The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

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Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Date with Mr Taichi sounds exciting Been. Butterflies are a good feeling.
Speed dating sounds quite fun serial and even if nothing comes of it, it's good to get out and talk to different people.
Dieu I think just remember that different people like different body types and loads of men will like you exactly as you are!

I don't want to see my guy from yesterday again, now I've thought about it. I think he drove home after four large gin and tonics. I didn't fancy him but that's sealed the deal. I suppose he could've just been drinking tonic and lime, but I doubt it and his drink looked identical to mine.

I'm not sure I've met anyone who comes close to the man I was in love with for two years. We split last Christmas because he'd fallen out of love with me. I haven't really got the heart for dating. I am going to hang around here though, because, you gotta be in it to win it and besides, I like you guys!

Sigh. The Canadians wanting a hot girl for fun...

Faron I split from my ex last Christmas too, he cheated on me but I was totally besotted by him even though looking back now our relationship wasn't great and wasn't even real (due to him lying to me). I'm still finding it hard to feel anything towards anyone else, I don't know if I'm not ready or if I have just lost all faith in finding anyone genuine.

Someone drinking 4 drinks and then driving would put me off too.

Yeah that does sound like you are in a similar situation love. Maybe if Mr Mountain starts being more consistent you will start to trust him more.
I was very much in love with my ex and I would've been completely devoted to him. He became horribly emotionally abusive in the end. Some people, when they feel they have power over someone, will just exploit it.

Guys - I need you to talk me down. I’m super nervous about tonight with BBC. I mean it’s clearly for sex & I’m up for it, I’m just really nervous because it’s been so long since I’ve had sex with someone I’m connected with. How do you guys handle predate jitters like these?

Phoenix it's liking riding a bike, you will be fine. Enjoy . Are you going for a drink first? I find a drink helps settle the nerves but don't over do it. Also remember that first times are often a bit awkward and not always the best.

Faron I am hoping Mr Mountain steps up, I have huge trust issues so the fact we are not exclusive really messes with my head (wondering if he's seeing others and wondering if I'm in competition with anyone). My ex was similar to yours and became emotionally abusive towards the end but I did think he was 'the one', I was totally shocked to find he had cheated with several women as he was very clingy and hardly went anywhere without me. It was a very messy break up and I have a injunction out against him, I hate him but I think about him most days and what I thought we had. I hope that one day someone will sweep me off my feet and prove to me that all men aren't lying, cheating abusive bastards.

Oh god Phoenix I have no idea, I’m just gripped with nerves at the second date yet alone sex! I think I’d have to have a few drinks to limber up! How exciting though!!

Been away all week and glad to find it's been a busy week for you all!

Phoenix just relax and enjoy your date, I agree it can be so much better with someone you feel more connected with, but I feel your jitters! Look forward to reading all about it [smile}

Inex some good advice on here for you, be careful out there!

Had a good week away but as usual texting between me and Mr. RL was frustrating. Usually see him Friday but had a message from him this morning saying his sister was over tonight, so I suggested tomorrow but he read it at 11.50 and haven't had a reply yes or no so far.....aaaargh! How hard can it be to type yes or no fgs! Feeling so mad with him right now, not because I won't see him tonight, but that I don't know if I'm seeing him tomorrow or not!!

Why why why does this drive me so mad? Am I being unreasonable? Am I being needy, clingy, over-invested? I do have a life other than him, fgs! I've told him this too......obviously he forgot! grrrr! Help, somebody!

Hi OAKLEY I don't think it's unreasonable at all. I get cross when guys read my messages and then don't reply, sometimes for a couple of hours, sometimes a couple of days. I think the same, how hard can it be to right yes or no or a quick text. If they've got time to go on WhatsApp umpteen times since I sent them a message then I'm sure they could've had time to send 1 poxy message

PHOENIX Good good luck for tonight, I can't add any other ideas for controlling the nerves I'm afraid, I'm terrible with pre date/sex/anything involving a man nerves lol me and my friend joke about the fact that we both get 'nervous poos!!!
I would just say maybe have a drink or 2 to steady the nerves but try to enjoy it, I'm sure you will once you get there!!

Honestly I would have a couple of drinks to calm my nerves too! Can't imagine going in stone cold sober the first couple of times!
Hope you have a lovely time Phoenix

Oh totally, get a few bevvies down your neck!

Meant to ask, where is Bant ... and the other lovely gent (with the beard and tattoos), whose name momentarily escapes me?

Serial thank goodness it's not just me then....I can stop beating myself up now, lol.

Good advice to Phoenix re a couple of dutch courage drinkies....imagine me the first time dtd with Mr. RL, he doesn't even drink (hardly at all anyway) so we were both stone cold sober.

Bant is still about, but busy with work at the moment I think.

I’ve been at a dear friend’s birthday drinks and currently en route to BBC’s place. Been teasing him over text and I look stunning cuz of the birthday drinks. And yet there’s still that part of me that feels like he doesn’t really like me & it’s all a joke. Such a shame that 6 years of dating has created that but I’m hoping it won’t be the same old same old.

Have a great time phoenix, I want all the juicy details tomorrow!!!

Good luck Phoenix!

Have fun Phoenix!

Have fun Phoenix. Well I had date number four last night with Mr Samename. He really is so lovely, makes me laugh so much my stomach hurts, good looking and appears so genuine and honest. Really hoping it carries on like its going at the moment xx

FLOWER He sounds really nice, I hope it all continues to go well for you

He sounds lovely flower. Good to hear a positive update.

Hey everyone, thought I’d come out of lurking to update you all.
I’ve been dating MrMusic for over a month now with too many dates to count . Things are going really well and I am daring to think that there may be some distance in this.
We match really well in lots of different ways. It’s very odd dating someone after being in a LTR which started when I was 17. But it’s great!

My next hurdle is when/how to bring my two DC (5&7) into the mix. I also need to tell my exH. Dreading it so so much.
Any words of wisdom on those two things would be appreciated.

Children- not for months yet.

Hi Purple, why do you need to tell exH? Practical reasons? Emotional reasons?

Glad it's going so well. I really do appreciate all positive updates!

I need to tell him as we live in a small area where everybody knows someone. When MrMusic and I go out we do tend to get seen. I want the control over when I tell him and not have the worry over him finding out and accusing me first. I know it is none of his business but it’s causing me more problems hiding it now.
I’m really worried about what he’s going to say/do but I need to address it as the worry over what ifs is probably worse.

Is anyone else just dying to hear an update from phoenix??