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Original poster

DH went out after pregnancy scan and isn't home

336 replies

AWOLDh · 13/09/2017 21:07

I'm trying to keep this vague in case someone recognises me but hopefully it will still make sense.

I had my first pregnancy scan today for our second DC.
We have a DD together , it took a long time to conceive DD and we had a couple of failed ivf attempts before we eventually had her.

So I always wanted 2 DCs, DH wanted 1. However after having DD he decided that he wanted to try for another. But I think in part he said yes because I wanted 2.
I fell pregnant on our first attempt and we were both a bit shocked at first as we were expecting it too take longer and the gap between the DCs is closer than expected. But once it sank in I was over the moon and DH said he was too.

So to today, we are at my first scan and the scan showed twins. Both of us were shocked and DH asked her to check again which she did and assured us it is twins.

So We left the room and DH said actually he had to go out and think and he needed space. He said that this wasn't part of the plan and he had to think. I said oh ok and didn't really question it.
He has been gone for hours, he has missed dinner and DDs bedtime.
I text him to ask when he is coming home but he hasn't replied.

I am zigzaging between being worried about him and being angry with him. I'm not sure if I should call him or if that will make it worse because he wanted space. But I'm also worried and annoyed and I want to hear from him.

OP posts:
MsWanaBanana · 14/09/2017 06:31

Morning OP. Is he back yet? Hope you're ok x

flumpybear · 14/09/2017 06:32

Well first of all many congratulations, what a wonderful surprise, albeit a bit scary to be having twins, but you'll cope

Your husband is being very selfish, it was a shock for both of you I'm sure. Yes perhaps it wasn't in his plan, but ffs he's a grown up, he knows plans don't always follow our wants and needs

I hope he's turned up, if he's being a twat about things still tell him to grow up and accept responsibility, he's an adult not a child, and you've both been really lucky to fall pregnant naturally with twins - that's amazing 😉

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 14/09/2017 06:34

Congratulations, OP. I hope you got some sleep.
Your DH is behaving appallingly. Fair enough to be shocked but not to just fuck off without a word.

BubblesPip · 14/09/2017 06:35

Huge congratulations! I hope he's turned up

Sallywiththegoodhurrr · 14/09/2017 06:38

Congratulations OP!

We went through this a few weeks ago. We decided to have 1 final baby (we already have 3 DC) and found out it was twins which was^ a HUGE^ shock to the system.

However, that's absolutely no excuse for the way he has behaved. I hope by now he is home and you've had some much needed sleep Flowers

traceyturnblatt · 14/09/2017 06:38

Congratulations OP! That's wonderful news about your twins.

Your DP, on the other hand, is an absolute asshat.

Is this how he's going to behave any time something goes the way he hasn't expected it to?

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 14/09/2017 06:41

Is he home yet?

thegirlupnorth · 14/09/2017 06:42

OP I hope you managed to sleep and DP is home.

I forgot to say congratulations on the twins too X

AdalindSchade · 14/09/2017 06:44

What a shock. His behaviour has been awful but if he's not usually a flake or a binge drinker or whatever then give him a chance to explain without getting too angry. Assuming he came home last night. If he's still not home then be as fucking angry as you can be!

Minxmumma · 14/09/2017 06:45

Morning, do hope he has turned up and given you some explanation for disappearing.

Huge congratulations on your double bubble. Having twins is a shock for everyone - my scan was done privately and they gave us a video of it. I spent the whole day rewatching it to convince myself. He is being very selfish , there is a lot for you both to discuss but none of it is insurmountable xx

blueskyinmarch · 14/09/2017 06:46

Good morning OP. I hope your DH is back now and you are both able to work this through. You need to be in this together.

Undercoverbanana · 14/09/2017 06:46

Just catching up and can see that OP went to bed and he still wasn't home.

OP - At least you know what sort of support you will have when the twins are sick/teething/won't go to bed/won't tidy their rooms/won't do their homework/get nits/fall off their bikes/fight with friends.

The more I think about this, the worse it is.

You got the most momentous news yesterday. Together. About a thing that you are in together. And he fucks off.

I'm sorry to say this but that is a total deal breaker for me and I couldn't forgive him. He would have to go.

Shockers · 14/09/2017 06:47

Hope you managed to sleep. What will you do if he doesn't turn up today?

Cherylvole · 14/09/2017 06:47

I'm wondering who he spent the night with.

strawberrisc · 14/09/2017 06:48

When do you get someone to look after your DC while you get some "headspace" to think about it?

ImMrsBrightside · 14/09/2017 06:48

This is the last thing you need right now!! Not only him being an utter selfish twat but causing you additional anxiety! Angry

I hope he turned up OP.

PollytheDoily · 14/09/2017 06:52

Is he back?

I'd be nuclear with rage. How dare he ignore you like that. It's not all about him Angry

ineedamoreadultieradult · 14/09/2017 06:52

I hope when he turns up he is suitably apologetic. My DH disappeared for over 24hrs once and he has mental health problems. I have never been so anxious in my life. Congratulations on the babies Flowers

SirNiallDementia · 14/09/2017 06:52

Congratulations on your twins op!

Your OH is a selfish twat, in a partnership/ relationship you deal with unexpected news together and support each other rather than running off and ignoring your partner.

Has he returned home yet?

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 14/09/2017 06:53

I hope your DH has turned up, OP.

CrochetBelle · 14/09/2017 06:54

Hope he is home, or at least gotten in touch.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Just take things one day at a time just now x

HarlotLipstick · 14/09/2017 06:54

Congratulations!
Hope he's guiltily sleeping on the sofa by now OP.

Pengggwn · 14/09/2017 06:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LordPercy · 14/09/2017 07:02

I'm annoyed on your behalf OP. Hope he's back now and grovelling.

Congratulations on your lovely news Flowers

TanginaBarrons · 14/09/2017 07:02

I hope he is home and you got some sleep op. This is an outrageously selfish reaction.

For context after years of manipulating I got pregnant with dc4 after one occasion of recklessness from my dh (I knew exactly what I was doing). My dh was ambivalent at best about having 4 (btw I am deeply ashamed of my behaviour - even though he knew what he was doing it was very unfair of me to wear him down).

My dh was clearly gutted, but he absolutely accepted his part in what happened and has never, ever blamed me. He has been nothing but hugely supportive - there are a few dry jokes about it being "my" baby, but he acknowledges that when it is here he will adore it and he is very protective and lovely with me throughout this pregnancy, including taking on the lions share of looking after the other dc.

That is what you should expect from your dh. Im so sorry he is not coming up to the mark and hope this is an aberration and that he steps up asap.