Is this normal behaviour?

[changeusernameforthisonen]

My partner left the family home last night supposedly temporarily after a row about her lack of ability to seem to be able to get out of bed on a weekend before mid day despite having an 8 year old step daughter to parent .

My question ?
Would you expect this behaviour of your partner?
She says she wants space and it's completely normal to leave for days post an argument . My opinion is that it's not ok to just leave the family home in a moments whim . For context we have been together 6 years , one Dd ( mine ) planned baby in next couple of years

OP in no way are you unreasonable and in no way are you expecting too much.
Your partner sounds like she is doing exactly as she pleases with no concern or care for you or DD
You and DD deserve better

Partner is 37, op is 5 years younger.
Partner went to her family when she stormed out.

Imo partner is bvu in having the tv on in the bedroom when op is trying to sleep, whatever time that may be.
As for the lie ins, I would compromise - Saturday she gets the lie in to whatever time she wants, Sunday she's ready to engage with the family by 10am (or whatever).

I wouldn't be too bothered about her removing herself from the house following arguments though it does indicate an immaturity which is worrying.

I certainly wouldn't be having children with her or making any kind of legal partnership (marriage/property) etc. without significant improvement in the issues.

Why does she need to lie in until 2pm, is she a teenager? If you are having a child together and are a family she needs to treat the children exactly the same.
It could be because she is not a mum herself yet she doesn't yet understand the responsibilities involved with being a mum, she will be in with a rude awakening.
It is not reasonable to just flounce off after an argument, very immature.
I couldn't live with someone who lies in bed all day.

As a trained mediator, I wouldn't give advice to the ops partner, especially not based on explanations given by the OP who clearly not only sees conflict, but her own view as the only acceptable one.

trained mediator

Who are you currently offering your services to Trump of Kim Jong un?

Oh come on scary... this is someone upset and confused posting on MN.

This is not mediation and no-one has requested your professional services...

op, this is no way to live. It is unbelieveably selfish of your partner to watch tv all night, then sleep until lunch time. Even if I didn't have children, I wouldn't want to be with someone who did this at your ages. Are you certain she is not depressed? She is choosing to watch tv at night rather than spending time with her family in the day. It is so sad for you and your dd. It seems even worse given that she has every other weekend without dd, when she can 'lie in'(sleep all day).
She is not only removing herself from your weekends together, but to be also preventing you from sleeping is so so selfish.
I hardly ever post on these types of thread, but i genuinely think, if after serious discussions/ultimatums she is unable/unwilling to change, you need to reevaluate whether this is good enough for you and your daughter.

Lord save us from trained mediators!!

I think if she has always been like this she isn't likely to change, Tbh I don't know how you have put up with it so long.
The rest of it her leaving and the messages back and fourth about her coming back, Honestly she sounds like a drama queen and like she has you where she wants you, Almost like she likes to keep you on your toes. Dump her, Its less hassle.

Oh come on scary... this is someone upset and confused posting on MN.

This is not mediation and no-one has requested your professional services...

This^

Please stop trying to mess with the OP's head and leave the thread. If you really area trained mediator, you need to think about whether your input is genuinely helpful to the people you are working with. it certainly isn't here.

You are a mediator who wouldn't mediate. Oh. That makes sense.

I'm also a trained lie detector machine and I think you are talking shite.

You say it isn't helpful, but you don't really know.

Fingerout you are confusing mediator with arbitrator.

Oh yay, scary clown's drunk again!

Scary I find your posts very upsetting

This is a serious life situation with children involved and your arm chair diagnosis is quite frankly not needed or wanted .

I do not believe you are a mediator you are too goady, I have been to mediation with my ex husband so have a little experience

Just ignore her. Honestly.

You say you don't have a choice about her coming back. You DO, it is your house, not hers. You can put the key in the inside lock to prevent her coming in. I bloody would. She has no right to be there if you don't want her.

She is a selfish cow. She doesn't care about you, staying up til 3am disturbing you with the TV. Why do you let her walk all over you and bully you? My dh would go crazy at this, it's extremely disruptive for you.

Woman up, stop allowing her to bully you. Please don't have a child with her, she won't change. Get yourself and your dad out the door, stop dancing to her tune and letting her dictate when you go out. You're wasting your day and your dd's. Just go out.

How are you OP?

I'm ok had a very relaxed night . Dp stayed in a different room, there's been zero conversation and therefore I've had the space I've needed to think

I'm hoping tomorrow we can talk and try to come up with a clear plan of action

That's something at least.

What strikes me is that she's not allowing you to have space to really think about this with her dramatic flounces and then turning up again when she feels like it.

Hopefully, you've shifted the TV out of the bedroom before she gets stuck in.

Pick it's only at weekends. She's in bed by 11 on week days for work

Early at the weekend is 10am

Bloody hell, I languished in bed until 8, yesterday. It was quite decadent.

Yeah, me too. I get up at 6.45am on weekdays and feel lying in till 8.30 is massively decadent. If I woke up at 12 it would only be because I was really ill.

Pick it's only at weekends. She's in bed by 11 on week days for work

And that's fine if that's what she wants to do, but seriously, why doesn't she watch telly in a different room? You've not explained why it has to be in the bedroom while you're trying to sleep.

I'm a night owl (see time of post). I don't inflict it on my family. This, in itself, has caused problems because the truth is that when I'm indulging my love of late-night movie splurges, I'm missing potential intimacyboth physical and emotionalwith my husband. So I have basically stopped doing this (he's out of town tonight, hence me on Mumsnet).

Still, I do get up at a decent time most days and we take care of our children, regardless of how little sleep I've had.

Move the telly out of the bedroom.

What you need to appreciate is that, although yes your child should be treated the same, you also need time on your own with your child. Perhaps it's her way of having a "day off" rather than waiting for her, just go out for the day with your child. Unfortunately it's just one of those things but she's not the mother to your child, it just isn't the same. Sleeping for a long time is a sign of depression, maybe she needs support rather than you having a go? Try a different approach? It's not normal behaviour to up and leave for days. She's clearly needing time to herself; maybe you're expecting a bit too much of her?