SerialMistakeMaker Men, defiantly get ghosted, lots of times. At least I hope so (as I cant really talk for other men), because it has happened to me too. And personally I have got over invested a couple of times try as hard as I like not too.
I wonder if some of the problems with old is the sweet shop mentality of it all. You get chatting to someone, you like them, they like you. All is going great and the feedback is promising. You may even have even met them once or twice. But all of a sudden nothing, chat is minimum or they have gone to ground. I suspect in most cases (as they are still active on OLD) they have found/talking to someone they see as a better prospect. Then you are out with the old (get the pun). Or sort of kept dangling as a plan B, or they turn up out the blue a month down the line like nothing happened. I must admin the shoe on the other foot I understand it, sure most of you do too. Who hasn't been on OLD talking to a good prospect then further down the line found a new profile of someone that sounds amazing or is much more convenient? I suppose its only natural when you have 100s (depending where you live) of profiles to chose from.
Graphista I have spent a long time with a very open mind exporing the nature and compertion of relationships. I am like you not a jealous person. I have explored polygamy at great lengh. Originally on paper the more I though about it the more I thought it was perfect. I am not a jealous type, very open minded and perfectly happy to share. I don't suppose any of us belive in 'the one'? Remove us for our current life, plonk us anywhere in the world and there is a fair chance we would find love. So why restrict our self to only enjouying love, romance and companionship with one person when in our lifetime we may come across others who we could share happiness with? Now heres the problem I found. I know people who are/have been polygamous and through them met more. The more I found out about them the more I realised that polygamy very rarely works out long term and makes people happy. Interesting you said you would be happy as long as your the primary. From a couple of people I have met who have been primaries (one in straight and one in purely lesbian polygamous relationship) over time the 'primary' has slowly found their position undermined and replaced as their primary partner has grown more attached to another. Also polygamy is very hard work to do completely equally emotionally, organisationally and physically. So if you have kids or demanding things in your life you need to know if you could cope with the extra work load? Personally from my experience its a plausible idea on paper but rarely works well and makes people happy in practise. I would say very few people (including polygamous people) have a mind-set free enough for this to work.
I see swinging and other forms of open relationship more successful if you want to practise non monogamy. Generally the swinging side is more about enjoying sexual freedom well maintain an monogamous relationship in all other ways. Some relationships are a bit more open than that, allowing some other aspects but maintaining the only formal relationship is the couple. I think these formats have a lot more chance of being a successful life long non monogamous relationship than polygamy.
As I have said before I see relationships as a spectrum not a set of clear categories. But the world has set boxes. So a lot of our problems seem to come when these imaginary boundaries get blurred. After loads of exploring, soul searching and experimentation I have come full circle. For me the best solution if you seek a long term relationship is a traditional exclusive relationship (even if you grant others access to the bedroom if your that way inclined). Personally I found the freedom of sexual liberation, many no string relationships to much hard work, never feeling security and never being able to fully throw my self heart and soul into anything or anyone. Ironically the freedom this lifestyle offered on paper in the end sort of turned out oppressive and restricted in some ways.
I must admin since I decided to give contract my full attention, remove my self from old and give love a go my mental health as sored tenfold. I am really on a high and feel a tone more relaxed.
PhoenixMama I often find the what type of relationship searching for box on old is often irrelevant. I have met someone who put 'looking for relationship' on their profile who where just after a FB but didn't want to 'causal' in case people they knew saw the profile and judged them. I also found loads more women to chose from when I moved to finding someone for a relationship. Therefore there are far more women looking for a relationship rather than something causal. I suspect most men know this. So I would guess there are many men who say they want a relationship but in reality just looking to get laid.