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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH went out after pregnancy scan and isn't home

336 replies

AWOLDh · 13/09/2017 21:07

I'm trying to keep this vague in case someone recognises me but hopefully it will still make sense.

I had my first pregnancy scan today for our second DC.
We have a DD together , it took a long time to conceive DD and we had a couple of failed ivf attempts before we eventually had her.

So I always wanted 2 DCs, DH wanted 1. However after having DD he decided that he wanted to try for another. But I think in part he said yes because I wanted 2.
I fell pregnant on our first attempt and we were both a bit shocked at first as we were expecting it too take longer and the gap between the DCs is closer than expected. But once it sank in I was over the moon and DH said he was too.

So to today, we are at my first scan and the scan showed twins. Both of us were shocked and DH asked her to check again which she did and assured us it is twins.

So We left the room and DH said actually he had to go out and think and he needed space. He said that this wasn't part of the plan and he had to think. I said oh ok and didn't really question it.
He has been gone for hours, he has missed dinner and DDs bedtime.
I text him to ask when he is coming home but he hasn't replied.

I am zigzaging between being worried about him and being angry with him. I'm not sure if I should call him or if that will make it worse because he wanted space. But I'm also worried and annoyed and I want to hear from him.

OP posts:
WillowWeeping · 14/09/2017 08:11

I hope he's back and full of apologies - what an appallinglyly selfish way to behave

NewDaddie · 14/09/2017 08:11

(Beyoncé had a dd then twins too)

Undercoverbanana · 14/09/2017 08:15

So there's you. Coping with big news, pg with twins, getting up after a shitty night, organising DD, getting to school/childminder/nursery and yourself to work ...... And no help or any idea where the twat is or whether he's gone to work or is lying in a ditch or someone else's bed.

I would be in orbit, personally. So beyond anger that I would be laughing (I also laugh at funerals - can't help it.). I would be getting my ducks in a row and his shit in a bag.

TheDodgyEnd · 14/09/2017 08:16

Hoping OP hasn't posted because DH is home and all is well...

Babyiwantabump · 14/09/2017 08:16

Congratulations OP. And I hope your DH is home now

SleepingStandingUp · 14/09/2017 08:19

Do you realise that you've just done a Beyoncé! yeah cost no once had twins before Bey made it cool Hmm

OP home he's home and contrite soon. Space - fine. Out all night and ignoring CBS- not ok. Anythibg coulld have happened to you both!!!!

RockinSushi · 14/09/2017 08:20

Selfish prick! 😡

CherieBabySpliffUp · 14/09/2017 08:20

I hope he's home now with his tail between his legs Flowers

KitKat1985 · 14/09/2017 08:29

I hope he came home OP. Flowers

cherrytreeblossom · 14/09/2017 08:34

Hope he came home and is going to spend the next week apologising

TokenGinger · 14/09/2017 08:38

What an absolute toss pot.

diodati · 14/09/2017 08:44

Could the possibility of extra financial strain be the problem? Babies are, as most of us know, a lot of work and expensive to feed, clothe, educate, etc. If he was hesitant about having one other child, I can well imagine he'd need some time to get used to the idea of twins.

Barring an accident, your DH should have at least sent you a text message by now. If he hasn't, it's definitely worrying. Calling him names, getting angry, locking him out of the house, LTB, etc are reactions that will
temporarily relieve you but won't solve any aspect of this situation in the long term.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 14/09/2017 08:46

I hope he came home in the end OP. What a selfish twat, I'd be fuming. Even if he did need space and to be on his own, he could've at least let you know where he was and what he was doing, it takes two seconds to send a bloody text!!

Congratulations by the way Flowers

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 14/09/2017 08:47

I hope he's home. If not what time is he due to be at work? Can you contact them or some of his colleagues to check he's turned up? I'd be contacting police now, especially as he hasn't even deigned to text you. I hope he's ok, and suitably embarrassed for the worry and upset he's put you through.
And congratulations on your news, you'll be grand!

NameChange30 · 14/09/2017 08:49

Lay off newdaddie, people - the Beyoncé comment was clearly lighthearted.

Hope you're ok, OP.

TheresSomebodyAtTheDoor · 14/09/2017 08:50

Hope you got some sleep last night OP. Flowers

cherrycola2004 · 14/09/2017 08:50

If only the OP's 'D'H could have said something like newdaddie, shared a little joke and came to terms with the news together with the woman he is meant to love.

splendidisolation · 14/09/2017 08:54

Bit worrying no sign of OP? :-/ Hope you're ok OP

BadTasteFlump · 14/09/2017 08:54

Hope you're ok this morning op - look after yourself Flowers

SparklyMagpie · 14/09/2017 08:57

Congratulations OP!

I hope you managed some sleep, and that selfish bastard came back

I would be fucking furious

Hope you are OK xx

marvellouscreation · 14/09/2017 09:00

Really hope he showed up and you are ok.

UninspiringUserName · 14/09/2017 09:01

Oh crikey OP, so hope he's home and you've had chance to talk it through and you're both on the same page now?

zzzzz · 14/09/2017 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Llamacorn · 14/09/2017 09:06

I hope he came home last night, and that you're ok. Hopefully you will both be able to have a talk about things.

BossWitch · 14/09/2017 09:10

Hope he's back op. I would be fuming and thinking of packing up and going to stay with parents / friends for a couple of days. Leave him to sort out home and your current dc. He needs to be reminded that he has equal responsibility in this family. Don't sink to his level by doing a disappearing act though, explain that his behaviour has shocked you and you need time to reevaluate your relationship with him. Tell him he is not to contact you while you are away. Men are so fucking sure that they can just walk away when it suits them. Give him a taste of being on the side that's left behind to sort out the mess. Wanker.