The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

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Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

SMM it doesn't have to. Mine doesn't. Or rather didn't!

Happn is totally stalkerish, but I do know a couple people who met their partners on it. Guess it stops all the long distance stuff.

Purple Tinder's whole platform is based off facebook (although people create fake facebook profiles to use it) how did you create your profile then? Really interested - didn't know there was a work around!

I have a new iron - Mr BBC (his voice reminds me of a BBC presenter). He's crazy busy but we've set a date for next Friday.

Mr Irish is apparently back from Ireland today but I've stopped initiating contact and he's gone quiet so not keeping my hopes up.

Had that random iron pop up yesterday but he's already gone quiet so I think I'll block him if he pops up again. And I've decided to drop a loooooooong term iron who is the king of breadcrumbing & submarining. He works overseas a lot and despite talking on and off for ages we've only met a couple of times. He's home at the moment and hasn't made plans to see me so I've decided to just stop it and then I can just mentally let it go. Thinking I might just let things play out with Irish and BBC but stay off the apps for a bit.

Hi all.

Niki met a man IRL?! Revolutionary! That's still my dream... Heard anything back?

Phoenix Mr BBC... Ok love a deep rich voice And well done for playing it cool with Mr Irish... Stand firm!

Been what news?!

Well I bit the bullet and text Mr HNL back with an assertive but nice and sexy message saying I've had a good time with him but expect the courtesy of a message back in a reasonable time frame. Also that I'd leave it with him and ended message describing a virtual snog #slutty Anyway he replied, apologised for being rubbish due to work and interviews and we're meeting for coffee this aft and to talk about whatever our relationship is. Said he liked my message and the way I handle myself. God I've got the horn for him!

Well done Couch! Its good to be direct

Phoenix when I set it up it asked if I wanted to connect via Facebook or not. I went not! Really didn’t want any connection going on there!

And can I also say Phoenix, thank you for last week, and everyone else. Your straight approach really made me take a step back and enjoy it and stop overthinking.
We are on 3 weeks today and too many dates to count! I’m off of all OLD sites and excited! Fingers so firmly crossed!
We seem to be completely on the same page on lots of things whilst still maintaining differences which will keep it interesting.

Love and others - I’m not sure how to quite ask this question without seeming awful! But if you have kids and don’t have much additional support with them, like people babysitting etc do you ever feel slightly trapped and a tad resentful of being the main carer? I feel so bad saying that but can’t shake the feeling.

I have a potential new iron from OKcupid. I'll call him MrTall. Same sort of interests and he's been quite chatty over messages. I'm not sure if I fancy him from his photos (sounds awful I know but I think there has to be some sort of physical attraction) but I've asked if he'd like to meet for a quick drink to see if there's any chemistry in real life.

I think nowadays I prefer to meet as soon as possible. Means I can't over invest.

purple that sounds great, it's looking good so fingers crossed.

@couchtospecialk yes it is weird to meet irl now isnt it!

Just chatting via text. Im holding back though. Not sure

Women ghost too I'm afraid, the idea that women behave better is in my experience a complete fallacy. And lgbt friends involved in the scene for longer than me confirm. Add in fewer possible matches and it's a nightmare!

Tinder now lets you create a login the old fashioned way without Facebook hence I was able to lose the will to live for 24 hours.

Purple that sounds so great. I'm so pleased things are working out well. It's so hard to relax into being with someone else when you've been through so much lying and deceit. I think it will be at least a year into a relationship before I start to feel emotionally safe. I would love to be able to visually capture how carefree and trusting I was before XH's affair and compare it to me now so that XH could really see and understand the damage that his cowardice caused. I think I'd commission a Grayson Perry pot one half bright and fun with upbeat words and the other side with negative words and smudged dark colours smeared over the bright stuff.

I have no news. There was no messaging with Mr TaiChi yesterday. The ball's unequivocally in his court to propose dates so I'll wait. I can't do half-arsed texting and until I see him so that I can gauge his thoughts from his body language I don't really want to suggest old-fashioned dating. Plus he might have plumped up or something . So I'll wait.

In the meantime I'm scooting through POF for new irons and desperately dreaming that recent ex will be in touch to tell me he's binned the booze, left his job (so no FWB contact) and got over his various other foibles and wants to travel the world with me. I had to write one of those unsent letters to him last night telling him how much I miss him. God that man smelt so good.

I'm not convinced I'm in a good place for a relationship but I don't think I'll really know until I see Mr TaiChi; that's probably why I'm not fussed about pinning him down for a date. At the moment I feel like I'm cheating on recent ex... how fucked up is that?

Hi guys, can I join? I posted a couple of days ago about the weirdest online dating experience I think I've had. Linked below

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a3054923-Online-dating-weirdness?msgid=72485402#72485402

I'm still scratching my head about it and wondered if any of you lovely people had any insights cause I don't. I know I shouldn't be wasting any mental energy on it but I'm beyond confused and wonder how other peoples minds actually work.

I'm taking a break from old at the moment (well apart from a couple of contacts I've already swapped numbers with).

I'm a young single mum with four children. I don't work but recently graduated and I'm planning on either going into postgraduate study next year or work.

I feel very judged online, I get a lot of messages and most are polite but some have been very rude about my situation. I have a thick skin but feel a break is in order right now.

I'm just wondering what do you all think? Because of my situation should I not be trying to meet someone online? Will all men see me in a negative light?

C'estlavie no clue! I recall reading your thread and going . Think of it as a lucky escape and a relatively easy lesson in the number one OLD sin - do not over-invest as it's all BS until it happens! He was a stranger writing his story. Chances are he had another date lined up and instead of being a bit more intelligent about it he defaulted to the OLD Basket of Excuses, namely: food poisoning, hospital, fell off ladder, lost phone, child/dog used up phone battery and then posted pics to contradict himself and prove he's a prize twat. Be thankful you hadn't ended up shagging him.

Rosareine how do people on-line know enough about your life to be rude?

Thanks Been.

But why lie when there was really no need. He even carried the lie on for a couple of days saying how dreadful he felt and how much his wrist hurt. If you really don't want to meet up either just disappear or fade away over time or just say you don't want to meet up to begin with. Is it really that hard. What a first class dick he is.

Anyway love reading about all you dating experiences on OLD. I have deleted all my profiles for now and just concentrating on myself. I would love to be in a relationship but the energy and brain space it takes up is too much especially when it doesn't pan out. I've had one too many of those situations - I don't enjoy it anymore.

*Beenthere
*
For profession I have student listed, and so I don't have the awkward conversation about having four children, it says on the profile (before I wrote this most men assumed it was one child). I have thought about taking it off but it saves a lot of time having it there.

rosar ,what do you mean your situation? Do you mean because your a single parent and not working? I'm sure most women on OLD are in a similar position, when I first went on there I was a non working single parent, I'm sure some people do judge but not many, the ones that do are not worth your time. I have 2 children and 3 step children (grown up now but I still have contact), if people don't like it then it's tough. I think it's best to be honest in your profile without giving away too many details.

CestLa sounds like you have had a lucky escape, sounds like this man is a professional story teller, not the kind of bloke you need in your life. Don't let it get you down, sadly OLD can be like this, it's important not to get any hopes up before actually meeting someone as they could turn out to be someone completely different or they could just disappear off the face of the earth. I think ththink s is why it's good to have more than one iron on the go at a time, if one vanishes you then have another to take your mind off of things.

C'estlavie we all need breaks from OLD - sifting profiles and juggling chats is like having a second job sometimes and it's wearing. I tend to manage a few weeks before I'm mentally drained and hide my profile then hope and curiosity get the better of me. The key thing is that OLD is not your be all and end all - that you have other stuff going on.

Rosareine hopefully most people will not "judge" however some men will be put off by the fact that you have four kids (if they are young even more so), other men will be put off by the fact that you are not working.

If people are looking for a relationship it is understandable that they think about the practicalities of time and money so you may get questions about that. I would be wary of getting into a serious relationship with a man whose financial situation is radically different to mine.

Of course you may have a massive private income and a full time nanny but most people will assume not.

Not all men will be put off, and much depends on the specifics of your circumstances whether this is the right time for you to OLD.

With four kids and studies do you have time for OLD?

I have always found it tough to decide whether to mention my kids on my profile. To start with I didn't for privacy, but later I added something to avoid time wasting.

Purple possibly "resent" is too strong but I am very aware that my ex threw himself into OLD the minute he moved out whereas I waited literally years partly because I had all the practical stuff to deal with regarding the house and kids.

I love the fact that my kids live with me most of the time but the fact that I have them 12 nights out 14 means that dating has always been a hell of lot easier for my ex than it is for me. And yes that is irritating even though I wouldn't really want it any different.

I'm currently not attempting to date because I don't feel I have enough energy for it at the moment, I am focusing on family and work.

I'm also non- working single mum. Anyone that has a problem with that can fuck off. It especially pissed/pisses me off when men my age (and I put past tense too because I've felt this since my mid 30's to be honest) are expecting to meet someone with model looks a good job and no kids when they themselves are no oil painting, at best in nmw job and are nrp's!! Ffs be realistic!

Guy I was chatting with on okc hasn't messaged for a couple days so not expecting to hear from him again, others that have messaged haven't been for me (we matched on questions but through chatting discovered not compatible), one has ltr as what he's seeking but messaged me asking to be fwb (1st message! Even on my casual sex sites that's frowned upon!) THEN when I said no he asked if I knew anyone who does want fwb

Lots of likes but nobody messaging me. Yes I know I could message them but the point is I like people who are confident articulate types, especially in men.

Debating pof but last time they all just wanted a shag. Which as you know I'm not opposed to but I prefer to use other sites for that not one anyone can see my profile on.

Any other recommendations?

C'est la - I've recently had a similar experience myself - lesson - Google and search them before you believe anything.

User999 I'm 28, but mainly date men who are mid 30s. I've only dated men who have at least one child.

User9s your reference to financial hardship made me think of this article. It was posted on the 30-day NC thread and is so poignant it made me cry.

m.huffpost.com/uk/entry/16139946

Thanks guys. I did a little stalking and Googled his mobile number and it all feeds back to his Facebook and Instagram. His instagram is public so he must have known I could have easily had seen it but he appears his that brain dead then probably not.

I had thought that maybe he just posted old video's as I'm still shocked that someone can lie that badly.

What clueless twat. jog on....

Sorry user is me. Name changed from another thread. Will ask MN to delete it & I’ll post again!