The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

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Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I agree was a bit last minute.
Only you can decide what is acceptable but I would let him know you are pissed of.
Why does OLD seem to have such flakey men?

I'm tempted to tell him not to bother coming tomorrow, I was looking for award to him staying over and MB agreed to go somewhere tomorrow that I'm not too bothered about anyway.

I haven't replied to his last message which was him saying how he needs the money for Christmas. He knows I'm pissed off so will leave the ball in his court. Surely if he was looking forward to it as much as he said he was last night he would rejig work stuff?

Plan something else for tomorrow and then at the last minute cancel.
May seem petty but will give him an idea of how crap it feels to be let down.

I'm tempted user, there's something on yesterday that I would like to go too .

You know when a man is into you, he leaves you with no doubt whatsoever, however he may be freaked out by coming over whilst your kids are there, it might all be a bit too much too soon for him. See what tomorrow brings before you make a decision.

Love it's crap that he's cancelled at the last minute. And it's not a great excuse. It could be a one-off or an indication of the way your relationship could go. But it's early days.

Have a lovely evening with DC then see him tomorrow. Make it clear that he has let you down as you had prepared your DC for him staying over, which is a big deal. I'd give him a pass this one time as he does seem keen on you. But if he does anything like this again then get rid.

I'm sort of preparing to dump the guy I've been seeing for the last 6months. He's been doing a lot of last minute cancellations because of work. And just general flaky-ness
He's coming over for dinner tonight and I'm going to tell him I want more effort from him or he's out of here. (Against all sensible MN advice!)

In my head I've dumped him already. Then I re-activated my Tinder account and decided that the alternatives were not great, so shut it down again.

I know I probably should give him another chance but at the moment I'm upset andmpissed off, I wouldn't have minded if he told me yesterday instead of telling me how 'he can't wait to stay over'. He maybe nervous about meeting my kids but I gave him the option not to meet them this weekend but he insisted that he wanted to stay the night.

I'm not going to message him again until I have calmed down a little or I might just tell him to fuck off. I think I'm just annoyed because in our first date he was telling me how great his job is because he can take time off when he wants and doesn't work weekends, I haven't seen him for 2 weeks as he has been too busy working . If he had told me yesterday I could have made other plans for tonight.

Run what is it with men and using work as an excuse? I'm one of those that doesn't believe money to be the most important thing in life, I could have worked this weekend but chose not to as my own time is more important than money (as long as I have enough to survive).

nice to see a man's point of view Smeaton.

Your probably right Smeaton ,I don't know what to do about tomorrow, if we go out for the day I'm probably just going to feel really pissed off with the fact he let me down tonight. If he felt rushed he could have told me, I gave him plenty of opertunities, I have been letting him take the lead and up until now he has come across as being more keen than I am. I know his work is important but he had plenty of time to work out that he would be busy, he could have told me yesterday instead of telling me how excited he was about coming over. I haven't had any more messages from him, he is probably waiting for a reply to his last message but I don't really have a reply. Told dd1 that he isn't coming and she said 'that's men for you, are we still getting pizza?' I said 'no mans going to stop us eating pizza' , so we shall stuff our faces with pizza and watch rubbish Saturday night tv and maybe drink a bottle of wine .

But people have said above that I should meet him tomorrow and see what happens. I don't know what to do. He has told me that he has had to go to several houses today to price up jobs, these people want quotes by Monday so he has to go home and sort out quotes. All does add up, he's not working on a job as such just pricing up jobs. The bit that is annoying me is that he knew on Friday that he had to sort quotes out for Monday (as he told me) but he continues to plan tonight knowing that he would be pushed for time. He should have called it off yesterday?

Anyway, I'm going to try and forget about it for now, He probably won't even bother messaging me back as I have made it quite obvious that I'm not happy.

Love I'm with Smeaton. He's known about this weekend for two weeks. I'd find his cancellation for something that's totally in his control very rude to be honest. In your shoes I'd be cancelling tomorrow and all future tomorrows and if he tries to back pedal I'd stay firm and give him the boot.

lovemusic It does sound a bit of a cop out cancelling just before he's due to meet you. Maybe cold feet but no one knows. It's still shitty behaviour especially as he knew he'd have to work beforehand. I follow everyone else's posts and say be on your guard with him. I hope he at least apologies to you (& enjoy your pizza and wine! )

I've been chatting to MrTall and still not sure if I fancy him. He is great on paper, has a good job, intelligent etc etc but he just doesn't seem to excite me. We're meeting for coffee tomorrow so I'll see how that goes.

Ok so me and Mr first ever went pretty well. Well, got drunk and had a smooch. He seems nice. Wants to meet Wednesday.

Smeaton he wasn't meant to get here until this evening and the plan was if he stayed over we would have longer tomorrow to go out. I think to him going out tomorrow was the highlight, for me him staying the night was the highlight. He wants to get paper work done tonight so we can spend tomorrow together. I really don't know what to do, I usually give people a 2nd chance, he did appolagise in his last text (this morning) whilst explaining that he needs to secure these jobs so he can pay for a trip away at Christmas and some time off. I do feel uneasy about it, I'm hoping he will text me again and put a bit more effort in to appolagising but if he doesn't then I can't see tomorrow happening as I will be too pissed off to even look at him.

See if he turns up tomorrow, if not you have your answer, block and move on.

Me too Smeaton, maybe not everyone's like us but I would have thought most would prefer that. Oh well, his loss I guess

RunsforCake14 is dating someone you sort of want to dump (even if he is the best catch on the market at the moment) better than being single?

Love just from a general male perpective most men would not cancel for anything if they thought sex was clearly on the table. Most would not let the momentary presents of kids put them off too if sex was one the cards. So if i was a guessing man I would say either he has cancelled due to excessive work (as claimed) or maybe an other offer has been put on the table? If I'm right your not secured exclusivity rights with each other yet? Is he still on old? Do you know how many irons he has?

Either way it's bloody annoying. Especially with kids and work is so hard to make arrangements for nights like these, they are so precious. It's gutting. It has happened to me a few times. I'm sure it's happened to most of us. If you do see mountain again face to face, give him the 3rd degree. Try to get a feel if he was totally telling the truth or not.

Presence of kids*