Best way to explain to husband that I don't like him pointing out which women he finds attractive?

[Tatiana1986]

Well, as per title really. He doesn't hold back when he sees someone attractive and it's really hurtful it makes me feel inadequate and even uglier than I already do.
He says finding other people attractive is normal and it doesn't mean he doesn't find me attractive. I can logically understand that but my heart sinks every time.

How could I put it to him without sounding unhinged? Thank you.

Just be honest with him.

He's a bit of a tool by telling you directly, part of me thinks it may be a neg tactic.

There's a huge difference between finding someone attractive or even visualising sex with someone other than your partner when DTD but, telling them isn't on.

Do it back to him. Start listing the men you find attractive and why.

It’s rude.

Just tell him that while finding people attractive may be normal, telling your wife is extremely bad manners (and not normal).

If he won’t stop doing something that hurts you, that doesn’t make him
A good husband or a even an averagely nice person.

Start telling him in detail which men you find attractive. Should get the point across!

IMO there is nothing wrong with finding other people attractive but making it clear you find them attractive to your partner is disrespectful. Especially if it is causing your partner distress.

It depends on what he's saying,if he says in a matter of fact manner, is my mates new girlfriend is attractive I do nt see it as an issue.if it's a more sexual comment then I can understand why it hurts.
I suggest you work on your self esteem as going through life feeling unattractive is no way to live. Speak to your GP and then take up activities that make you happy.

Tell him you agree and it’s a shame he’s never have a chance with them as they are out of his league and you are only doing him out of pity

Darling I know it's normal to find other people attractive, but when you point them out to me I feel inadequate and even uglier than I already do. In furture if you see someone who you think is attractive please keep it to yourself.

I used to be with someone like this.

So one day in the supermarket I did the same. As a good looking guy walked past, I stopped dead and stared openly at him, turning my head to continue staring at him for as long as possible.

Strangely enough, my ex didn't like it.

I used to have this with my dp. We had a chat where he explained that he was raised by a photographer so found beauty interesting. I called bullshit as if that really was the case he would openly be admiring attractive males, buildings, landscape views etc. He did understand my point of view and now keeps it to himself. If he hadn't stopped I couldn't have carried on the relationship as I'm fugly and I know it I'm a bit insecure regarding my appearance. He chose to respect my feelings which means a lot to me, even though I believe I wasn't entirely rational to ask him to.

Speak to dh and go from there

Have you told him you dont like it and he still does it?
Do it back to him, with enthusiasm. If he objects, tell him he's overreacting. See how it makes him feel.

Urgh

I'd find this really creepy if my partner was doing this

It's disrespectful. I agree that it's normal to find other people attractive but it's not normal to feel the need to point them out to your partner.

So I presume your partner finding other women attractive and going Phwoooar! in his head is not a problem. It only is a problem if he tells you?

I don’t get it.

Second previous PPs in that you might be best working on your own self-esteem and feeling good in yourself. It is a myth that once married/ in a relationship, people lose all ability to find others attractive. They well might, but your partner is making a choice to stay with you. Is it not worth more than some passing pretty face or arse?

Thank you all.

Basically, it goes

'Ooh nice'

'She's got lovely legs'

'Have you seen them tits'

'There's something about her'

Etc

He says it doesn't bother him when I do the same.

I'll just have to stop letting it affect me, right?

I could not be with someone who objectified women in that way in front of me.

@Just wondering, when it's in his head it doesn't bother me. What I don't know can't hurt me. And Yes, he says beauty is only skin deep and what we have is way more important. I guess I just wish I was one of them girls

No! You don't have to get used to it.

None of those comments are necessary. It doesn't matter if he wouldn't be bothered. You are bothered.

Tell him you don't want to hear those comments. He is to keep them in his head.

Then if he won't, you've got to ask yourself why not?

There is no reason to make those comments aloud. If he keeps on, he must get something big out of making you feel uncomfortable.

LTB

Have you seen them tits.

I would tell him "Darling Husband, when you behave and talk like a creepy old letch it makes my skin crawl. Stop it".

@imoverlyengaged love your input I'll take it with a pinch of salt

He sounds extremely crass, and I'm a sex worker FFS.

Has he only recently started doing this? Surely if he pulled these childish stunts before you married, you never would have married him?

I couldn't tolerate this he sounds pathetic. I wouldn't be with someone who objectified women like this anyway.

At the tits comment I scrolled back up to see whether he was DP or DH and my first thought was 'oh shame' when I saw the word husband.

Take the previous LTB with all the salt you want but it would be my advice too. Those kind of comments say SO much about him. He sound like the kind of letchy bellend women cross the road to avoid. Bleurgh.

That is an immature and disgusting way to talk. He isn't on the playground with his little mates, trying to look big.

Bare minimum he should stop it because it upsets you.
Best he should stop thinking it because it's creepy and objectifying.

Short of either of those, don't get used to it, get rid.

He sounds like a rude, sexist dick.