New guy - am I being paranoid or are these red flags?

[m0use11]

I met a guy online two weeks ago. On our first date we seemed to click and I do really like him. Saw him again during the week and then last weekend we spent the full weekend together. I stayed over twice this week and am seeing him all this of this weekend.

It's moving quicker than previous relationships I've had and I'm feeling a bit rushed. I'm not sure if this is just a sign that there's a real connection or if I should be feeling uncomfortable? There's a couple of things that have made me a tiny bit unsure but I don't know if I'm being sill.

Tonight I'm off out for a few drinks with friends, preplanned. He was really insistent that he took me out and then that I stayed over at his rather than going back to mine later. This is nice but I now feel under a bit of pressure not to stay out late or get too drunk.

He hasn't yet been to my house and doesn't seem keen on staying round. I have a nice flat and a considerate housemate who I'm sure would go out and give us our own space, so this isn't an issue. He seems really keen for us to 'make house' - This is to the extent where he has starting washing my clothes and buying toiletries when I insisted I needed go home.

He says that all his previous exes have cheated on him or hurt him. This I can believe but I do quite often read this can be a red flag?

He was really insistent on talking about our past exes. My last boyfriend hurt me really badly and I don't want to discuss it but he kept pushing and pushing until I got upset. He apologised but I'm embarrassed.

He does seem to be available all the time. This was a bit of a refreshing change from a lot of men who tend to be busy with work, friends etc most of the weekends but he is always free.

I'm sure I'm just being silly but just wanted to get other opinions?

"Oh stop all having a go. At least she posted in the first place!"

Which is a pointless action if she doesn't stop and think.

She probably will stop and think. But it may take a little time. People are not going to always act immediately just cos Mumsnet said so. However the OP may well move forward with more caution than she otherwise would do.

Op please please have the confidence and strength in yourself to listen to the posters on here and run a bloody mile from this man. You sound like you have really low self esteem and the attention from this man is somehow boosting it, but his behaviour is creepy and weird and signalling very loud alarm bells. Of course he's lovely to you now, it's been two weeks, and you can always convince yourself you have an amazing connection with anyone if you want to see it enough. The truth is he is a potentialally dangerous and abusice man who has sniffed weakness in you and as a pp said, is now circling you like a shark. How you act now could steer the course of the rest of your life, just think about that. How many warnings do you have to have from people on here and similar tales before you will take it seriously? I really hope you have done that and had your own night out last night, well away from him, but sadly I suspect not.

i really hope you take the time to read these replies.

i echo everyone else: this is not a nice man and these are red flags.

thank god you've got a good friend. keep your friend, ditch the abuser.

Guaranteed that this guy will start to make noises about your friends as soon as he meets them. Look out for 'they don't like me', 'they're trying to come between us', 'isn't it nicer when it's just us' and similar comments. He will slowly drive wedges between you and the people who love and care about you in order to get control over you and remove those 'influences' who might help you see sense. Please please just bear that in mind and when you start hearing the things that everyone on here has told you he will say, take that as proof that we know what we're talking about and you need to take this seriously.

Why are you accepting behaviour that makes you uncomfortable? You need to value yourself and your own judgement more. Please be careful

Eddie - I was the good friend, I told her exactly what I thought and tried to warn her. I've been ditched, not the fucking idiot she's involved with. It's frightening how quickly someone can take over every aspect of someone's life. It's so frustrating.

Hope you're ok op and safe.

OP you don't sound very confident or assertive, so he's picked an easy target.

Break up with him now, block him and get some counselling to address your confidence issues.

Please, please listen to the wise people on this thread, there are so many red flags it's worrying you are still trying to see the best in him when he's already controlling so many aspects of your life. Can you see that now?

Is she with him now userxx ?

Bluit - yes she is. He moved into her house after a month or two. I have no idea how she didn't see the red flags, they were so obvious. . It's depressing.

userxx
Eddie - I was the good friend, I told her exactly what I thought and tried to warn her. I've been ditched, not the fucking idiot she's involved with. It's frightening how quickly someone can take over every aspect of someone's life. It's so frustrating.

So sorry to hear that, hope you have other more faithful friends.. Despite 100% of posters saying the same thing, I get the feeling that she won't do anything and I doubt she will be back to the thread.

She will ignore the advice, think we don't know what we're talking about as we don't know "the real him" Oh dear...... OP PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES!!!!

This. Is. ABUSE!!!!!!!

I'm confused. How can he have moved into her house after a month or two when she only met him 2 weeks ago?

He moved into her house after a month or two.

Forgive me, I'm not sure I understand userxx...I thought she met him two weeks ago?

Am I missing something?

Northern I was confused too! But user isn't literally the friend in this story, she's just saying she's been in that position.

Ah, I see now!

Ah, me too !

Ha ha. Sorry ladies didn't mean to confuse!

This all feels strangely calculated to raise the collective blood pressure of the MN reationships board. Are you deliberately ignoring everything people are explaining to you, OP, or is it a case of
'there's none so blind than those who will not see'?

Hope you're ok, OP. I completely agree with what everyone else said, by the way. Run as fast and as far as you can.

Wow. Please open your eyes OP. You've had some really good advice here.

OP is listening guys...It's unfair to tell her what to do and then get cross if she doesn't immediately act on your advice

Exactly. MN is great for advice but why do so many posters get funny when an OP doesn't immediately say "Yes, you're right, I'll dump him right away". Dear god, let her digest what you're telling her.

OP, at the very least be more assertive. Bit late now, but if you don't want him to join you in town another time just say "No, I'm catching up with my friends, I'll see you another time". Practice saying no. A over keen but decent man will be fine. A not so decent man will keep on until he's persuaded you round to his way, or go sulky or aggressive etc. See how he behaves when you stick to your guns and he doesn't get his way. That's the test.

Ok so last night I did go out however he ended up meeting me after an hour or so and we then went on to a different bar, just the two of us.

I have taken all the comments on board and will try to look out for any other signs. He has been lovely today.

So you ditched your friends shortly into a planned night out? He’s a manipulative arsehole. Of course he’s being nice, he’s totally controlling you. I absolutely despair for you