The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

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Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Just discovered this thread and it's great! Can I just ask you all (as you all seem good with advice etc)........last two Whatsapp messages to my "new-ish relationship guy" who I met in RL (one Saturday night and one last night) have been read but not answered.....should I be panicking, nervous, wondering if I've been "ghosted"?? It's starting to p*ss me off now, finding this very rude of him! Any advice appreciated.

What does it mean if someone whatsapps you loads of ghost emojis? Actually I just had another look and it's alternate ghost-snowman-ghost-snowman. Are they just random pictures, or does it mean something, like the language of flowers?

Grinch maybe he reads this thread secretly... or he's telling you he's ghosting you (a kind of ghosting plus) or they're hinting at a Halloween party coming up. Will you reply in kind?

Thanks for your reply. I think I would be upset either way, I don't like hurting people's feelings either.

Oakley hello! That sounds like a ghosting to me. You say it's a relationship - if so that's not very nice behaviour. Alternatively you might be being placed on the back burner so he could pop back up in a week or so for a shag. Another class move in the game of OLD

Both messages were just saying good night. Bloody rude of him not to reply. Just sent a ? (couldn't help myself) and no reply again! Trying really hard to control myself atm, feel like sending him a "it was good while it lasted, have a nice life" style text next, but know deep down I'm over reacting, but I can't stand being ignored.

Been, we met in RL. I knew him for a while before we got together.

Heartbroken - can I ask how old you are? I agree with Bants about the Facebooking. Way too early. I’ll Facebook friend a guy I’m seeing after we’ve been to an event or something that’s there’s photos I’d want tagged of us. So pretty far down the line.

I don’t think it’s necessarily doing something wrong. I’ve had 2 guys do this same thing to me in the last 2 months! I definitely don’t believe I did anything wrong. They had their own shit going on & were cowards. I don’t want to be with a coward.

Fuddle - what do you mean by “what does it feel like?

Hi Oakley - I think you’re being ghosted yes. But 2 dates does not a relationship make!!! Have you overinvested? Why have you sent 2 msgs before he answered?

Anti - that is really weird. My guess is it’s not great... has he said anything else?

Oakley - step away from whatsapp. You’re entering “crazy girl” territory. Even though you met in real life you only went on TWO dates. That’s nothing in the dating world. You need to delete his number & see if he comes back. In the meantime set up some other dates for yourself!

Phoenix, thanks for your reply, I've been seeing him since August, I'm not that needy, lol. The texts I sent were just "good night x" as I do most nights we don't see each other, he more often than not replies, but this time no reply to Saturday or Sunday nights messages, hence the extreme irritation I'm feeling now. I mean, how long does a two word text take? God, how little he must think of me.

Sorry Oakley I thought you said you’d just been out twice, Sat & last night. If you’ve been seeing him since August then that’s really strange. Has he gone quiet before? When was the last time you saw him? That’s really shitty if he’s ghosting you now!

Oakley there seems to be a myth about the hallowed relationship that starts in RL whereby OLD is second best (I'm not saying you think this). In my experience a tosser is a tosser is a tosser however you meet. Looks like you found one of those I'm afraid. I had one of those. He vanished then popped up about three months or so later (really can't remember). I took great delight in sending him a message saying that I don't date ill-mannered people.

If you've been dating since August I'd expect him to be replying - especially over the weekend. Did you have the whole 'we're an item and exclusive' chat?

Phoenix - just had a few messages from him, said he's been quiet cause he didn't feel great today, and yes, he has gone quiet before but today it has really annoyed me. I last saw him on Saturday afternoon as I had plans for the evening already. I will have to have a chat to him when we next see each other about message etiquette I think.

Been, yes we had the "chat" before we got together properly, neither of us want anything too heavy at the moment, but I made it clear that I didn't want us to be "casual" so we both know where we stand. I met my last partner on OLD, so I've tried both ways of meeting people, and good for you for tearing the "vanisher" off a strip, lol.

So I’m chanting “we’re not overinvesting” to myself over & over but Mr BBC is really interesting & endearing himself to me in chat. I think worst case scenario he could def be a new friend.

How’s everyone else doing?

Did you have your talks Love & Haribo?

Hi Phoenix, I'm currently (again ) waiting for a text to confirm that we are meeting tonight (as we've done every Tuesday since August when we started seeing each other). I'm determined not to text him first as he said on Saturday he may not come (we meet up with mutual friends so I can go alone) but he usually checks (or I do) to see if we're both up for it. My thoughts are that as he said he might not make it, then the balls in his court to let me know yes or no? Not sure whether to go alone or not if I don't hear from him beforehand.... Good luck with Mr BBC by the way

What happened Oakley? I’d be getting super annoyed with him!

So...... My son had a friend with a gorgeous silver fox dad, I have the dad's number..... Should I????? Just don't want to be rejected and then embarrassed. I'm 47 and he's similar age, help!!!!!

Comfy what do you have to lose? If he’s not interested he’ll probably be flattered.**

Mmmm, just don't want to be rejected I guess

Hi all, I am completely new to internet dating having split up with exh last year. I joined Pof last week and have had a lot of messages but only 1 I liked the look of. We have been messaging daily for the last few days and have decided to meet. Problem is I am crippled with nerves, he's pretty good looking and well dressed (huge turn on) but I worry I won't match up. My profile pictures are a true reflection of me so I havent just put the best ones on. He seems nice but god I've gone from normal woman to obsessed teenager, how has this happened?!

How the hell do I get through it with feeling like I'm going to be sick/have diarrhoea at any given moment???

hello - I'm back for some advice. I've been seeing Mr Young man for 2 months. It's difficult as he has full custody of his child. His job is very stressful too. At the moment he is exhausted and his texts are not so friendly. he does phone me but it is all about his life and problems. There are no plans for us to me up again although he is a bit of a last minute kind of person.

I also have a kid and not much spare time. So I don't quite know what to do. Do I be patient and see what happens? i like the guy but I feel like he's only interested in complaining at me. Our children have met but this has been more of a playdate than us being on a date (we don't hold hands or act together in front of the kids).

I'm trying to come from a kind and thoughtful place about this. But it's getting to me. Any advice? (Particularly from dads or those who have dated full time dads)

Hi BORED

I'm afraid I don't have any advice on how to not be nervous but I just wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat as you with the sickness/diarrohea (I call it nervous poos lol)

All I would suggest is that you try not to get too over invested as per the title of this thread. I'm not very good at doing that myself lol but I'm trying!

However it works out it will be some experience of getting back in the dating game (which I have found out has changed A LOT since I was last single) Just try and relax and enjoy it, don't put too much pressure on. Oh and don't get heartbroken if they suddenly disappear, that's an OLD speciality and I still haven't got used to it myself.

How is everyone else doing?
LOVE How are things with Mr Mountain?

boredbored - he might not live up to his pictures. Meet him. Jut be yourself. You might find he's a twit in the flesh!

comfy can you go for a casual drink? Like make it look like a friendly natter about parenting?

Oakley Hope you heard from him.