He had sex with me without a condom and I didn't know

[Beansandqueens]

I've recently been struggling with my mental health and have spent a week straight at home alone as I have been signed off from work.

A guy I was dating for a few weeks last year recently got in touch and asked if I wanted to go over to his last night. From what I can remember he was a sweet guy but things just fizzled out. I really wanted some company so I told him that I wasn't feeling that great and might not be the best company but decided to go anyway. I really just wanted to have a chat with someone familiar and take my mind off things for a while and also just lie next to someone.

He started to kiss me which I went along with but then he tried to initiate sex. I explained I am on tablets that make me not want to have sex (it was an excuse really to get out of it) but he was so persistent that I felt at the time it would be easier to just let him and then I could sleep. We had sex with a condom and I explicitly explained that I had just had my coil removed so to not come near me without one.

After that, I tried to go to sleep but he tried to initiate sex again by rubbing himself on me while my back was turned and he put a condom on. I told him I didn't want sex so he just carried on wanking and rubbing himself on me from behind. I just lay there hoping he would finish himself off and I could sleep but then he put it inside and at this point I just wanted him to finish.

It only lasted a few seconds and he pulled out to cum but when I felt the cum I realised he wasn't wearing a condom. I left as soon as I woke up this morning and he has been texting saying sorry.

I'm so angry that he not only pressured me into having sex but now I have to go through all the embarrassment of finding somewhere open today that sells the morning after pill.

I just feel used and disgusting and my anxiety is through the roof now! I can't believe I let this happen and that my judgement of people is so poor. I know I should have been firmer about saying no and just left his house but I really hate conflict and felt quite vulnerable last night.

I feel 100 times worse and should have just stayed at home where I know I am safe.

I guess I just needed to vent here as I do t have anyone I can talk to about this IRL.

[Offred]

I know deep down I've done the right thing in reporting him. I would urge anyone who has been through this to report as it had made me feel so much more assertive about my body

I’m so glad this is how you are feeling. It’s felt similarly for me. Like shining a light in the darkness so even though I now see the scary things I didn’t before I now know what is in there.

It’s not a walk in the park but I have found it healing, no matter what happens to him. In fact as time goes on one of the best things has been the ability to care for myself and his existence has become more and more irrelevant to me.

[Offred]

And re the arrest it may take a little while due to the new bail system. You should have the details of the officer dealing with it. If you don’t then get onto the ISVA because they can chase that up for you and find out.

[Ginorchoc]

Hi Bean, have you be allocated an officer as a point of contact?? If not you should be!

They won't always arrest on the day you provide the statement, it'll be at a point that they have enough evidence to put to him.

They'll only have so much 'clock' time to hold him so will want to be as efficient as possible with that time. If he is represented by legal representation, disclosure will be requested so they need to ensure they are ready so don't be surprised if it is a little while but it shouldn't be too long. They'll most likely need your text messages as they sound vital from what you have said.

It is a long process so try not be too disheartened, you've done a something very brave, I hope that doesn't sound patronising but you really have!

Be aware that he also might be bailed but you are entitled to be updated on your case.

If he contacts you I wouldn't engage but save the messages/voicemails.

[Beansandqueens]

Hi, sorry for the late reply. I've had a really difficult few days. I've finally been in touch with the officer dealing with my case and they tried to interview him Saturday but said he wasn't at home.

He tried to call me yesterday but because he is blocked it didn't go through.

Why on earth would he try to call me??

[Beansandqueens]

Oh and I've definately come on my period which is such a relief. That you again everyone for all your helpful advice and support. I couldn't have done this without you all!!!

[ParanoidBeryl]

Make sure you tell the investigating officer that the man has tried to contact you. Does he know where you live?

[Beansandqueens]

I tried to call but had to leave a message as she only works part time. He doesn't know where I live but knows where I work

[ParanoidBeryl]

Can you speak to colleagues / switchboard and tell them that you are dealing with an issue in your personal life at the moment and to ensure they don't transfer any unknown callers to your extension?

Are you in a public facing role where he could come to your place of work?