The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

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Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Love so glad you've 'checked in'! good luck to Mr Mountain and his devoted relationship with work. Grrr!

Luckily Grinch we're both so flipping busy in RL that it suits us well. In all honesty I don't think I can spare the time for much more than two weekend dates a month and one weekday night providing he comes into London! I'm not sure he could even manage that as he's a solo parent with a very busy job - time will tell.

He's a good looking man, has hair, good teeth, a job, a home, can cook and keeps fit. Plus I know he's got stamina galore . I feel like a POF lottery winner so far!

Love I'm glad you're seeing Mr RL later so you're not spending today fretting over Mr Bullet. I can't help thinking he's back-pedalling like mad and will be surprised if he shows up and in all honesty I hope he doesn't. He's being as flaky as hell .

Whatis the only BS around here is what you're telling yourself in an attempt to justify what you've done.

Whats his wife PICKED HIM UP AT THE AIRPORT. That shows a level of intimacy, right there.

whatis they ALL say the marriage is dead, there's no sex etc etc THAT is the BS!! My ex told OW exact same - we were trying for 2nd child so having LOTS of sex - his idea btw.

The SECOND you knew he was married if you were a half decent person you'd have dumped him!

Even my casual sex guys if I even suspect they're cheating I block.

Been, I too was hoping Mr Mountain doesn't show up. At least then Love* doesn't feel pissed about, or shoved into a vacant slot between oh so important work commitments - which HE instigated. Why do unavailable (emotionally or otherwise) people bother with OLD? If they SAY they are looking for hook ups, with no commitment - fine. But that wasn't the case with Mr Mountain, he seemed so keen for a 'normal' relationship!

Love you ever seen 'hitch'? At start there's a monologue where he says women aren't really 'focusing on their career' etc - it's the brush off. Men do it too. If he was interested you'd be a priority

Smeaton don't knock Derek! his caravan is lush!

Escort is something to aspire to. At least they're up front about the transaction. They probably have longer lead times and a stricter screening process too...

And what have I done Been ? I went to see a man I was already emotionally hooked on. If anyone to blame it would be him,why is a married man is on dating sites pretending to be single,making effort to build a connection with me .By the time I met him we already had couple of months history of recent events,a lot to talk about and it wasn't like meeting a stranger. He seemed involved and invested. He never said he loves his wife,he said he's not attracted to her anymore,he said relationship detiriorated and he expect them to split up.He played me , plainly . But yes it takes 2 to tango and I should have known better. Anyway its not too late to forget the whole story, I dont believe im a threat to their marriage as I won't act on my feelings anymore.

I don't think you can really equate going on holiday with someone as being a paid escort. Lots of women want to be treated, wined and dined, whisked away by someone for a romantic break,

If you start classing all of those as being a paid escort, then that means whenever a woman expects a man to pay for the meal on a date that may possibly lead to sex,, that's prostitution

However, whatis - it's the fact that you knowingly went away with him, helping him cheat on his wife, and then tried to gain sympathy by saying how sad it made you feel, and that his wife wasn't any better than you..

You saying that last bit disproved your point. It's shitty behaviour.

Smeaton.Me and him are on a more or less same social standing,similar background,level of education and the main reason I liked him because of that similarity. The conversation was interesting and I found myself more and more engaged. Think it's inappropriate to suggest I'm looking for someone better off than me,just someone equal.

Bant if a single man whisks you away and wines and dines you, fine! but with a married man - that makes it transactional in a lot of people's eyes here, and - we suspect- the married man's eyes too.

Him not overtly booking an escort maybe makes it more 'respectable' for him?

Bant - I hear what you are saying but this was an all expenses paid for holiday, down to the frigging shampoo!!! Of course it's nice to be taken on a romantic weekend away by a long term boyfriend but not some random married. A man paying for everything would make me extremely uncomftable, I'm a big girl with money of my own. I'll pay my way, even on the romantic break.

Bant I'm not disputing it was shitty behaviour,it absolutely was.I never even expected it of myself,if anyone told me few months ago what future holds I'd freak out.
Not in a hundred years ,to fall for a married wanker and fly across countries to see him.

Lesson learned!

userxx I have my own money too and I offered to pay for things, he said I'm not allowed . And I can't deny it felt good to be in that situation .I seen it as gentlemanly gesture and not in any way demeaning.

gentlemanly. dear god. A 'gentleman' who is married doesn't fuck randoms off a dating site - paid for shampoo or not! maybe he gets a kick out of 'buying' his women this way?

Whatis - your bar is set so low you are in danger of tripping over it. Please re-read your posts and have a think about how to improve your self worth going forward.

And maybe it's a mentality thing,I'm not English and was brought up in more patriarchal society when men pay for things, if they are interested in a woman. It would be demeaning and insulting for a man to accept a woman pay for him and splitting bills in half is something along those lines too.Having said that I have no idea what his stance on it is,did he research and acted in a specific way, is he usually generous or he seen it as a transaction? Who knows? But it didn't feel awkward and I definitely not owed him sex based on that. If he made it a transaction he failed to show me his expectations!

Erm. He paid for you to go on holiday with him after meeting you on a dating site. Of course he showed you his expectations. What the hell did you think, that he worked for the Make A Wish foundation?

Unfortunately, Whatis seems hell- bent on dressing up her encounter as a fairytale romantic interlude with her and married man in lead roles as star-crossed lovers, instead of seeing it for what it is. A sleazebag and a desperate for attention available woman.

his wife picked him up at the airport. Ugh! this alone turns my stomach. Poor cow.

He wanted me and I wanted him,simple. Anyway so much projection going on , how dare I to say I'm better looking and more acomplished than his wife? Erm because it's the truth. Frantically comparing their situations to mine and having a dig at me , all because of underlying issues. My ex-husband cheated on me too, I only blame him for that,his girlfriend did not make a commitment to me ,she was a stranger and I didn't blame her for anything. It wasn't my place to slag off a grown up adult that I have no connection with. It was his choice to mess up our marriage ,no woman could make him start an affair if he didn't want to.Think I'm not going to comment or read anymore.