The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

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Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Serial I can’t wait to hear as well. Hope it went well for her xx

Oh me too.

Surely it must be a good sign that we haven't heard from her yet?

Well good morning lovelies!

So last night was, in a word, fuckingamazing.

I arrived closer to 9, he made us dinner, we ate & talked (& played truth or dare lol) then there was a lot of dancing. Finally went to sleep at almost 5am! Then when we surfaced at 8 he made me coffee & breakfast & we talked even more. He then joined me on the tube to go into town. He literally just left.

We are exclusive. We talked about everything... something personal I didn’t want to hide from him, my worries about it being too soon for him, how we’ll deal with schedules & kids, why his marriage ended. What we’re both hoping for, he made comments about the future, city breaks we could do together.

He told me he really, really, REALLY, likes me. That he’s smitten and he feels that I bring out a totally different side of him (he can accept my compliments, can be silly & playful etc). We’ve agreed that we’ll just keep communicating & checking in with each other. I admitted that I tend to run away with things & given how recent his formal exit from his marriage was that we would take it as slowly as he needs to. We’re definitely on the same page & it was so nice hearing how much he thinks about me and how happy he is with me.

We still have a few hurdles to cover like the kids, and how much “him” time he needs but as i’m more in that area it’s more about when than if.

So I might almost be ready to venture that we’re in a thing!

Well Mr TaiChi is still gorgeous, funny and sexy. The 15 months since seeing each other just melted away, nothing was awkward and we laughed a lot. He loved my purple top too .

I laid out my NSA-to-relationship conundrum and said I didnt want NSA with him and it was ridiculously early to talk about a relationship but that I wanted to explore where we could go on an exclusive basis bearing in mind we each have other commitments draining our time. He didn't run away, didn't flinch and wasn't remotely surprised. He's in. He paid the bill when I disappeared to the loo and refused a contribution. He paid me compliments (as I did him) and said the way my hair fell was absolutely mesmerising. I've never been told that before and it worked - we got naked . Fuck he's lovely. Back at my place he stood up and asked me to dance to some latin music I had on. What a move! Then we dined and danced for quite a while. I think he's totally straight and does exactly what he says he'll do. He's really lovely and I'm enjoying a bit of post moose over-investing! Just a bit mind .

Phoenix!! What a lovely update to read. It's so easy with the right person isn't it?

Been - just read your update HOORAY!!!

Yes it’s so easy when it’s right - it makes you wonder why you spent any time worrying about ones that weren’t easy!

I mean I can still be hurt & shit but essentially that is far from his aim and the goal is to talk through these things.

BEEN & PHOENIX 🎉🎉 YAY!!💘💞💕

Its soooooo lovely to hear that you both had a great time. If felt like reading a romantic novel

I love the bit about why do we worry about the ones it isn't easy with. I think you're right, you know there's a difference when it's right.

There's nothing quite like the feeling of actually deciding to stop holding your feelings back and just letting them runaway with themselves and that feeling of starting to fall for someone is amazing.

I wish you both all the best and hope this is the beginning of something amazing for both of you xx

Oh Phoenix and Been!!! You give me hope. Such wonderful wonderful updates

Phoenix and Been that’s fab news. Me and Mr Samename have discussed things in the future and we’ve both told each other how much we think of each other. We both want a relationship and not just messing around. He’s so honest about his feelings which I really like. It’s so nice to meet someone who wants the same as you do.** He makes me feel so special which I’m so not used to. Can’t believe I’ve met someone like him on POF xx

Pheonix and been ALL THE EMOJIS!!! Fantastic bloody updates, love it. So chuffed for you both (all). Whoop! Well that's warmed my cockles

Username200 Been following your posts and I agree with what you said "I needed to read something like that as I'm getting totally frustrated at OLD right now. Seems to be full of people flaking at the last minute, ghosting & people just arsing around. It's nice to know there's decent ones out there."

I ve been on and off internet dating since 2003! I was on Friends Reunited dating and back then it was more serious. A lot of people back then though it was a geeks place to find love on a computer or for saddos. Now you can get PoF on a mobile and its easy to get a "relationship". Bored? Want a fling? Want some attention? Just go online. F*ck everyone elses feelings or the risk of getting an STD or meeting a nice man called Ted Bundy or Gary Ridgeway. I your lucky enough to avoid them you`ll probably meet the next door neighbour lad. Hes a good kid. Peter Sutcliffe.

My last internet date lasted 3 months. In the end she said it lacked any spark. Ok, ok I went a bit slow and didnt take it to the next level. What does she do? She goes back online to find someone else. This the dating cycle begins.

Hi ZIPPY I know exactly how you feel about OLD. I've got to the point where I'm so fed up with it too. But the problem I have is that I have 2 kids, I work from home and don't have anyone in my area that I can go out to pubs with do I'm wondering how else is there to meet new people at my age?

I keep thinking I'll just chill out about it and hopefully it will happen when you least expect it to but I really do miss being with someone, which is why I go back on POF, then soon enough I realise why I keep giving up on it lol

It's a rubbish cycle to be in

Serialmistake Im a single guy. Most of my friends are either paired off, married or gay. It doesn help when mos of my friends are female and when I go out with them. Some thing we`re a couple.

Theres nothing really wrong about OLD. It can work but its the abundance of options. The grass is greener syndrome. My last internet date lasted 3 months. Ok, it could have been longer had it not been the fact she told me what was wrong AFTER we split up. It would have helped if she told me what to do when I was still with her. Communication is important after all.

PoF? I m a guy and its hard to even get to into a conversation on there. My male friends get the same too. Its crickets and tumbleweed. Even if you are lucky enough to speak to someone they then fade.

People give up so easily. Dont like the way they text you, Give up. Dont like the way you spell. Give up. We`re all told to find someone else. Im not 43 and finding someone decent at my age gets harder. The dating pool gets smaller and the amount of time wasters grow larger.

Pof is a nightmare for men though as women get so many messages. They can't possibly respond to them all.
I think people end up single all the time, so it's not necessarily that the dating pool gets smaller. I am reconciled to perhaps not meeting anyone. I'm an attractive woman, but I have very little free time and when I am child free, I'm exhausted and don't feel up to going out. Then I'll date and just feel meh about people. I want someone I feel excited about and that isn't me being too picky, it's just so difficult for me to date that there is no point going for any less.

Amazing updates from Phoenix and Been! Gives me faith in the whole dating malarkey
I gave up on POF after I was catfished on there. He even rang me, we chatted, set a date, place to meet....then I heard about the google image search thing so tried it on him (he was very good looking). Turns out it was a models photos!! I called him out on it, he was apologetic, I reported his profile and closed my account. Stuck with tinder since and have a finely tuned radar for bullshit haha, it's hopefully got better at least.
And I totally agree Far, if the excitement isn't there then what's the point! I don't do second dates anymore if I don't feel excited about the prospect.

So so happy for Phoenix and Been!! What great news, so glad things are looking up for you both. It gives the rest of us hope at least .

Pixie Interesting you say that you dont second date anyone if you dont feel excited about anyone. Dont you believe the spark can come later?

I had 6 dates with someone before they decided there was no spark. There must have been some sort if interest in the beginnging. Six dates. What do you think of that?

Zippy, you're right about POF, so hard to get into conversation with someone and when you do, they end up disappearing. I was chatting to someone last night and this morning and by this afternoon his profile had been deleted!!

I got contacted by 2 catfishes last week. It's only coz I watch the show catfish that I knew to search their pictures. One of them was using a picture of a vet that's on the telly

Serial I had that happen to me twice when I was on Match! Two women I got speaking to over 2 weeks suddenly deleted their profiles.

Now I understand how OLD works but for first timers or vulnerable people. That can have a detrimental impact on their mental health.

Being catfished inst nice and why waste someones time doing it?

Zippy I do believe the spark can come later in some cases, it's just it never has for me. I have had a few consecutive dates with a couple of really lovely men who I thought something may develop with, but unfortunately it didn't. Then I felt like I had maybe messed them about it and that's not what I wanted to do at all!
I think 6 dates is a lot to then decide there's no spark....you'd know surely after meeting a few times that there wasn't anything there. That's just me though, guess everyone feels differently about the elusive spark!

PixieB Thank you for your feedback and thats what I thought. She must of liked me enough but I didnt escalate things fst enough and then she left.

The danger with rely on the spark is you miss all the red flags. The spark can fade. The spark slowly came to be in a few instances but only after I knew them for a while and saw them in a different light. It can happen and you cant control who you like.

I don't understand why people use fake pics, I'm assuming they're never planning on meeting anyone, otherwise they'd be rumbled.

Maybe they just want conversation with someone or maybe it's more sinister

well my date went shit last night. I snapped at a long monologue and then got told I wasn't supportive and the date was all about me. I apologised loads but it's not looking good.

Every time I tried to talk about how I felt he'd change the subject. Said he didn't do emotions very well. I think I need to get out of this.

Biddy he sounds like a bundle of fun?! Dump and don’t look back!! I hate it when conversations are all one sided it shows a lot about their personality.

I’m going out on date #3 tonight with Mr Stylish. We met again for drinks on Friday, had a lovely evening together and went back to his. I told him no sex and he didn’t push anything, great kisser though and definitely a spark. I didn’t really expect to meet anybody online especially the first day I put my profile on there. I’m going with the flow, I’m not desperate, it feels nice.

He also looks at me as though I’m the most gorgeous person on earth (I’m not) but god it feels nice after 17 years of a dead marriage.