30 days no contact - Thread no 2

[Mumanddadtoone]

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

I don’t feel stronger autumn. Today if anything I feel back to square one. Dd is home now but every time I see him I go to pieces

Liza can you get someone else to do handovers for a while. Give you some space? I’m day 19 and I’m getting better every day now. I realised earlier I’ve not looked to check if/when he was online at all today because I don’t care

Sorry liza it’s awful with kids too, of course you feel terrible. But you are keeping going. That’s the strong bit. Getting through each day even though you want to go crazy.

pogmella sounds sensible. Concentrate on doing what custody arrangements you feel works best. Good luck.

Thanks autumn. I went on a Tinder date but now I realise it was way too soon. It was a fun afternoon though. I'm just still a mess at handover with DD.

I was fine until I had to see him when he dropped dd off. Logistically there is no one who can do handovers for me. I’m just left wondering where has he gone now. What is he doing. It drives me insane!!!!

Hi guys I've read this whole thread and just want to send you all love, you're amazing what you're all going through.

My situation is different to yours but I hope I can join the thread anyway. I wasn't actually in a relationship with the guy I am NC with. Basically he is a crush I've had for about 7/8 months, we see each other regularly and he really has led me on. I guess I was in a vulnerable place when we met, single mum coming out of a long relationship and I feel like he really took advantage of that.

We get on so well and he made me feel so special to hook me in, but in reality he doesn't care about me. He sends me messages daily (on Snapchat) so last night after months of regular chatting on there, I blocked him - which is HUGE for me. 24 hours on and I'm still upset about it when I don't even think he's realised I'm not on there anymore, or if he has he doesn't care.

I will have to see him every now and then but I think removing him from social media is a massive step for me - I now can't see his updates and check up on him like a psycho. Just need to stop checking his whatsapp online status now as I last messaged him yesterday and he just ignored it so I need to realise he just doesn't care and was using me for an ego boost.

I guess it helps the fact that he isn't messaging me as it just shows he didn't care, but that hurts so much too. I'm going to miss that high I get from seeing his name pop up with a message. I sound so pathetic I know.

My advice to those of you saying about social media and how their posts make you angry is to just remove them. It's SO hard to do, but in the long run it will just make the process of moving on a lot easier and quicker (I hope!)

Hey meow welcome. I hope you’re ok. I unfollowed him today which was a big step for me. He’s an utter shit and now with almost 3 weeks NC and clarity I realise he’s just full of crap. Sanctimonious self absorbed bullshit. My actual friends who care about me could not be more different and I value them so much. Down to earth, nice, normal people. I need them and they’re there, always have been. I’m seeing the light now x

So here I go, officially day 1 of my NC. This is like my 3td attempt but I’m more determined now, especially since it’s been a month today since he ended things. Time to start claiming my life back for me and my little girl

LizaJane sounds like we're in exactly the same place. I'm considering making today Day 1...

Let’s do it together pogmella, I need to start doing something or I’m gonna go insane! I’m literally just gonna talk to him about dd and that’s it.

Good girl Liza. Stay strong. And you pogmella x

It’s hard though isn’t it? I don’t actually think I’ve come to terms with the fact it’s over and I don’t know how to. I really hope this gets easier.

Come on girls start day 1 today, this is day 2 for me and he's already liked something on my Instagram - he'd never do that usually as he doesn't use it so I'm surprised he has. Must be because I deleted him off other social media and that is the last thing he has. Usually i'd be pleased he liked something of mine as it's a rarity, but I'm just fed up of being used and played about so this is just another last ditch attempt for him to hook me in again.
I have to see him next week too that will be hard, but decided to avoid seeing him this week.
Aminuts23 well done on the unfollowing, it really is the best thing even if it's hard at first. I'm glad you're starting to see he's full of crap, that's where I'm trying to get to and not get sucked back into thinking he's great...when realistically he's not.

Meow this is exactly the stage I want to be at. I’m constantly thinking about where he is and what he is doing etc when he isn’t even worth the headspace I am giving him! NC going well so far today. Have to see him tomorrow morning though to drop off dd car seat ( he still hasn’t got one) and I’m dreading it. I don’t know how to act or anything

How are you doing Liza? I saw your other thread and someone says a month for every year! That may well be right you know. Tomorrow it’s a month since I saw mine and today is day 20 NC and I think I’m getting there. I feel so much better. I was out at the weekend (shamefully Fri, Sat and Sun) and was chatted up/flirted with all 3 nights by the same man. And do you know what, it was fine. I was flattered and he actually piqued my interest a bit. I don’t know enough about him to date and I’m not ready to date but I liked the attention and I didn’t dismiss the idea out of hand. Progress I think

Liza can you leave the car seat outside and just message him to say it's there? It's so hard when you have to see them isn't it :( I have to work with mine a couple of days a week for a bit so we then start up conversations and it quickly goes back into fun and flirty and then when we go our separate ways he drops off the face of the earth again. But at the time we're together he makes out like he can't wait to see me again, even last time telling me he'd come into work the following day to see me even though he wasn't working which I stupidly partly believed he would - he didn't. Sigh.

Aminuts so glad to hear 20 days has got you to feeling a bit better...day 2 has been tough for me so only 18 more to go. lol! Have you got the guy who chatted you ups number? It's hard to want to meet someone new when you're still hung up on someone. I have a guy wanting to take me out but I am comparing him to knob head that I like and he doesn't compare right now....argh. Definite progress for you though, so happy to hear that :)

Meow I don’t have his number but he’s just started work in my local so I’ll see him at weekend probably. He’s probably just a massive player but the attention was nice. Made a change anyway. I was very surprised that I wasn’t horrified/ hung up on the ex. First tiny steps to normality I suppose

Ami - well done on unfollowing 👍. Check you out with your man attention!! It's nice to flirt with someone and also shows that you are moving on, such a good feeling. I'm one of those people who can mope forever over someone - hate being that way.

userxx thanks! I’m sure I’ll still have plenty of down days but he’s not in my head all the time anymore. And yes flirting was a right ego boost. Totally unexpected too

I’ve never really been a moper but I find when I’m down I’m best not to be on my own. Can you fill your evenings with friends or activities?

Make sure there's no garlic on your pizza this Friday night 😜. No harm in flirting and if you get a large wine out of him instead of a medium one, bonus!!

Yeah I need to fill my time up more, that's definitely the problem, too much time to overthink things that really aren't important.

Userxx 😂😂😂 cheeky

😎😎😎. Right I've started filling the diary - get busy and stop being a major moper. Tis my new mantra.

I’m joining you all! I did consider his attempts at wanting to meet with me, but today I realized that some of the things he does that I find hard are never going to go away.

He has an older daughter that is very entitled, I’ve tried for many years to befriend, or just give her space etc. She stirs up I’ll feeling and ignores me. Just one of those things I’ve decided, just tried to give them time, back off etc.

But no matter how badly she behaves, my Ex blames me even for just feeling upset. Today, he cancels our evening out at the last minute because his DD wanted him to help her with something (non urgent). and then got cross with me because I looked upset.

Crumbs! We need to be put first sometimes!

Back to NC

Autumn you deserve far better than that. I think dating a single parent you have to get used to not being number 1 but this sounds unreasonable dumping you at last minute. My ex had DC and it was the first time I’d dated a single dad more seriously. Not always the easiest but it wouldn’t put me off. How long were you together?