Best way to explain to husband that I don't like him pointing out which women he finds attractive?

[Tatiana1986]

Well, as per title really. He doesn't hold back when he sees someone attractive and it's really hurtful it makes me feel inadequate and even uglier than I already do.
He says finding other people attractive is normal and it doesn't mean he doesn't find me attractive. I can logically understand that but my heart sinks every time.

How could I put it to him without sounding unhinged? Thank you.

'Have you seen them tits', what a charmer.

When he knows you don't like it (for whatever reason), and does it anyway, he's saying "Stuff what you think, I'm going to act how I like even though I know it hurts you".

Fine, you chose to marry someone who looks at women like a piece of meat, but that doesn't mean "you've made your bed and now you have to lie in it", no.

I have friends who both talk about men/women they find attractive: makes me cringe.

Start pointing out handsome men...

Have you got a daughter together by any chance? Or nieces etc.. If so gently remind him when she's older if the world were full of men like him that's how she would be objectified! He shouldn't be saying it infront of you even if he thought it, that's what gives it the extra "creep factor"

I'm sure he doesn't start talking to himself when he sees attractive women on his own...so why does he do it with you.

I'd do the same. "Look at the muscles on him" "his arms look amazing" or better still don't go out with him.

The problem is you've tolerated it and it's become acceptable to him.

LTB may sound harsh but if he doesn't stop doing it then what else are you going to do? Stick with him while you grow more and more insecure?

I wouldn't take that from DH and I have more respect for him than to openly ogle other men, let alone tell him. I think it's disrespectful to both you and the other women.

I know DH work colleagues talk about women that way, maybe DH does with them, but he would never ever say anything in earshot of me because he knows there would be a massive problem.

eurgh, he sounds cringey

I dont mind my partner finding people attractive, but id be pissed off with those sort of comments. Its really disrespectful, both of you, and of the women hes leching over

I dot think imoverlyengaged is joking and I feel the same to be honest

Your DH sounds like a massive creep. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that.

'Ooh nice'

'Have you seen them tits'

Eugh. Just eugh.

If you ditched him, bet your self esteem would increase immediately. He sounds horrible.

Tell him that his comments are just fucking rude and disrespectful, and that the fact he keeps making them despite you saying it bothers you, is causing you to lose respect for him.

Don't tell him how inadequate it makes you feel...

Just tell him he's behaving like a rude twat and you are getting thoroughly bored with it now.

Also, that him continuing talking like a teenager out of the Inbetweeners, when you have asked him not to, is making it seem like he is uncaring, stupid, disrespectful, childish, unappreciative....

In other words focus on how it makes him look to you (like a rude prick) not how it makes you feel in comparison to all these women he makes comments about, the sad git.

Stop trying to see this as normal and healthy, and something you just have to put up with.

He is a knob

Try replying with, "I really couldn't give a tiny rat's arse, you grammatically bereft stinky fuckweasel."

Crikey if my dh did that I couldn't be so polite about it.
If you have already told him how it makes you feel and he carrries on anyway time to change tact.

Next time he does it wherever you may be stop dead look him in the eye mouth open and ask if he just really said that out loud and did he actually mean to make himself look like a letchy arrogant prick because that's how he looks!

If he isn't shocked by your response and comes back with an excusing cocky response say again loudly that how unappealing and what a turn off for crap like that to come out of his mouth. I would then say no wonder I don't find you attractive at the moment dh with that arrogance and attitude towards women.

Walk off and see if he does it ever again.

That would really put me off my dh if he behaved like that to be honest

I think he is doing it to hurt you tbh. What man says 'look at them tits' to his wife. Yes it is normal to find other people attractive, but to keep banging on about it isn't on. He sounds like an arse.

Another alternative... "I find it a real turn off when you did that/It repels me when you do that"

Rather than discussing the comments, I'd go for, "You have to care about how I feel. If you don't, we really don't have a marriage."

For me, that would be a true statement. My DH does have to care about how I feel, even on topics that we don't agree on. If he stops caring, I'm out of here.

The fact that you've told him you don't like it more than once and that he continues to do it is a massive red flag. Are their others? Does he do or say other things that make you feel bad?

"Basically, it goes

'Ooh nice'

'She's got lovely legs'

'Have you seen them tits'

'There's something about her'

Etc"

So basically you say..

Ooh nice.

Hes got great biceps.

Have you seen the outline of his cock through his jeans MASSIVE.

Theres just something about him!

I couldn't go home and have sex with someone who said "look at them tits" - it's not attractive. It actually makes me feel a bit nauseous.

Why are you putting up with this shit?

This is one of the rudest things (maybe THE rudest) a man can do to his partner.
I hope you don't have kids with this creep so you can dump him if he continues with this shit.

I couldnt be married to this guy

Deeply unattractive behaviour

He despises women and he despises ypu

You can ask him if he ever wants sex with you again, and if the answer is yes then he needs to pack that the fuck in. I find it helps to be as blunt and rude as possible as he clearly has a rhino hide and no finer sensibilities.

An ex-friend of DH's used to do this. I once pulled him up on it after a particularly tedious evening of him leching openly at waitresses and nearly any women who walked past while his poor fiancee tried to to pretend it wasn't happening.

The last straw was when they were at our house waiting for a taxi and the TV was on. He did made some particularly moronic comment about a woman on the screen and I lost my patience and told him that neither us nor his fiancee needed to know which random women he'd like to fuck. She immediately agreed and thanked me for bringing it up. He was less pleased and didn't speak to me again.

I just couldn't have any interest in a man who "look at them tits" (or even those tits - the grammar isn't the worst of that line!)

Even without the disrespect of saying it to you, and the sheer nastiness of doing so even though it upsets you.

What kind of under developed person actually does that?

Are you dating Benny Hill?

I just couldn't be with someone who would say that.

I'll just have to stop letting it affect me, right?

Or you could seriously look at why you're with a guy who thinks it's all right to a) obnoxiously comment on another woman's breasts in the first place, and b) say it to you, when you've clearly expressed that you don't like it.

You say it makes you feel inadequate and "even uglier than I already do." If I were you, I would work on your own self-esteem to the point where you don't feel so awful about yourself that you're prepared to stay with someone who disrespects your boundaries and other women in general.

I would also find this behaviour a right fanny dryer.