I'm trying to wonder what it would be like to be alone and be okay with that. It's been years since I've been alone. I enjoyed being single once so I must be able to enjoy it again.

Being single is great fun Tuileries. You can absolutely please yourself. Do as much or as little as you want. You can make your own plans without worrying about what a DP might say/think. Now I’ve got over the initial shock/upset of my relationship ending I’m enjoying myself again. Been with family today, made some fresh bread and in an hour I’m off to meet some friends for an hour or two. Enjoy your drink. I’ll have a couple later. Don’t message him, stay strong. You’ll feel better for it in the morning x

I made it through a Sunday! It’s been bloody difficult though. And not even his mum has contacted me today to see how dd is. I just don’t understand how he can’t think about his own child. I know I told him not to message but if it was me I would be desperate to know how my little girl was. I just don’t understand. It’s taking all my strength not to message him and ask if he’s forgotten who we are.

Ok, so I have been looking through old texts messages, I know I shouldn't torture myself but it's just something that was said that I still don't understand to this day. He said " if I could make it right I would, there is nobody else who I enjoy spending time with blah blah blah"

What does this actually mean? I wasn't right? The relationship wasn't right? He didn't fancy me but enjoyed my company?

I never got a real reason why things ended so abruptly. It happened too fast.

userxx he’s saying that in order to present himself to you in a better light. That’s literally all it is. He knows he’s behaved badly, dumped you hideously and you didn’t deserve that. He’s trying to make himself look like a decent, respectful man. But you know he’s not. He’s treated you badly. He’ll say this because he actually thinks he’s a decent bloke. He’s selling that idea to himself and he probably actually believes it. See it for what it is if you can. He won’t ever give you any answers that make any sense to you because the only one will be him actually admitting he’s behaved appallingly and he’ll never admit that! Mines just exactly the same. They’re knobs and we’re well rid xxx

Good morning everyone! How's everyone feeling?

Just ordered the book "its called a break up because its broken." Friend recommended it to me and said it was fab. Will read it and let you know if its any good

Good morning. Day 3 here. I went to bed early and read another chapter of Lundy Bancroft's book, which I found helpful. I've been highlighting lots of things in it to refer to when I'm feeling weak.

I quit smoking five years ago but recently started having one or two when I've been drinking, which at the moment is every night . I'm mildly asthmatic so it makes me cough horribly. Please tell me off and to throw the cigarettes away!

Morning Tuileries- Throw them away! But don't be to hard on yourself. Just try to deal with one thing at a time.

Day 1 for me again Am so confused it is unreal. I just want a month without my phone and no contact from him at all but I know this is very unlikely. I was so sure I wanted to get back with him but I am really not sure now and want to be 100% before I commit to anything.

Also looking back at past relationships and minor breakups from my ex it always seems to happen at this time of year...Feel like I am cursed

Being new to this thread I don't know what your situation is but you are not cursed, Dolly.

I was thinking about the last (and only other) time I broke up with my ex. Every word from him afterwards was just salt in the wound. I'm trying to do it differently this time. There's no way I could have contact with him at the moment or I'd want to be back with him in an instant.

Hey Tuileries-

Situation is that I found out that he had a one night stand a couple of months back. The way I found out was a bit extreme on my end and I ended up lying and being deceitful (according to him) He was angry how I went about finding out and we ended up just having argument after argument. We decided to have a couple of days to "breathe" and he messaged me last Wednesday asking to meet up on the weekend and we did. I was so adamant that I wanted to make things work with him and get back together before seeing him but after our conversation I am not sure and no conclusions were met. We also slept together

We then said we both that time will tell whether or not we are meant to be together or not so I suppose it is a waiting game now but I hate waiting and just want to know the answers

Based on your post, he sounds like a complete prick. He got angry with you when you found out he had a ONS?! Now he's leaving it to 'time' to repair the damage HE did to your relationship?

I know it's not as simple as all that when it comes to the heart. I'm sorry if my opinion is unwelcome. I really do think you deserve better though

No Tuileries you are completely right. I know I deserve better but there has always been something that draws us back together- or maybe it is just his dick size

A part of me still wants to make it work because realistically me and him should have never worked but we did. Just wish I had the answers!

It's difficult when you have that 'bond' with someone. I can't explain it.

What answers are you looking for? It seems that at the moment, the ball is in his court - is that the case?

Tuileries- I want to know what I want more then anything. At the moment I am in between wanting to make it work and wanting to walk away and build my life again.

I would say the ball is in no ones court at this time. I was the one after the meeting who said I think time would be the best thing.

Ideally I want to do 30 NC and see how I feel and what I want. If I want him back then I want to see him and tell him. If he says that he still does't have the answers or that he needs more time then I need to walk away as I am not going to allow myself to be the one fighting for it.

Also I think he needs time to understand what he done was wrong and not distract himself with the thought of what I done.

I’ve failed miserably again! Saw him this morning, trying to get the answers I know he isn’t going to give me. How do I get past this? I feel like my head is going to explode while he is just carrying on saying he find it’s hard but he distracts himself and keeps himself busy and hardly ever thinks about our break up. Why can’t I be like that???

Hi Dolly - a bit flat if I’m honest keep churning things over and over even though I know there’s no point.

User like you I was looking at old texts and agree with Aminuts reply. They actually delude themselves into thinking they’re good guys.

The last time I met my ex, a few weeks ago he kept telling me he had a big heart - I’ve since found out this is called humblebragging.

Yeah such a big heart that you tried to sleep with me whilst (unbeknown to me) he had started another relationship (whilst saying to me we could get back on track in the long term).

I would guess he’s surprised at my silence - it must now be Day 14.

Onward and upward!

Hope everyone has a good day

LizaJane85- Men seem to be experts of keeping themselves busy and distracting themselves. The ex said to me on Saturday that he only thinks about things when he wants to- lucky fucker. Me on the other hand thinks about everything when I am feeling it in the moment. Just know that they can't run away from their thoughts/feelings all together and there will come a time when they will have to!