30 days no contact - Thread no 2

[Mumanddadtoone]

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

He just text me..

My heart is dropping out my ass.

Thanks autumn and dolly. Tough day but have a meeting today with a council offer to consider my housing options. Fingers crossed they can sort something out for me!
Dolly- have you replied??

LizaJane85- Fingers crossed for you! I haven't replied. I have therapy tonight and want to talk openly about what has happened and what options I have before I reply. A part of me still wants things to work. Am I being stupid?

Fingers crossed liza a home will make all the difference

Can I join please - Day 11 of NC.

That’s what I’m hoping autumn! Having a crap day apart from that, I can’t help thinking about what’s he up to still! It’s insane! Why is he on my mind so much?!

Hi guys, how is everyone doing today?

Broken! How are you?

dolly glad to hear you're not rushing to reply, let us know what you decide to do. you aren't being stupid for wanting things to work but you need to also make sure you don't rush back into anything as he needs to know he's lost you and what that feels like. Hope therapy goes ok.

Liza how did the meeting go? I know what you mean about them being on your mind. I hate it, and I hate how I know it's all one sided and he's not thinking about me like this.

BrokenStrings how are you today?

heartnothead how is day 11 going for you? big hugs and welcome!

Today sucks for me. I got some texts from my crush yesterday and was brief and blunt with him. Nothing today and doubt I'll hear from him again until next week. I removed him from social media so am missing snooping on him and getting messages from him. As sad as that sounds.

I have another guy very keen and pursuing me, and I'm not interested in him. The worst thing is I know I feel about him how my crush feels about me. So every time he texts I'm not in a rush to reply, or forget to reply because I'm not bothered/don't prioritise him. That's exactly what my crush does with me, but even though I know he doesn't want me I'm still hopeful. Pathetic.

I know we spoke briefly yesterday but it was literally one word responses from me and barely anything said so I'm counting it as NC, and on day 4 now...

I'm a lot better thank you! It comes in waves but it no longer feels unmanageable. I've been trying to keep busy and I went on a 'date' on Sunday which was lovely. It highlighted that I am probably not ready to date (when he nipped to the loo/bar I just wished my ex would be the one coming back) but I do feel better for it. I am mostly okay, I am normal at work and back to interacting and having jokes etc. I cant really be on my own though that is my downfall. I'll be sat on my own and I'll think "oh no, that time went to such and such a place" but as soon as I think it I'm able to think of something bad that happened also to keep me grounded. Actually, the relationship was abusive and that keeps me going.

I know it will continue to be hard at times but the initial feeling of sickness and dread is going. I am moving house (with my parents) next week too, so it will be like a fresh start and I won't have to drive past 'our' house twice daily! And I will be in a room he hasnt slept in, a kitchen we haven't cooked in together etc so the memories and associations will fade.

How are you doing?

Broken, well done. You’re sounding much more positive. Welcome newcomers. I’m on day 21 now of NC whatsoever after 11 month relationship. I think I’m nearly there. I have the odd sneaky look on his FB (haven’t today) but that’s just because I’m nosey. I don’t think about him all day now. I’m just going about my life happily the same as I did before. I’m actually looking forward to the weekend now rather than dreading it. This will be 5th weekend apart. It’s easier for me, shorter relationship and no DC but this is possible and you will feel better. Those of you on very early days stay strong and focused. There will be very dark and difficult days but there is light at the end and you will be happy again. Dolly try not to reply. I know you say you want to speak to him but you’ll get more hurt if you do. It sets you back. Try to withdraw and look after yourself and your own feelings

Afternoon everyone. Hope your day is going as well as it can.

LizaJane85- You can do this! I know how hard it is. My mind goes into overdrive literally the minute I open my eyes and it doesn't stop until I close them. Just know that each day this will get less and less. Keep it in the day.

Meowimacat- I replied. He said that his emotions had settled and he would like to meet and chat once he is home from a business trip. Along with the usual, I miss you, I care etc. I said that I hoped he was okay also and thought that also a chat would be a good idea now the initial anger has gone. He replied back but I ignored and am not planning on messaging again to initate meeting up. Day 4 is amazing. Keep it up! I know the other guy who likes you is probably the last person on your mind right now but remind yourself that there are people out there who like you, who want you and you are worth it!

Brokenstrings- It is good that you're realising that you're not ready to date yet but it was a good experience and again will make you realise that there are men out there who are gonna worship the ground you walk on!

Aminuts23- I replied. sigh Day 21 is amazing. I take my hat off to you. You go girl.

Well it was NC day 3 for me. After a very sad morning feeling all the emotions under the sun I started to feel okay and put my phone away. I take it back out and bam he text me. Men have a sensor I swear.. I didn't reply to his last message and am not planning on initiating contact. Off to therapy for the first time tonight. Something I should have done years ago. Looking forward to talking to someone who doesn't know me.

Chin up ladies. Hugs to you all.x

So lovely to see everyone on here tonight! Thank you for all your responses. Housing officer meeting went well. Should be in my own place within 3 to 6 months.
Saw xh this morning which did set me back slightly but that’s it for a week! I’m hoping in time I’ll get stronger
Love to all you gorgeous ladies!

Day 1 and a bit for me. I'm meant to send him pics of DD every day but haven't. It bothers me that he hasn't chased it up.

I also broke things off with my Tinder guy because I'm just not ready to date. I explained and he was very understanding and wants to be friends etc etc. So that's a bit of an ego boost, he's clearly keen as mustard. Gives me a bit if insight into what STBXH is doing too- I find I purposely leave Tinder guy's WhatsApp messages unread for 30mins or so so he isn't waiting for the blue tick and a response, I guess that's why I was getting left on unread too.

I am doingO K thanks although i picked up my IPad from repair today and was looking at some old photos where he looked alot healthier and we looked so happy.
Exbf is a chronic alcoholic we were together properly for two years (although I have known him for many years) but as he has deterioriated he has ended up socialising only with active addicts and our lives became more polarised. A small part of me hoped we could get back on track but about 11 days ago he dropped the bombshell that he was in a relationship with another alcoholic who had been in thorn in the side of our attempts to get back on track. Right until he told me we had been meeting regularly although I had spurned his advances as I had issues with the fact he was close friends with her and I was suspicious about what was going on as I knew she had the hots for him.
His life resembles something between Jeremy Kyle and Shameless and I want no part of that - he has made a choice to follow that life and mix with seriously dodgy people including her!

I am devasted though but am not going to undignify myself with contacting him - he has lied and cheated and deceived me. He wanted to remain friends but I can't do that. so just have to move forward the best I can. I have a ring he gave me and was wondering whether to send ti back to him but don't think I will.

Its so sad as he wanted to get married but I realised that couldn't happen unti l he got his life back on track. I have dcs that can't be around that sort of person.

I was hoping to get counselling to deal with the fallout from this but don't think I can afford it so hope it will help getting it out here.

Good luck for today everyone! Counting today as my first day after restarting NC as I spoke to him about stuff yesterday morning, let’s do this! ( I’m a mess on the inside by the way)

Good morning everyone! Day 1 NC again for me. Therapy last night was weird. Was good to hear myself talk about things out loud though but again has confused the hell out of me.

We can do it ladies

Pogmella- Ofcourse he is keen as mustard! Good that you gave it a go and now know you are not ready.

heartnothead- My mum is an alcoholic. Addicts are the most selfish people out there and will not recover unless they want to. It is hard to step back and watch but otherwise it is like hitting your head against a brick wall. Did you end up sending him pictures of DD? Could you afford one session of therapy? I had my first last night and even just talking briefly on subjects have helped. Also you could try CODA meetings? This is for the friends and family members of alcoholics. It has a massive support system.

LizaJane85- You can do it! Each day will get beter and less painful.

Love to you all

Dolly- glad therapy went well for you. I often wonder if it’s something that might help me. Have a doctors appointment next week so might mention it to them and see what they suggest.

LizaJane85- I have spoke to the doctors before in regards to therapy and either felt they didnt take me seriously or the waiting was too long. How are you feeling? Half way through day 1. We can do it

Thanks for your comments Dolly they are helpful.

We don’t have DC together thankfully. I didn’t send the photos to him so now Day 12 or 13 NC and yes it’s getting easier.

So we can do it

heartnothead- Sorry I put the photo comment in the wrong section. Bloody men! They honestly seem more hassle then they're worth. My ex said that he wanted to meet after he got home on Friday. He sent the message yesterday, I replied and he tried to engage in conversation but I ignored. Not going to message him about meeting up. I will wait till I hear from him. Trying to keep busy and I am planning on pampering myself by getting my nails done. Let me know how you're all feeling!

Hey dolly, yeah I’m not feeling too bad. Read a lot about the NC rule and some articles say it’s an effective tool to get an ex back. I am definitely using it to get over mine! They liken your feelings for an ex to an addiction, and if you cut yourself off it’s essentially starving the addiction. I liked that theory

Liza I don’t feel like I’m getting back at him. I’m doing this for me. Day 23 now. Heart is right about it getting easier. It’s so true as that constant reminder (well headfuck) is losing power over you bit by bit x

I meant get an ex back as in get back together with him