The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

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Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Ha ha, I wish Pog , I am doing the stairs and I wish I had never started, my new carpet is meant to come today or tomorrow and everything is a mess. I should have waited until next week.

User - two dates is even too early for me to say I’m dating someone. I might say I’m seeing someone or I’d been on a few dates. 2 dates does not a boyfriend make! I’d say after a month/6 weeks I’d say I was dating someone.

Great news Flower & Pog!

Love - he’s coming to see you not your house. Surely you just need to clear a path to your bed?

Phoenix your right, will just tidy my room and remove the washing pile .

Only my dd and best mates know I 'date' - that inc fb/fwb.

Partly as I strongly believe in being open and honest with dd, partly for personal safety (best friends know who I'm meeting when, where and on what site I first met them, and I check in with them soon as I'm home).

But other than that it's nobody else's business.

Set ups urgh! My mother worries, she thinks everyone needs a partner (even though she's in a miserable marriage herself), since coming out as bi she also thinks ANY woman my age who is also bi/gay is someone I should meet too bless her.

At the moment I just keep saying I'm happy being single and have enough on my plate. I even have relatively close friends who have no idea and seem to think I've spent the last 15 years celibate

"Surely you just need to clear a path to your bed?"

Sometimes you don't even get that far!

I used to worry about the place being spotless, now as long as clean bedsheets, and not a COMPLETE tip, meh most blokes don't care and not that many women do either.

Hi all
I've name-changed but been here before.
Bit of an odd one. I have been seeing someone for a short while and we have added each other on social media. I am (fairly) confident that he is single at the moment. However his social media history does not quite tally with what he has told me about his relationship history. It not something that would make me dump him, but why would someone lie about it?

Pasta in what way doesn't it add up? Has he not been single as long as he says he has? It does seem odd that he hasn't been open but then added you on social media to see everything.

Yes its the dates that don't add up. He said he split with long term partner several years ago, and had been in a less serious r'ship more recently. But social media suggests sthng different. ITs all a bit odd.

What does it suggest Pasta? Like how much of a difference in dates? What’s the evidence? If it’s “Facebook” in a relationship/not in a relationship people don’t update that in real time.

Pasta it really depends on the difference between what he told you and what his social media portrays.

pasta yes it does depend but it would probably ring always bells with me too. I have deleted every trace of my ex from my Facebook so no one can see when I was with him or even who I was with (i don't want to see it on there either).

Woke up feeling panicky but excited. Mr Mountain coming over later, we are getting a take way and he will be meeting the dd's. I'm still panicking about the exclusive chat, I will probably chicken out. We are spending all day tomorrow together too. We haven't spent this long together, I hope I don't see a different side time him as that's offer the way once I get to this point (spending more time together). Once I had someone stay over for the weekend and after 12 hours I was ready to drive him back to the train station and that was the end of that .

Hi Been, any news on Mr TaiChi? Anything else to report?

Pasta - that doesn't sound good. what is your gut telling you?

Love - how's it going? Did Mr Mountain come over, and how was it?
I have to say I have been to some shocking guy houses. The most surprising people live in strange, cluttered spaces.
graphista, did your guy get back in touch?

Been - I think I may be seeing the equivalent of your ex, who would be so right if only .... this guy is so right except for everything that's wrong. I'm not sure why I'm allowing myself to get involved in something that definitely won't end well

Anti he's over tonight ,I went to his last time, his house is spotless, not a speck of dust but then he has only lived there a few weeks and it's newly decorated so maybe he's not always that tidy? I should be tidying up but instead I'm sat on MN and still in my pj's.

Ok so Mr firsteverold, which can be his name, confirmed time and place yesterday and was super chatty. He does keep suggesting stuff like watching tv shows/him cooking for me which is a slight amber flag (I've had plenty of nights in, thank yoi) but then if he just wants sex that's not really a problem for me either to some extent.....

Anyway- doesn't look like I'm going to be stood up so let's see how it goes.

Good luck love! And don't bottle it- if it's important to you it should be important to him too x

Hi all

I posted couple of times as "pasta" but have n/c back.
The iron with the social media issue has finished it with me, saying he is too busy IRL. I suspect he has moved onto someone new, as he had been fading me out since we DTD. I think it's for the best as alarm bells were ringing all over the shop. He had a series of failed relationships behind them and I think is a bit of a human disaster area. We got on like a house on fire but I couldn't really ignore them.

I'm still on the fence about whether OLD is worth the effort. The iron above and I had a fantastic connection and it's made me realise that I have wasted so much time dating men who were not in the same league.

My track record for meeting men IRL is better, for the amount of effort put in. I've recently started an evening class and am going to join a walking group IRL, which are both things I want to do anyway, and if I meet someone that's a bonus.

I have a date tonight, going to call him Mr Kitchens (he fits kitchens). We started talking on Wednesday, lots of texting and a couple of phone calls, so wanted to meet asap... I don't have the kids this weekend and he's local so meeting for drinks/food...

Morning all!

Rosa the kitchen worktop test doesn't mean he can provide a good selection to choose from AND fit them .

So my testing non-NSA waters date is fixed with Mr TaiChi. He proposed two dates and we're going out to dinner - restaurant of my choosing. I like that very much. It's in a couple of weeks as I'm too busy to date before then and he's very busy too. that gives me a chance to depodge

Recent ex was more available than me and that definitely didn't help things. Mr TaiChi is as busy as I am so that's probably a good thing!

Good luck Love. Don't bottle it. In my experience men appreciate clear communication so figure out your words beforehand and have your chat.

Good luck with that Grinch! Are you just falling down the rabbit hole hopelessly hooked on a Mr Unsuitable?!

Good luck Love - if he’s on the same page your nervousness will be sweet, if he’s not you’re better off without! But agree you need to do it otherwise you’ll just be torturing yourself even more!

Poor Mr Irish is very very ill bless him. Still msging though. I told him that this was definitely the greatest lengths anyone had ever gone to to avoid a second date with me!

Mr BBC got all his major work project finished & moved house yesterday so he was knackered yest but again still msg’d.

Both of them feel different. I’m def not overinvested & they both feel like friends which is actually nice.

phoenix thank you, I'm sure all will go ok, it's just me making a Mountain out of a mole hill. I was messaging him last night and he was being really nice, all the signs I am getting from him indicates he wants a relationship. We shall see how tonight and tomorrow goes meeting my children might scare him off.
Poor Mr Irish, hope he feels better soon though shingles can last for ages.
I kind of double booked myself this weekend, Mr real life messaged me last week asking for a date as he was coming down to stay with one of my family members last night, I didn't hear from him all week so made plans with Mr Mountain (and to be fair I don't want a relationship with mr real life so Mr Mountain trumped him). My real life has now not turned up at family members house, made an excuse about heavy traffic after he messaged me last night and I told him I was now busy.

Spoke too soon. Mr Mountain has cancelled tonight , said he's really busy with work and won't be home until late so won't be over until tomorrow. Feeling a bit pissed off 😠 trying not to write a shitty message back.

Oh love that's super shitty. At least you have a clean house to eat your takeaway in. Could you call Real life?

I'm not sure if real life is still coming down and I think he's shitty with me for saying I can't make this weekend. Mr Mountain messaging me asking if I'm ok, I said 'I'm ok' but obviously I am a bit pissed off after cleaning the house and preparing the kids for someone to be staying over. I shall get a take away with the dd's and watch X factor instead

It could be genuine lovemusic I do think he really likes you he probably just did not want to come over tired from work.

I don't know User ,he's self employed and told me that he doesn't work weekends, now he's message saying he needs the work as he wants to save up to go away at Christmas. He must have know yesterday that he was going to be busy but he spent hours texting me and planning tonight. Just feeling a bit fed up tbh.

Love- see if he turns up tomorrow, if not don't bother again. Without sounding harsh it's a lame excuse.