The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

[Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

His wife probably isn't fucking a married dude for shampoo so I'm not so sure about these accomplishments you're so proud of.

Pog!

his wife probably isn't fucking a married dude for shampoo

This is the funniest, and most apt comment I've read on here in ages

Be a dear and get yourself checked for herpes, there's a love.

That's way out of line you're really starting to show who you are. Anyways, i thought you left. Or, was that a dream.

How is that way out of line? She slept with a bloke who was cheating on his wife, there's a strong chance he's done it before, and so she should get herself checked for STIs.

I don't have much time for people who blithely post about their life-ruining behaviour, and look to get sympathy for feeling down in the dumps because they're better than poor wifey.

Mr Mountain is still messaging me like nothing's wrong. I do actually believe that he's just a work obsessed twat, thinking about it, he's never been married, doesn't have kids and work is probably the only thing he has and selfishness ,I'm quite enjoying playing him, he obviously wants a pen pal as he keeps sending me boring messages (general chit chat about boring things he's doing). I'm trying to think of some boring non essential thing to be busy doing when he asks if he can see me, something really unimportant .

You made that post to take a dig at her. Suggesting you said it because you worried about her sexual health is a load of rubbish.

Love how about catching up on your long neglected knitting? Itemising your food cupboard by use by date and then aligning the tins alphabetically?

I did. I admit it. I had a dig at someone who posted about what I see as hugely unpleasant perspective on how they are more deserving, more attractive and more accomplished than a poor woman whose husband is off fucking other women.

But I never said I was worried about her.

She should still get checked though, in case he's given her something she passes on to the wife of the next guy

Thank you Anne great suggestions

Whether it was a dig or not it's true. If he was using professional sex workers they would probably be more likely to take proper precautions. Using random women off the internet means there's more risk.

Then there's your sudden, overwhelming addiction to crosswords, Love!

Love - did he make any reference to you seeing him today as planned?

Love that's so bizarre. Are you going to bin him off?

I thought he was meant to see you as well today love.
It's a bit rude if he didn't even mention seeing you today.

whatis oh puhlease - you're using 'you can't help who you fall for' really? You MAY not be able to help feelings you CAN help actions - he has HISTORY with his WIFE not you. And yes you fucked him knowing he was married so you ARE a threat to his marriage if his wife finds out.

Lots of married men on dating sites you know that unless you're a complete naïf!!

Seriously get a clue and morals

I'd agree you're equal - equally selfish

Written before I read:
"He wanted me and I wanted him, simple."

Gentlemanly? No a gentleman doesn't cheat! Or buy women!

"Erm. He paid for you to go on holiday with him after meeting you on a dating site. Of course he showed you his expectations. What the hell did you think, that he worked for the Make A Wish foundation?" He knew you'd feel obligated to him, not 'letting' you pay for anything in money meant he knew you'd pay him in kind - which you did

And I can assure you if you were as wonderful as you reckon - he wouldn't be staying with his wife, and wouldn't have tried it on with you in the first place.

Good evening,

I am sorry I post only sporadically when I have a question but here I am.

I have agreed to go on three dates on Friday (one lunch, one coffee, one evening). Men sometimes change their mind so the three dates might turn into zero.

But has anyone done three dates in one day? Is it really crazy? Will I confuse the guys?

It sounded a good idea, so that I only have to wear a nice dress once and do some grooming as well, but it feels a little wrong.

Could I please have mumsnet’s collective wisdom on this? I don’t plan to sleep or kiss any of the three men and if I don’t want to, obviously it doesn’t happen.

Thanks

user he was meant to see me today but I kind of made myself unavailable and went to the gym instead.

Been I'm unsure what I'm going to do, I think a part of me is hoping that he will realise that he's seriously pissed me off and that his behaviour was rubbish but I doubt that will happen.

Love - I’m so sorry he’s done this. I don’t think you can rely on hoping he’ll realise anything. I really thought he’d see you today & be lovely to make up for it. Honestly I’d call (or msg depending on how brave you feel) and say I’m not just dating for the sake of it & I’m looking to build a relationship. I thought we had great spark, really got on & I liked him. But I can’t be with someone who’s going to put work in front of me, especially at the last minute. Then I’d mentally dump him unless he came back with something worthwhile.

Whatis - you need to stop talking about yourself as the wronged party here. Your hands are as filthy as his. You are not a 15 year old girl who had no idea what she was doing. Why are you selling yourself to the least available bidder? You are certainly not on par with his wife. You need to ask yourself why you would do this to yourself never mind to another woman. You brought your “heartache” on yourself. You need to stop dating for a bit to gather yourself together & work on your self worth. Right now you are the reason there are so many married guys on old. There’s always a mug willing to compromise her values for a pretty face or a fancy bottle of Hotel shampoo. Don’t be that woman.

Heartbroken I couldn't do that myself but that's just me, not a judgy statement. I like to have the chance to move on to something else if we get on plus I'd be very miffed with myself if I wanted to kiss Mr Lunch but couldn't because I was about to see Mr Afternoon Tea. I always greet people with a two-cheek continental kiss so I'd also be paranoid about smelling of aftershave! That said, well done for finding three you want to meet!

Love please don't go down the mind reading route where you expect him to magically know why you're pissed off. Most people don't deliberately do stuff to hack someone off so they have no clue what sin they've committed when they get the cold shoulder. If you still want to see where this goes then you need to have a grown up conversation without anger or pissed-offness. It is such early days though that I'd expect him to be in sales mode. Wanting to impress you. If this is him at his best what the fuck is he going to be like in six months?

heartbroken I’ve done this I wouldn’t do 3 in one day tbh.* I had brunch, coffee & Dinner & it was EXHAUSTING. It’s not just the need to keep an eye on the time but to go through the whole first date thing 3 Times is shattering. Plus what Been said. If you have a great coffee and want to keep going it sucks to have to pull yourself away for what probably is a total dud. Two is doable but 3’s pretty tough.*

Thanks all. Phoenix, I tend to get a headache when I go for a date (tension-related I guess). So I could do lunch and dinner. I really want to meet these men ASAP, we have been texting for a while.

Having said that, two of them have not messaged at all over the weekend, I don’t know if they are still interested.

Oh, this online dating is so weird.

Will update once (if) the dates happen.

I just want to say a couple of contrarian things:

Is it necessary for everyone to keep putting the boot into whatis? it isn't going to make her see any of it differently

Love - I know you know a lot more about the detail of this, and I agree you've been nastily let down, but... work is work. I prioritise my work over most things because I have two children and a house with a mortgage and a not-great-at-earning ex. (So, materially, my children basically only have me.) Sometimes work is all or nothing - if you work at 75% you don't get 75% money but you lose the gig and get nothing. I know you are closer to the detail and have a better feel for this, but I have sympathy with people who can't entirely control their schedule because of work.

whatisgoingon1 the world is a complex place so I am not one to pass judgment. But it is hard when you have had your world pulled apart by cheating liers. From my experiance my ex had an affair and run off with another man who was cheating and turned his back on his family too. Turns out he's a horrible abusive lying scumbag. Two families ruined and she is left with a scumbag who never changes. I suppose they deserve each other. The moral of the story people like that don't change (even for you), they just cause people pain. Break the cycle.