The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

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Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

No Lovemusic33 don't assume he will delete his just because you deleted yours,nevermind it will come across as a bit full-on.We are so over over-investing,right?
Just have a chat once he's at yours before you do intimate stuff and take it from there. No harm him meeting your kids as a friend though.But I would make decision of him staying over based on the outcome of that conversation,ideally he would delete it there and then.Im so positive haha

Lovemusic - how many dates have you been on with him?

Love - I really think you need to think about this. This is YOU having an issue with it, he probably hasn’t even thought about it. Your focus is more on his profile being up than on him dating other people - I think this is because you’re making YOURSELF crazy constantly checking on him. If you feel like you don’t want to date anyone else then that’s fine but I really think you’re overthinking this. Yes it’s important to you but it might not be to him. I still think it’s a bit early for this chat but if you’re going to have it I think you have it in person on Sat night and make it about exclusivity and NOT the profile. The profile is a red herring.

Love - I really think you need to think about this. This is YOU having an issue with it, he probably hasn’t even thought about it. Your focus is more on his profile being up than on him dating other people - I think this is because you’re making YOURSELF crazy constantly checking on him. If you feel like you don’t want to date anyone else then that’s fine but I really think you’re overthinking this. Yes it’s important to you but it might not be to him. I still think it’s a bit early for this chat but if you’re going to have it I think you have it in person on Sat night and make it about exclusivity and NOT the profile. The profile is a red herring.

The bloody app is stuck on the alias!

Love I agree with Phoenix but I would be exactly the same so completely get it.
Let us know how it goes Saturday.

Thank you, great advice. I need to calm myself down and not over think things. I have been here many times before and haven't felt to need to say anything (until much later on), I think it's just because he seems super keen, talks about things we can do in the future (like it's going to last) but then I think 'well why is he still on POF?'. I will try not to think about it as much and see how Saturday goes, trouble is I can't really send him away once he gets here as he's not coming over until late and is driving quite far, so could be a little awkward. We are going out for a drink sat night and then back to mine so he would have been drinking too.

Love could you call him? Would it be ok to do over the phone?

So, Ive not been around for a while, but some of you might remember me. Back in January I met someone who was here briefly on a work trip, we met, hit it off and he returned to another country (the other side of the world).
Since then me and Mr Overseas have talked or messaged every single day and he has been back here a further two times when we were inseparable. We have declared love and it is pretty much perfect. Apart from the long distance thing.
But in the last 3-4 months we have agreed that our relationship is an open one. We are both happy with that and its working for us. We are still as close as ever despite me having a few dates in that time.
Its not for everyone, but we are thousands of miles apart and can't be together for at least 2 years if not longer. So needs must!
So I am back dating again - but this time not looking for a serious relationship. Just real friendships that are also sexual. I am also upfront about the open relationship and the people i see are fine with it.

Anyone one else experienced anything like this? Im finding it great to still have my independence and have someone who I know loves me.

BTW - he doesn't date because I'm not comfortable with it yet. but he encourages me and loves to hear I am happy or had fun.

Remember- so your relationship is open and you’re dating but you’re not comfortable with him dating??

Lovemusic first you need to stop looking at his profile. OLD is addictive. A bit like checking Facebook every day to see if you've missed something.
He may just be going on there to be nosey about other people. He may be chatting to others. But you don't know.
If he's keen on you then he will stop going online. Talk to him about being exclusive and ignore his profile.

Run I haven't looked at his profile for 5 days , I haven't logged in to POF at all because it was making me feel weird seeing him online when I logged in. I just need to talk to him but I'm useless at these things.

Love I'm another one who agrees with Phoenix. She's got good advice on this one.

Well the 1st of my 3 dates is off.

My Submarine iron didn't reply to my whatsapp confirming the time for tonight (which is exactly the point he disappeared the last time) so after an hour I told him it was off and blocked him.

Have another 1st date tomorrow but accidentally sent him a WhatsApp last night that was meant for my FWB...

Omg awkward

Been able to laugh about it.....a bit ....

love it's a difficult conversation to have. But you have to do it because you're driving yourself crazy thinking about it.
I remember the first time I had to have the exclusive chat. I'd gone over and over in my head what I wanted to say. So when we met I just blurted it out. I couldn't face having to spend the evening waiting for the right moment to say something.
My date just went "ok", got out his phone and asked me how to hide his profile.

Well Runs that's promising or way too full on depending on what date it is.....

Well Irish has come back from his trip with shingles So there will be no dates this week!! I offered to drop groceries, etc off but he said nah, my ex wife already has Thinking I might need to leave that one alone for a bit!!!

Ok, so, thanks partly to this thread I started old. It’s been fun, and I’ve met someone, and been seeing him, it’s sll lovely after years of a miserable marriage.

My question is, how long before I tell people irl that I’m seeing someone?

Lots of well meaning people, my daughter included, want to set me up...what to do?

User - how long has it been? Do you refer to him as your boyfriend/partner? Have you had the exclusivity talk? More details please

It’s very early days, but neither of us seeing anyone else.

I don’t know how I’d refer to him, I feel,so old and unsure...! Good point though.. will think on it.

I started old to have some fun, and cheer myself up. But we started messaging as one of my first contacts, and get in so well (loads of messages, but only two dates in: we live miles from each other)

User you could just tell people you are 'dating someone'? I went out with a friend yesterday and she asked if I was seeing anyone, I just said that I'm 'dating someone, but it's early days'.

Has date number three last night with Mr Samename. Trying not to over invest but he’s so lovely. Seeing him again next week xxx

My Saturday date seems super keen. Texting each morning and chatting lots (but not a weird amount). STBXH is just ignoring my emails about legal stuff so it is a really pleasant diversion...

Trying to expect him to stand me up so no hopes up.

Glad all is going well flower.

pog I hope your date saturdays goes well.

I'm frantically cleaning my house ready for Mr Mountain coming over, his house is spotless and mine is a tip. I'm in the middle of laying carpet so my house looks even more messy than usual.

love is the new carpet just to avoid hoovering? Love your style