Is this normal behaviour?

[changeusernameforthisonen]

My partner left the family home last night supposedly temporarily after a row about her lack of ability to seem to be able to get out of bed on a weekend before mid day despite having an 8 year old step daughter to parent .

My question ?
Would you expect this behaviour of your partner?
She says she wants space and it's completely normal to leave for days post an argument . My opinion is that it's not ok to just leave the family home in a moments whim . For context we have been together 6 years , one Dd ( mine ) planned baby in next couple of years

Not at all. You just can't hear me.
I'm not judging as such, I imagine it's not your fault, you are simply unable to see what I am describing.. which is exactly what I said the problem is.

You are doing a good job of illustrating that you behave in a completely judgemental way, but you need to understand why this causes the reactions it elicits and feel why it is unhelpful. You may not be able to. I suspect the same issue was manifest in your previous relationships too.

For example 'holding to account' it suggests you feel there is an absolute law, that she must 'explain herself' to. This is about as judgemental as I can imagine.

Okay scaryclown. So its perfectly acceptable to see weekend mornings as lie in time when you have children. So, if myself and my husband both see it as lie in time. Who will watch the kids?

You are talking nonsense, grown adults with children's and responsibilities don't get lie in's. Unless it's arranged with their partner and they take turns and are both happy with the situation.

Op, you don't seem like you see this as a deal breaker and instead want to resolve it. Which is completely your prerogative, we all have different expectations. Why not suggest to your partner that she has one late night/lie in a weekend and one night where she gets a decent sleep and then up early and you can all go out for the day.

quit the high handed shit. Then explore why you are like this.

I agree that both people in a relationship should explore their behaviour and strive to understand the other. No person's way of life is necessarily better and it has a lot to do with compatibility.

I would suggest, however, that at least one of the reasons OP is "like this" is because she's not getting any fucking sleep on weekends because her partner's telly watching is keeping her awake until a time of night/morning that is generally considered incompatible with caring for primary-age children.

It seems clear that the problems in the relationship go deeper than lie-ins and sleep deprivation. It doesn't appear that either of you have an abundance of understanding for the other. It is certainly confusing to hear one thing yet see another, but mostly it sounds as though you are detaching from one another, which is very sad.

OP have you questioned why you've tolerated the lie-ins and telly for six years, and why it is coming to a head only now?

Scaryclown, bugger off with your amateur psychoanalysing! You are talking absolute nonsense about a relationship you only have limited information on.

Sigh.
One partner sees being up early as essential at the weekends.. So early is sorted.
The other sees sleeping in late and being about and alert in the evening as essential at weekends.
Any guess what a mature solution might be?
But that's not the real issue here.

It's not about sleep deprivation, or the language would be 'i' m so tired' or 'i can't wake up in the morning' what's being said here, over and over that the ops partner must atone for her sins against the op.

As I say, you don't have to listen, it's up to you.

She moved in with you knowing you had a daughter, knowing living with you and your daughter would mean she'd play a big part in your daughters life. So yes I agree with you that shes taking the piss abit by making plans as a family then staying in bed all morning so the family plans can't start till she's up and ready. Its silly of her to say she wants to go out for the day with you yet still lay in bed. But you're being abit silly too by not just going out instead of waiting around all day then moaning about it.

Scary clown I'm finding your posts really unhelpful and aggressive and a bit strange .

Also if you get married she'd be a step PARENT so yes she should also take on some parental responsibility.

Keeping you awake at night is cruel. Not a loving action at all. I wouldn't do it to someone I disliked! Never mind the rest of it.

I know. You will do. I'm performing the correct role and not allowing you to avoid the issue. As I said, the problem is that you don't understand (yet, maybe? ).

I'm a trained mediator.

What is the difference in your ages?

You are not unreasonable.

A lie in is 10am.

If she wants to be a fully functioning parent with you then she supports you and you agree your parenting style/rules together.

I'm a trained mediator

Or President Trump? We can't be sure of either behind a screen

Why are you performing your role when the op clearly isn't interested in your trained mediator help 😂

*She is not unreasonable.

Early at the weekend is 10am.

If you want to be a fully functioning parent with her then you support her and you agree your parenting style/rules together*.

Can you see my point?

I'm not sure what isnthe relevance of a poster being a trained mediator and them expressing a POV on a thread such a this one

OP I think the question as to why you have accepted her lie in until 12.00pm for so long is a good one.

I haven't accepted it , I have mentioned it before as an issue on a number of times.

I'm trying to see the good and Make allowances for the fact Dd is not biologically hers

I'm trying to see the good and Make allowances for the fact Dd is not biologically hers

IMO this is the root of the problem. She's taking the piss. When you 'make allowances' and 'see the good' with someone who is taking the piss just leaves you mugged off.

I work with people who abuse their partners. This is something we would absolutely consider to be unhealthy behaviour - that is, the walking out without warning but not necessarily the staying in bed or not agreeing.

You need a conversation about both of your expectations about parenting as a step parent.

May I ask, is there an age gap between you? Because while you're not entirely unjustified in your complaints (missing family time by staying in bed late, the importance of treating step siblings equally) your tone is troubling. It's that of a parent dealing with a naughty child. You make it sound as if she has to hit certain behaviour targets before you'll reward her with your 'support' to have a baby. You aren't speaking about her like a partner or an equal.

Do you know where she is going when she storms out?

OP you are not being unreasonable. MN is a very odd place at the moment.

I think your DP should be able to compromise to have her late nights and lie ins in the weekends you don't have your DD, and then get up and be part of the family the rest of the time.

If she isn't willing to do that then I would personally be thinking long and hard about what the future with her was likely to look like and whether I wanted it.

As a trained mediator, what would be your advice to the partner, who watches television in bed knowing she is keeping OP awake until very late hours?

OP have you moved the trllybyet? Seriously, move the fucking telly.