Best way to explain to husband that I don't like him pointing out which women he finds attractive?

[Tatiana1986]

Well, as per title really. He doesn't hold back when he sees someone attractive and it's really hurtful it makes me feel inadequate and even uglier than I already do.
He says finding other people attractive is normal and it doesn't mean he doesn't find me attractive. I can logically understand that but my heart sinks every time.

How could I put it to him without sounding unhinged? Thank you.

Yuck. He's speaking about women like they're pieces of meat. Grim.

Defo do it back. Wow that guy's really muscly. I bet he has a massive knob. Oh you don't like it DH? Bless you. I still love you darling. That Tom Hardy, I'd give him a right good rodgering... etc.

What's he insecure about? He may think he's a god physically so he's not worried about you lusting after other bodies but there has to be a chink somewhere. "Oh look at Julie's DH. He's a big earner. Oooh". "Look at Dave running football club with all those kids worshipping him". "Oh Freda's DH is such a good husband" Anything. All accompanied by a wistful sigh.
Or poke the twat in the gonads and tell him to pack it in before you fuck off with someone respectful.

So he lacks empathy, objectifies women, deliberately continues to do so despite knowing it bothers you...he's a prick. That's all.

I wouldn't even want to spend five minutes next to him on a bus. And you're going to live your ONE LIFE with that as your husband?!

Ugh.

I bet the op has tried every we've suggested, and he does it anyway. That's why no follow up from her. I also bet there are other problems with his behavior.

Of course op will have tried all these "simple" solutions suggested here

Nobody comes to MN for advice unless they have run out of ideas

Op....time to decide whether you want to live like this or not. It really is that simple.

So he's an arsehole misogynist.

LTB.

And tell him it's "those" tits, for the love of god.

It's not normal. It is extremely misogynistic to constantly sexualise women going about their daily lives. He is putting you back in your place as his sexual toy every time he does it too and he is saying, "you'd better try harder to keep me, because you're not really measuring up.
It is very jarring, when you are going about your daily life, to be suddenly reminded that you exist to your partner only as his sexual play thing. It is very calculated, he doesn't want you getting any ideas about yourself (like you're a person with as much right to occupy space as him).

Thank you all very much, your advice is very valuable.
I was mostly expecting to be told to stop being a snowflake but can see it's not the case.

And you didn't dump him during the dating stage when he did this because? He's a misogynist twat. What Bana said.

What an arsehole. Why is he talking to you like you’re one of the lads. Total creep. Honestly I’d bin that faster than he could say “nice pair”.

"Have you seen them tits?"

"I'm not into tits sweetheart. Well, apart from you"

Are you dating Benny Hill?

Yuck, was he this much of a creepy bastard when you were dating?

Reminds me of my own experience a little - because my ex was more confident than me, I often bought his reasoning and swallowed my own feelings, thinking they were stupid. Took me twenty years to realise this was wrong! Still crippled sometimes by deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy but that realisation has helped. Hope you are faster on the uptake than me ... don't even like to ask if you have kids with him...

@bluntness he actually prides himself on acting the same around me as he does around everyone else, including lads. His opinion is that he is being totally honest with me and it's a positive factor.

@bluntness he actually prides himself on acting the same around me as he does around everyone else, including lads. His opinion is that he is being totally honest with me and it's a positive factor.

When we were dating he concentrated on me so no, he didn't point out how much he fancied other women.
Also, he insists that finding someone attractive and fancying them are two different things. I don't know whether that's true.

So he acted one way until he felt he owned you, and than showed his true self?

And he doesn't care how you feel?

Sounds like he doesn't respect women at all

His opinion is that he is being totally honest with me and it's a positive factor.
And your opinion is that it's very negative. But his opinion counts and yours doesn't, right? He wins every time.

he insists that finding someone attractive and fancying them are two different things
They are, depending on context. (If you say you fancy a stranger, that's basically saying that they are attractive, as you have little chance of hopping in bed with them anyway.) But he's not saying "Gosh, isn't that lady over there pretty", is he? He's being a creepy lech. That's what is unpleasant. Not whether or not he fancies her.

His opinion is that he is being totally honest with me and it's a positive factor.

I seriously doubt that he is honest with you about everything. He thinks of women as objects (or he wouldn't speak this way), therefore he thinks of YOU as an object, therefore he has zero reason to be honest with you.

He is just trying to mess with your head with this line. He is trying to both be a completely degrading cunt at the some moment and through the same behavior he proves to you how trustworthy he is. Don't buy that he is trustworthy part. This is not proof that he is honest with you, quite the opposite.

He sounds vile,
Do you have dcs?
Would he do the same to them and constantly point out children who are far better than they are in his eyes?
Look at young jimmy, he is the best footballer on this time by far. He scores the most goals is the fastest, etc.
I bet when he's older he will earn a lot more more money that you son because he is better than you. He is also better looking. Look at his legs wow . Etc etc .......

Creepier still - imagine him talking to your 12 year daughter this way about her friends, and then say that it's ok because he's just being honest.

Massive chav from the the way you describe him speaking, plus a disgusting human being, perving on women in the street. Ick.

Have you seen them tits.

I'd be pointing out that it's "those" tits and then dump him. There's no way I'd be with someone who treated other women and myself so disrespectfully.

In fact, I did dump someone once and it was the talking disrespectfully about other women angle I took. Particularly when he was staring at younger women. I told them they deserved to be able to go about their daily lives without a man old enough to be their dad staring at them.

This guy is either devoid of empathy or on a pathetic power trip, whether he realises it or not.

I completely disagree with some of the comments on here that are advising you to sink to his level and start demonstrating the same low life behaviour. He might actually think it's funny and feel emboldened to carry on as you try to outdo each other. Seriously don't lower yourself - you deserve better.