Boyfriend is ridiculously tight with money

[NewBrian]

Would being this ‘careful’ with money be enough for you to get rid of a boyfriend? We’re both mid twenties, I’m ok financially (not a drain on him), he’s very sorted financially. Recent examples that have annoyed me.

1. Expecting us to sleep in a car after a day out in London save paying for a hotel.
2. Will only buy reduced food, even if doesn’t like it much.
3. Constantly reminding me I owed him £10 after he’d stayed at mine all week.
4. If we go out together we must split everything equally down to the penny.

This is someone that has tens of thousands in the bank and a good job! Seems to be a family trait, his dad is a LL, most of his properties are in London but he walks round in the same battered pair of shoes.

I rarely comment on threads, but Christ he sounds insane. When I met DH he was super generous and still is in many respects, but as other PPs upthread have said, having DC and dropping from 2 salaries to one can make even the most spendthrifty bloke a tightwad, penny pincher. If he is this tight now, imagine the stress and strain if you had kids with him...Get rid, sharpish.

I'd much prefer him to someone who spent more than they earned.

I'd prefer someone who wasn't tight as a duck's bum hole or as loose as a wizard's sleeve. Someone nice and normal.

Such an unappealing quality. I couldn’t be with someone like that. Having the same attitude to money (or at least very similar) is important. It can cause huge issues otherwise.

The reason he has thousands in the bank is because he is a tight arse.

On the other hand, marry him, hire a hitman to take care of his dad, wait for inhertitence then divorce and take half the money, marry me (I'll divorce my dh first!) and hen we can live a life of luxury, spending as we wish?!

Or just
LTB

Fgs what are his redeeming qualities?

Sleep in the car?? Really?? I'd have walked into the nearest hotel at that point and out of his life.

Dump him OP .Meaness is the most unattractive of traits and a life with him would be utterly joyless.

I think being mean is one of the worst traits, to be honest. Generosity, on the other hand, gladdens the soul.

Could not be with someone like this. How awful.

No way.

Run a mile and don't look back.

Future bleak with this tight bastard- only going to get worse as time goes on.

Fuck him off straight away.

Get rid of him, and do not have children with him. Mean with money people are always mean of spirit, too. Don't tie yourself to someone who will not make you happy.

One of my ex's was a miser, his freeloading was awful. I'd feel so ashamed. He wanted to retire asap but the low quality food, crap dates, birthdays, Christmas, holidays - miserable. Some of his ways were economical, others just mean.

I think I next went out with a big spender as a reaction. That just led to debt, stupid loans, arguments about over spending and suicidal thoughts.

Eww I dated a man like that and whenever we arrived at the pub, he'd rush to the toilet so he didn't have to buy a round.

So unappealing and it usually goes hand in hand with being quite dull and unspontaneous.

He'd also insist on turning lights off when you left a room, rarely put his heating on and the nail in the coffin was when he methodically put a towel down before sex.

My dsis married similar.
She managed to loosen the purse strings a little but his tight mean ways have definitely rubbed off on her. We believe the only attraction to him was his parents bank balance!
She is now not going back to work after dc3. Good luck with that!

Mean is not an attractive quality - please say you didn't sleep in the car? whilst he logged onto his online banking stroking the balance

I’m frugal and that seems crazy.

He could sleep on the car as many times as he likes I would have been in a hotel on my own and in the first train home without him.

There's tight and there's selfish inconsiderate misers!

Get rid before you are driven mad.

Splitting things 50/50 I understand, I can somewhat get buying reduced food but no way would I be ok with sleeping in a car and I'd be pissed about him making such a fuss over a tenner when he's in no way short for cash.

Honestly, I'd get rid. This has alarm bells ringing all over it.

He wouldn't do for me .

Get the fuck out and now!

How well do you know him? Perhaps he's lying about his wealth and his good job and he actually doesn't have a pot to piss in.

I find it hard to comprehend. You've got to get some enjoyment out of your money, otherwise what's the point in having it?

A PP has suggested working through it, talking it through etc. If there were any real practical ties, if there were suspected MH issues, if it was more a reactionary extreme frugality due to low income, then - absolutely.

Taking pride in meanness and revelling in saving money at the expense of his own and, more importantly, his relatively new girlfriend who he should be showing his best side to? No way.

Sorry OP - but run run run! I'm all for saving a few quid but really ... also v unattractive (rather like sleeping in a car!)

I know a couple like this, they are sort of competitive with each other in their meanness. One will claim to have gone a week without spending any money and the other will also have gone a week without spending and found 50p on the ground.

I asked the husband once how their Christmas has been and he told me it was excellent because they'd found white sliced bread reduced to 5p on Christmas Eve and had bought enough to see them into January.

They seem happy enough together which is handy as neither would splash out in a divorce, but they would make the life of any normal person miserable.

Don't be with a man who makes you unhappy.

Sleep in a car would do it for me. I've had to sleep in cars, because I was fucking homeless! Anyone who does this to be tight would be long gone. Seriously, you have to ask? Get rid and do the Freedom Programme before you date again and just say no to people like this.

Meanness is second only to domestic violence in my book. OK, third, after unfaithfulness.
It's deeply, deeply unattractive.
Mean people don't tend to change on the whole. Because they don't see anything wrong with it -- in their eyes they are clever and sensible with money, thrifty and good managers. And they're usually proud of that.
But they are entirely focussed on money and the saving of it, and the minimal spending of it.

Please take heed about what others have said if you are ever in the unfortunate position of having to depend on him for money, for example if you have children.
And after you go back to work, are you confident he will pay his share for feeding, housing, educating and clothing them? Or will he moan when they need new clothes when they've outgrown stuff too quickly, or need equipment and subs for activities, clubs and so on?

As someone upthread said, they suck all the joy out of life. Do you want to spend your life with someone like that?