The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

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Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

It doesn’t sound like you like him at at all really. I’d send a thanks but no thanks message.

"How do you suggest testing it" Well that depends on your style. Some people would say "hey you owe me a drink!" which can be perfectly reasonable / jokey but you haven't given him a chance to actually step up.
Maybe just don't be too quick with your purse and give him the chance to step up and watch what happens.

So I think I might be being stood up (again!) He left the convo last night halfway through. Today I sent a “still up for tonight” msg which has been read but not replied to. He had his kids for the first time in his new place last night & his ds was struggling with him not being around as much. Wondering if he’s decided it might be too soon.

Biddy, I do think that some guys get very intensely but serially attached to people. It's almost like they have a complete bundle of emotions that they can transfer from one woman to another - and that woman in that place has to exist, they have few friends etc.

You know what - he's a teacher and he knows he won't see any more of me in half term - maybe less. I suspect this woman has more time than me and no full time job and he's organised himself a fun half term

So Niki was there a second round of drinks that night that he paid for? In which case probably fair enough although I think that most men would try to by the first round in that situation.

You say he kept trying to touch you, given that this was the first time you had met he doesn't sound very appealing.

Niki just realised I missed your last post where you explained. Sounds like you don't really like him. He may be a bit of a chancer or just a bit inept.

Anti I think you may be on to something about the intensity and serial attachment. Its as if these guys get really excited because they think you may be THE perfect woman. Then when they find out you are a real person and not this imaginary, idealised creation, they get disillusioned, and either fade out or ghost you when they find another one... rinse and repeat

Phoenix you may be looking too kindly upon Mr BBC. I've lost track, have you met in person yet? He sounds seriously flaky if he can't send a simple reply to confirm the date and has cancelled previous dates?

Move on and forget the knobber. Stalked you round an event and wore you down till you agreed to have a drink and then let you pay.. Nah nah nah nah.

When you put it like that!

Pav - we haven’t met yet - this is first date & been arranged for 2 weeks. I just literally heard from him with an apology for last night and an “absolutely looking forward to it”

Now I just need to figure out what to wear!!!

Niki - I wouldn't bother seeing him again, he wouldn't be for me at all. Maybe he is looking for a sugar mummy, but I wouldn't hang around to find out.

Anyone else got dates tonight?

Nope. I had a possible on the cards for sunday but I've got a stinking cold and I think I'm going to cancel :(
Someone nice for next Tuesday though! A new guy I haven't met before. We were texting before I got involved with this other guy and he still seems to be up for meeting

I think both are funtimes situations rather than relationship type people. I was fine with that before but now I find how easily apparently I get attached I am not sure I'm doing it right. Maybe I should be looking for a relationship?

Anti - that is exactly what made me realise I needed to just look for a relationship. It hasn’t been without its set backs but I feel much better in myself if that makes sense!

I’ve got date number four tomorrow day/night. Was meant to have seen him last night but he had a problem at work so had to cancel but still on for tomorrow. He’s so nice but having been cheated on by my ex I’m so paranoid and scared of getting hurt again but guess you can’t judge everyone by someone else’s behaviour. No red flags at all so far xx

But relationships are all going to end anyway so it's how much pain and when you have it. And all the shit you have to do and put up with to maintain a relationship.

I don't know.

Loo update! He’s really smart, funny & great conversation.* Not sure where we’re at on the fancying each other scale.* Still to be determined! Drinks have turned into dinner though!

Brilliant! Have fun Phoenix

He just texted me again. Asking me out next week.

phoenix great news, glad it's going well.

@smeaton so tempting!

Sooooooo... well date last night with Mr BBC went great. Only felt like a first date for about 5 seconds & then it was like he was an old friend.

Drinks turned into dinner (there was handholding over the table), then a walk along the river & kissing & more kissing. Then, he had his work bag stolen!

Thankfully it didn’t have his wallet or phone but it did have his new house keys & by that point it was almost 1 am. So I ended up bringing him home with me We didn’t actually dtd but there was some light dancing... Already talking dates 2 & 3.

So we’ll see. He’s not my normal physical type at all but it feels like we’ve known each other for ages & his kisses make me weak at the knees so all good signs.