30 days no contact - Thread no 2

[Mumanddadtoone]

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

Ami - 🍸🍸 nice Pinot going down very well I must say.

userxx 🍸🍸 Chardonnay here, pizza in the oven - wild times 😂

Ha ha I've just eaten the cheesy garlic bread that's comes free with orders over £12........ from last night 😏. Now that is pushing it to the limit of wildness!! It's a miserable night anyway, couldn't be bothered going out to be honest.

userxx haha. I’m still toying with the idea of going out or going to watch tv in bed. What a choice! If I go out it’s to the old mans local. Gets me out of the house I suppose but then again wine and bed sounds tempting 😉

I think you should go out, as you say gets you out for a bit. I really need to give myself a kick up the arse and make more of an effort, hate these dark nights and we are only just into them. Staying in definitely feeds the over thinking.

It does I agree! He keeps popping on FB so he’s not out either. I hope he feels miserable as hell. I do. They’re not going out for another hour. I’ll see how I feel. It will stop me looking at FB anyway x

Hello everyone,

I’ve been following the thread for a while. Thought it was time to post. Day 15 of NC and Day 19 since he left after a particularly bad argument. I initially begged him to come back, but he showed a horrible side that I have never seen before and became extremely disrespectful towards me. It was then I realised I needed to stop begging and pleading, and just leave him to cool down, and try to get myself together. As time goes on though, I’m becoming more and more angry that he would let it get this far.

Fridays are especially hard, because he would leave work early and go to pick up his son (my stepson), bring him home, and I would look forward to planning a family weekend, and us having time together as a couple.

We have one child together who he hasn’t seen since he left, and I have children from a previous who think of him as ‘Dad’. They are confused and sad he’s gone, and we are all just plodding on day by day, slowly getting used to his absence. But I am struggling doing it alone.

I feel even more angry that it was my stepson’s birthday recently and he refused us all contact with him, despite the fact that we have always celebrated it together. And instead has been living and bringing him to my mother in law’s house - a very toxic woman who we both had no contact with, until it was convenient for him, of course!

Bastard!

Nosugar welcome. Sorry to hear this. You’ll get nothing but support here. How sad for your DSS and your DC. Do you think it’s over? The weekly triggers are awful aren’t they? I just have to get my head down and get through weekends until Sunday now then the cloud lifts

Hi Nosugar, this is a really great thread and you'll get nothing but support here. Sorry you're going through it (and your dc). Getting to day 15 is a great achievement, it's so easy to give in and make contact. Hope the weekend passes quickly for you, it always seems easier during the week.

Ami I like your spin on the break up, I hope it gets back to him. You definitely sound stronger, he is really going to regret his actions, maybe not immediately, but I think he will.

Mumanddad how are you? Any news? Is it the party this weekend?

Yes, party tonight, I seem to be feeling ok, very weird as I didn't expect to feel this ok this soon. I still have a wobble or two each day but they don't last for long. Think I've just realised that he didn't make me happy, so I'm not losing anything. I still don't want any contact with him though.

Thank you Ami and Mumanddad. This really is a great thread, it’s helped me along for the past couple of weeks.

I think this time it is really over, or it is going past the point of no return. The day he left, I tried to call him and he swore at me, and said lots of very hurtful things he has never said before in all the years we have been together. He hasn’t apologised. I feel a bit like the person I was with has actually died, and been replaced with an arse!

The triggers are horrendous. I’ve felt so low for the past couple of days, just building up to the weekend, because I know I will want to beg him to come back. I hope he makes an effort for our child, but at the moment I don’t know what could possibly be going on in his mind.

Roll on Monday (words I never thought I would say...)

Yes, it doesn't feel right wishing the weekend away but I think we all do it to some extent. No matter how bad you are feeling, it DOES get better. I read somewhere that if nobody ever recovered from heartbreak then everyone would be in pieces for ever, it's really hard to get through to the other side but it's there waiting for us. Try and stay as busy as you can, it does help to keep occupied. Post here if you need someone to talk to, we all know how you feel.

Welcome Sugar, it sounds like you are doing really well. It does sound a bit like the person you knew has gone, he hasn't contacted you about your child?! That's unbelievable. I am angry that my ex hasn't contacted me to ask how "our" dog is, nevermind a child!

Sounds like everyone is doing well, especially considering it is Friday. I too never thought I would be wishing the weekend away!

It is nice and reassuring reading you all say we will get through this. Even though i know it's true it's nice to be reminded.

I’m drunk and a bit angry but ok x

Ami - how you feeling today?

I’m alright. I’m full of anger though. Don’t know why really. I need to let it go. It’s the thought of him carrying on as normal pretending he’s a nice guy and being everyone’s mate when I want to scream from the roof that he’s a phoney fake bastard

Hope everyone’s Friday nights were ok! My dd is with her dad so I went out to dinner with friends. Was nice to be/act normal for a couple of hours.
I’m failing again at NC. I just have so many questions I want answered! STBXH is messaging all these girls too that I used to get annoyed about. It’s like he ended it so that he could just live his life how he wants and that I was holding him back. It’s like he has chosen his single life as preferable to one with his family. And that hurts. He swears he is just friends with this one girl in particular but I’m not so sure.
I also read somewhere that it takes you half the length of your relationship to get over your break up. I was with him 8 years! Does that mean it’s gonna take me 4 years??? That’s insane.
Anyway, hope everyone enjoys their Saturdays, I’m off to see Shane Filan (lead guy from Westlife) on concert. A tad excited I must say

Glad you had a good night Liza and tonight sounds fab! Enjoy!

I’ve persevered with the NC but I know exactly what you mean about wanting answers. I’m inexplicably fuming this weekend. If that’s true about the length of time to get over it (hopefully not) I’ve another 5 months to go. I don’t think that’s right at all. I was only with him a year, I don’t want to be much longer getting over it. He’s a bloody wanker

Ami, hold onto the anger! It is sure as hell better than feeling sad all the time. Have you got any plans today?

I think I’m putting my ex on this pedestal when really all he was a lazy, selfish arsehole and he would probably love me to take 4 years getting over him but I don’t want to give him the satisfaction! He obviously hasn’t taken long to get over me! These men do my head in! No way am I letting this man break me. As I’ve said before it’s a month Monday, time to start looking forward and bloody stop texting him! What a moron I am

Liza you are not a moron at all but yes make Monday a fresh start. I’m going to start again now. My anger is subsiding now. I’m just having a coffee then I’m going to blitz my house. Do my ironing, get a wash on, cook something nice and chill out. I nearly deleted him off FB this morning. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I should just do it, I hate him today. But I don’t want to miss any self pity posts when they come. What a sad sack I am

Ami, you aren’t a sad sack! Everything you are feeling is normal. Glad you have a busy day planned, it’s good to keep occupied.
I’ve unfollowed my ex but am thinking about blocking him too. I’m constantly checking when he was last online and then I can tell he’s been talking these girls, although the truth is he’s probably just speaking to mates! And why do I care so much???

Hi everyone
I'm away from home this weekend visiting my lovely sister
Next weekend I have a Work's dinner & birthday party to go to
I went back to my yoga class this week for the first time in months and that was really good. I feel like I've started to re-engage a bit with life
But I'm still feeling pretty sad, sore and sorry. I wish I could get to the stage where I look back and say, well that was lovely... I'm still mostly stuck at why did it have to end.
On the plus side- looking back at journals of the earlier Weeks, i can see improvement
I don't think I'm cut out for relationships. I really don't think I could go through this again in the future. Worst breakup of my life.

Hi Molly, don't think I've spoken to you before, hope you're doing okay. It sounds like you have a lot of fun things planned which should help take your mind of things. On the plus side you may never have to go through this again!

I am not having a good day again today. I can't stop thinking about him and I am associating everything with him. I still can't eat. I barely sleep because I wake up with that awful feeling of sickness and dread. I am so angry at how someone I loved and trusted implicitly can just do this to someone they spent so much time with.

Hi Molly, glad you’re having a nice weekend. I’m just fuming today, I can’t shake it. I don’t even think it’s the split. He actually wasn’t right for me and it wasn’t going anywhere long term. I wouldn’t have chosen to end it right then but maybe eventually.

It’s what he did!! How fucking dare he treat ME like that! Stringing me along into a holiday then treating me so badly when we were there. Pretending to be my DP when in his tiny mind it was over! It’s OUTRAGEOUS!! And yet he’s swanning around pretending to be some nice, laid back, friendly guy! I just want to yell at him and tell everyone that’s he’s an absolute PRICK! I shall not of course but when the opportunity presents itself I shall start telling people he knows exactly what he is, I shall tell them he’s actually not a nice guy at all! Fucking dickhead he is! Sorry for the language but if I don’t post it here I’ll send it to him and I’m trying to retain dignity